How would feel if...

[La Mere]

A female coworker of your husband went all out and got him a pretty nice present for Christmas? Now, I don't mind the fact that she got him something for Christmas, but I feel like it would have been more appropriate if she had gotten him something that we both could use, like his other coworker. I don't really want to go into too much detail, but the aforementioned coworker has major emotional problems and my husband is the only male in her life that treats her even remotely decent, so she's kinda built up a dependence on him and is becoming emotionally attached to him... so it just makes me a little uncomfortable.. I'm probably just being paranoid, but I just had to get this off my chest.

 

[whit.]

I'd definitely be upset. What did your OH say?

 

[La Mere]

I'd definitely be upset. What did your OH say?

Well, I kinda brought it up and he would have felt better about it if she had gotten something for both of us... but he's still not as bothered by it as I am. And I'm almost positive if I brought it up again he'd think I was being silly.. What really gets me is that I know her too and in the past, she given me a few things.. so why exactly is this any different? And to make matters even more frustrating he asked me to pick out something to give her! I just don't know what to do.. I've talked to my mom and she said I need to be the bigger woman and rise above what I'm feeling.. It's just so hard when I don't really trust this person as far as I could throw her...

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I would be a bit upset too

 

[whit.]

I'd get her something ridiculous if I were you.

 

[La Mere]

LOL any ideas?

 

[rwhite]

Get her a vibrator

I kid, I kid (do I? ). I would be upset too though and probably feel a bit threatened.

 

[Armywife84]

It depends what she got him. If it was something really nice that you would get for him, then I would feel like she's invading your territory.

You don't have to get her anything in return, because he had no idea she was doing this..But I can see why you feel obligated, so I'd get her a decent bottle of wine and put both your names on there. Or from the "(Last name here)" family. Just so she's reminded that he's taken. I'd also be making a few appearances to his work to go with him to lunch and such.

I kinda pity her since she's been treated like garbage by men. One of those ones who don't push back when they're being treated unfairly. Poor thing.

 

[Leafy]

I agree a bottle of wine or something from both of you, it's better you choosing than him choosing something for her - that would be weirder! xxxxx

 

[Cinnamon Girl]

i would be more worried about the dependency on you oh
men like that sort of attention and normally shrug of a partners worries
but things like this can get out of hand
she may start leaning on oh too much and her dependency could be come a attraction or she could seriousl over step her boundries

i would ask oh to take a step back and look at it as an outsider and see that this may be getting out of hand

 

[Laura2919]

It depends on what she got him and what kind of emotional attachment you mean... Emotional as in would like him to be her husband or emotional as he is a good friend and she thinks of him like a brother/dad.

 

[midori1999]

I think you need to tell us what she got him so we can decide...

If she knows both of you well and has got you presents in the past, then it's a bit odd/rude maybe to send something to your husband only this time. I think though, if it were me, I trust my husband absolutely and if I thought a work colleague liked him in 'that' way, I'd just smile about it and be flattered in a way. I know he's not interested in anyone else, so it doesn't matter what their intentions or thoughts are. We're all different and react differently to things though.

 

[Baby France]

I think the wine in response with 'XXX' family is a good idea.

I wouldn't be happy either really tbh. And if its upset you that much and you're concerned about it, then I think you should bring it back up with OH and tell him how you're feeling. Bottling it up won't help any of you

 

[LittleBoo]

Ahh well OH works for his Mum and Dad so I can't say I'd be surprised in any other situation it might bother me, all depends on the circumstances around it though. If like you, the girl was becoming a little too friendly with OH, I'd be having not so subtle words. Nowt to do with trust over OH, I'm just pretty territorial

 

[hopeandpray]

I agree that if she really is attracted to and dependant on him then it could end up as one of those cases where she is the woman that always flatters him and makes him feel good so if you two have a fight then he'll turn to her to make him feel better iykwim?
Get something that is obviously from both of you and sign it the 'x' family, as another poster said. He needs to stop shrugging it off and see it from your perspective. Make it clear that it's her not him that you don't trust.

 

[Housewife83]

To be honest if I'd been buying a present I'd have bought it just for my colleague without really thinking about whether or not his wife etc would use it or like.

However in my case that would be unintentional, it just never occurred to me to do otherwise.

I totally agree that she appears to be overstepping the boundaries and that it is worrying. I think your husband needs to be very very careful. If she flips out on him he might find himself in trouble with HR etc. He should maybe keep notes or even have a word with his manager asking them to make a note that he has some concerns that she may be overly attached. That way no one has to take any action, but his concerns are on record.

I agree it might be nice to reciprocate with a gift that is clearly from all of you not just from him. That way she is gently reminded of your presence.

 

[NaturalMomma]

I wouldn't be upset, but I would hope my DH wouldn't accept it since we're not really into the whole gift giving for Christmas (we get our kids and family members stuff, but we don't feel we need anything for Christmas).

 

[Duffy]

Personally I wouldn't be bothered I might even steal it if its that great of a gift LOL, you could pick a gift out and put it from husband/wife (your names) which is making a polite point with out getting your hands dirty. Then just move on.

 

[La Mere]

My OH and I talked about it, we are completely on the same page now and he's even got his other coworker (also female, but married) keeping an eye on her. I picked out a pretty nice bath set (bath salts, lotions etc) and was the one to give it to her, thought that would be nice as she is also a mom and needs to relax. I can't really steal it because it is clothing lol... I know I'm just overreacting to the fact that I know what kind of person she is (very selfish and very promiscuous) and how she thinks of everything in terms of sex. AS for going to work/lunch with him.. can't really do that as we only have one car and he takes it to work.. it's over a two mile walk through town from our house and it's not really weather I wanna get DD out in. As for her being the woman to make him feel good/flatter him, that would never be the case with her as she just unloads a lot of stupid BS on him, which puts him in a terrible mood... or so far as I can tell she still just see him as a friend but she has sneakily flirtatious motives outside just being nice... as I've said before she's gotten things for me and even our daughter. I had thought she might just be a little short on funds, but that thought didn't last more than a minute as she is always spending whether she has the money or not and she was telling my OH that she wanted to see how the clothes fit him.

And yes, at times I feel sorry for her.. but she makes it increasingly difficult to do so. I would go into more detail about her, but I still have enough respect for her in general not to blab about her personal life.. too much anyway. Thank you for all the advice and responses. I've pretty much let it go already, it is just hard sometimes because he spends 10 hours a day with her and I know how some women can be and another thing I find very annoying and off-putting is it always seems like she just has to text him to tell him something stupid the evening before they go back to work or she is texting pictures of her kids to our phone or pictures of her new hair color, hair style, etc., it is not like I am sending her pictures of my daughter, I have like one or twice, but it's not a habit of mine... TBH the fact that he is married doesn't really mean anything to her, but I am glad he is keeping an eye on her and that his other married coworker is keeping an eye on her as well. But I did tell my OH that if I felt she was taking too big of a step over boundaries, I will not hesitate one bit to give her a piece of my mind... thankfully it hasn't come to that and hopefully it won't.