Hubby won't discuss names, affecting my bonding.

[Mrs_Bump]

Getting really down about hubby not wanting to discuss names. We've only discussed it once and it was a mess. He will only consider Elise or Becky. The names of his car and ex-girlfriend so definite nos for me. I gave him a big list and he just said he wanted one of those two.
He also doesn't want her to have a middle name because he thinks they are weird. He says he 'gave in' with ds so doesn't want to this time.
He only had one name for ds, Robert, and again I had loads. Ds is Daniel Drake. Drake is my maiden name and was chosen to retain a family link.

I would like dd to have one of her great grandmothers names for similar reasons but another no. He says they are all too weird, as is the concept of middle names. We agree on ruling out Doris, even she doesn't like her name, but what's wrong with Diana, Margaret or Jean as a middle name?

We both like traditional names although he prefers girlier choices than me. If I try and discuss it he just jokes around or says he gave me his names. With ds it was similar except that I kind of knew we would compromise on Daniel so I started calling him that in my head. I just feel like knowing her name would help me bond.

 

[Milalacht]

hm~ for your bonding, I'd give the unborn a nice "nickname", that you like.
My mom called all her kids "Anna" until they were born, none of us kept the name after birth.

 

[Moma Ali]

I wouldnt name after an ex - nope, nope, nope

im assuming Becky is the ex as it would be more popular among our age groups

the car thing is not so bad, it shows he has liked than name for a long time - my mam had a dog with my brothers name but still used it, cars come and go and a car name is not an offical thing just a silly personal thing

what was wrong with Robert Drake last time?
these things do require compromise a bit and it does sound like you have flat out refused the 3 name he loves and apart from the ex girlfriend issue havent really given reasons, he is probably hurt by this which tends to make men act more stubborn

personally I think Elsie Jean is a cute name and a nice compromise

what about variants:

Elsa
Eliza

or names where the nickname can be Elsie:

Ellyse
Elizabeth
Elspeth
Elsinore

if you choose these and you dont like 'Elsie' you could pick different nickname but your other half could still use Elsie, other nicknames could be:

Ellie
Ella
Liza
Lisa
Lizzy
Libby
Beth
Betty
Nora


for Becky you could have Becah as a variation

 

[Mrs_Bump]

Thanks millalacht I've actually been trying that already, it's just not quite working for me.
The car thing is bad because it is the model of the car, like Astra equivalent and the car bankrupted him and caused him lots of stress. You're right Robert isn't awful and neither is John, the name I would of loved to give our son but we compromised so I do get it's about compromise. I would love to talk about options but he won't. I asked him if he thought I was unwilling to compromise and he laughed and said that it was his issue not mine.

 

[Lucy139]

Why would he want to name his child after his ex?!

I would just name the baby and tell him to like it or lump it lol but that's just me 😬😬

 

[staralfur]

Choosing a name after an ex is just plain crazy, that would be an absolute 'no' for basically everyone. Maybe tell him that since you can't take that suggestion seriously he needs to come up with another one?

My DH had his heart set on 2 names throughout my pregnancy and we did ultimately end up with one of them as I had tried to seriously consider it the whole time and it eventually grew on me.

Maybe you could say that you'll consider the car name if he considers one of the middle names? Or finding some variation of Elise (assuming that's the car name) and suggesting that might be a compromise as well.

 

[Moma Ali]

sorry I totally misread Elise as Elsie

 

[adr75050]

My husband seemed to be this way too. He only would consider one name and shot down the 50-100 I proposed. I just started calling her the name I liked and using it around him so he could get used to it. I used the only name he would consider as the middle name and he finally told me one day that he had resolved himself to the fact that he wouldn't get the first name pick but he wanted the middle name to be his pick. Maybe try calling her ur favorite name and use the name of the car as a middle name. If he likes that name that much maybe he will get over the "weirdness" of a middle name

 

[Kirsty3051]

Elise Jean is a cute name

 

[loeylo]

We had horrible times coming up with our girl and boy names - I'm a teacher so it was really hard to get names which don't remind me of pupils, I liked unusual names and he liked more traditional names.

We wanted to call them by their name from the point which we knew genders, so 16w. How we worked it was we both downloaded a name app and had a notepad in the house. We both wrote down any name that we liked on the book and continued to do so until we felt we had a decent list. We then picked our five top names each, and ended up with a list of 8 names. We each took off a name each that we didn't like and we agreed to exclude one more, so we had 5.

With our final 5, we both ranked them from 1-5 and the one with the highest score won. We then picked a family middle name to go with our girly name when we found out she was a girl (the first name we picked is also a family name so it's lovely really!)

Good luck!

 

[Mrs_Bump]

Thanks loeylo. I did this over the weekend. He wouldn't but at least took my list. He now says she can have a middle name so I guess that's something. I just want him to participate.

 

[loeylo]

I guess that is something! My oh was actually against middle names too but the first name we chose was after his gran (Grace) so we went with my grans name as a middle name (May) and we both love it so it worked well.

I'm sure you will come to a compromise you both agree on. I get the frustration that you can't bond as well until you agree on a name though!

 

[MyFavSurprise]

That is so tough..I was afraid my fiance was going to be the same way.. in the begining he just shot down every name and wouldn't make a list as I suggested doing the cross off list too..but I just kept shooting them at him by text and random suggestion and eventually he opened up about one name..then I suggested a name that he said no to.. but I brought it up again later and explained the meaning and he ended up liking it after all and we've chosen it. I hope he opens up a little bit and gives you some clearer feedback soon, it is really frustrating.

 

[george83]

My oh was the same with all 3 of our children. For me it wasn't so much that he wouldn't choose a name but just the fact that he wasn't interested. In the end I just gave up and chose the names that I wanted, with ds1&2 he agreed to them without any issue but ds3 he wasn't convinced about. In the end I had to have an emergency c section and when he was born the doctor asked if he had a name and I told them the name I chose. I figured if my oh couldn't be bothered to even discuss names then I'd choose a name I wanted myself

 

[BethMaassen]

My husband was the same way. only he liked to have tantrums about "I never like his suggestions" and took my list with " I will consider them" and nothing. A few week before our gender scan - Because I wanted to announce a name with the gender reveal. Finally I had enough, I told him, either he helps me decide on name we BOTH like and fit the whole must be meaningful other that "because I like it" that I think is appropriate. I told him, either he helps me decide, or the baby will be given whatever name I decide when it is born.

 

[NennaKay]

During my first pregnancy, it was like pulling teach to get my OH to talk names. We didn't actually name our daughter until about 2 hours before we left the hospital. And really it was more of a resigned acceptance that we had to name her before we would be allowed to leave. It was the only name I suggested that day, and my OH said he liked it so we rolled with it!

For this pregnancy, we have talked several times. He's added names to his list and told me which names off my list he likes. We are so much closer to deciding a name this time around! I think last time, he was just so terrified of being a father that he didn't want to think about any of it. But this time around he's more laid back and accepting.

 

[love.peace]

Why would he want to name his child after his ex?!

I would just name the baby and tell him to like it or lump it lol but that's just me 😬😬

Exactly what I was going to say. My husband wasn't so keen on our ds1 name but he soon got used to it and he didn't offer any suggestions.
You are carrying this baby not him. I agree its great to compromise but if he's not giving you any other options then he's being unfair. I'd write a list of the names you love and let him choose from them. Gosh I sound so mean