Husband had affair during pregnancy

[Lilyandbump]

It's hard to believe I'm posting on this section of the forum. One year ago today, my 6th wedding anniversary, my husband and I were planning our first baby, which we conceived after just two months. We were happy. Or so I thought.

Clearly he wasn't.

Three months later, he was having an affair with a tart he works with and planning a family with her. I've read the emails they sent to each other. She desperately wants a baby. Her husband doesn't. So she pounced on my weak, pathetic other half and he fell for it. While I was still pregnant and they were still having their fling, she insisted that she should get to be part of my baby's life and share in raising him and claimed that I should feel "quids in to have another woman willing to help raise my child and plans it's birthday parties" (That's an exact quote by the way!)

I stayed with my husband for seven months, had him there at the birth, hoping he'd realise what he'd be missing out on by leaving the two of us, to no avail. Three weeks after our son was born in June, I felt myself sinking into a depression, living with a man who refused to show me any love or affection whatsoever. And to cut a long story short, I'm now living back with my parents while my EX husband finds a flat so he can vacate our home for me to move back into with our son.

My biggest fear and reason for posting is this: If he hooks up with the other woman for real and moves in with her, do I have any rights at all to stop her seeing my baby? The thought of her touching him makes me want to vomit. She's a home-wrecker.

What can I do? Has anyone else experienced anything similar??

 

[weebubba]

So sorry for you, my ex husband did exactly the same to me. He has rights to the child but with regards who he lets have contact with it is another matter. Please consult a lawyer. I let my ex see our youngest but never allowed overnights with my older children until he was 6 months. Unlike you I put him out the marital home way before baby was due. It's very shitty that you have had to move elsewhere.

I didn't want his girlfriend to have anything to do with my kids initially but let the kids choose for themselves, with the exception of my youngest. It pissed me off greatly that as a couple they played happy families with my kids but ultimately the kids wanted her in their lives too and she is fabulous with them. She had no idea we were together when he met her and he lied to her about his entire life.

I know it's raw and painful at the moment but it will get easier.

Consider it the biggest favour he could do you - nobody needs someone like that as their partner. I hope you get the answers and resolve you need.

Good luck for your future and I hope it brings many great and wonderful things for you and LO.

 

[Dream.dream]

I'm sorry your going through this.

Unfortunatly unless there are safety issues you can't stop her from seeing the gf when your sons dad gets visits. Since you were married when baby was born usually dad and you have joint custody automatically , and have 5"/50 on decision making meaning if you don't want her to see baby and he does then it has to go before a judge. If it has to go before a judge it may not turn out in your favor because most judges see situations like this and if there is no safety concerns they think the mom is beig petty and it doesn't end well

 

[creatingpeace]

So sorry you are going through this how traumatizing. I am not sure where you live so that has great bearing on what a Court would say. Therefore, you must consult legal for that advice.

I have heard of some separation agreements which state "no overnight guests" but again that is highly dependent upon where you live.

She sounds scummy and hopefully a flash in the pan. You hubs sadly has made some very poor choices. I never allowed my ex to have overnights until after my son was 12 months and that worked well for all of us. Now that he is slightly older I don't mind one over night once per week. It is working for us.
G
ood luck to you and big hugs!

 

[moomin_troll]

Wow what a scumbag, and what a stupid slag suggesting that she's a part in raising ur child, I'd be fuming.
At first I'd say he can have access to the baby and see lo at ur mums house and she's not aloud.
He needs to bond with ur baby before he even dreams of having her around.
If he's not happy with that I'd say ok take me to court.
I'd suggest as pp that u get legal advise.

 

[MrsClark24]

OMG I'm sorry that you had to go through that!

I don't know where you are in the world, but in my UK experience, the mothers can pretty much do what they want. If you say he can't see your baby, the only thing he can do it take you to court.

Try to neogiate with him, I can see why you wouldn't want her near your baby (I would be the same) The only time you HAVE to do anything is if it goes to court and a judge says what needs to happen.

Good luck!! I know it doesn't make it easier but by the sounds of it you're both better off without him!

 

[Dezireey]

I have a good friend who went through the exact same thing with her ex-husband, and the other woman wanting to raise her baby as soon as it was born (she actually demanded that the baby spend half the week at their house because it was important that the baby also see her as her Mother...don't ask...you could have made TNT explosives out of my friends temper over that one).

Firstly she breastfed for longer (8 or 9 months I think) when baby was born and this puts a kebosh on any deadbeat Dad wanting to see his baby all the time as a court won't allow a breastfed baby to be away from its mother hardly at all for obvious reasons. Then she simply said 'absolutely no effing way is my baby going to be alone or anywhere near a woman who wants my baby as her own'. I think she threatened her ex with court saying this other woman was deranged and needed help etc etc. She basically put her foot down, period. So just tell him and his floozy to eff off hun.