Husband having second thoughts

[FairyDust2009]

Hi all, looking for a bit of support here please... apologies if I've posted in the wrong place.

My husband and I have been TTC #2 since June 2015 but have had no success yet. The last couple of months he's been less interested to the point where we've had the occasional DTD but I've felt like its been almost under duress.

I asked him about it last night and he said he had a couple of concerns about a 2nd:

1. I struggled with PND with DS and he is worried I might get it again. How would I manage if that were the case?
2. We can't rely on his mum anymore to provide childcare for a baby. She has looked after DS 1 day a week since he was 6 months old (I know, we've been really lucky), the other 2 or 3 days he was in nursery... he's now 4yr3m. How would we balance childcare?

We discussed all of this before I had the coil removed and I thought I'd put it all to bed, but obviously the delay in our conceiving has started his worry head again.

We've agreed to go out for a couple of drinks tomorrow night to talk it all through but in my heart I believe he has changed his mind. I can understand why - the excitement of TTC has worn off and the reality of what might happen has kicked in. I'm not a fan of the baby stage at all, and am not wanting one due to broodiness, but the idea of DS being an only child breaks my heart. That said I want DH to be 100% behind the idea and, sadly, he can be selfish and he's got his little boy already. I wonder if DS was actually a girl if we'd be having this conversation (god that sounds awful).

I don't really know what I'm asking here. I guess I just needed to write it all down x

 

[Whimsical88]

Hi fairy
it may just be that is not happening and DH is wondering if the man upstairs is saying it shouldnt. I think you need to tell him how you really feel and that you truly want baby 2. He may have some fears that you dont know about so be honest and have a heart to heart

 

[Yo_Yo]

I think talking it through will help.

To be honest, the things he said ie childcare don't really seem a huge deal to me. Nothing that you couldn't overcome. Certainly nothing enough to warrant not ttc.

Could he be a little fed up with the inevitable pressure that comes with ttc? I know it can tend to take the romance out of things when you are dtd just for that.

Maybe a nice weekend away together just the two of you if you can might help?

 

[Kelskiii]

If your DH is anything like mine .. DH seems to go through "moods" where one minute he says one thing and another he says something else. Eventually he generally returns to our orginal plans!!

Maybe give your DH some space on baby making, stop "trying" for a baby and just see what happens. Try to live your life as normal again like you were before TTC.

Going out for a good talk should do you some good

 

[CaliDreaming]

I agree with other posters who said this is just normal male moodiness. DTD can feel like a chore when you're having trouble conceiving, so it may not be because he is trying to avoid pregnancy.

We had trouble conceiving our second child too and dh was happy to stay at one just like your dh. He went through his moods too but ultimately kept trying because he saw how depressed I was.

 

[staralfur]

I just wanted to throw in that the idea of having an only child shouldn't be heartbreaking! I'm an only child and my LO likely will be as well. There was a long time that I thought she needed a sibling because there have been times in my life where I wished that I had one, but ultimately I realized it wasn't a good enough reason to have another child if I wasn't actually longing for one. I came to realize all the GOOD things about being an only child once I let that mentality go. People always talk about only children as though they're at some huge disadvantage but I don't feel that way at all, having lived through it myself.

 

[bonniebeams]

I'm with everyone else on this post.

1. Talk it out! Be honest with him about your feelings and hopefully he will be honest about his.

2. Everyone goes through these phases don't they? I desperately want a baby and yet I even have moments where I feel like, well maybe we should wait a while longer, or maybe life would be easier if we didn't have any. I'm sure he would be happy if you were to conceive, he's just feeling apprehensive about all the "what if's"...

Good luck with your chat! Let us know how it goes.

 

[shadowlove]

I would suggest you talk it out and that you share your feelings and listen to his. Maybe you can get some middleway? big hugs