I’ve had a bit too much to drink.

[Marthea007]

And now I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop thinking about the 5 losses we’ve had. The 5 babies that didn’t come. The 3 heart beats that were nothing more than painful teases. The number of baby name books and onesies that I bought too early. The entire nursery that we decorated when we decided we would foster and then weren’t able to find any that we could take in. I can’t help but notice all of my friends who are announcing their first, second, and third pregnancies and the showers that I can’t make myself go to. The last one I was at, after our fourth loss, someone smiled at me and asked if I’d be next. I cried in my car for 20 min. I’ll be turning 34 in a few weeks, and I just can’t help but think there’s not enough time left. And I hate myself, because I can’t seem to give my husband the one thing that we both want so badly.

So yea. I just had to get that out. Sorry everyone.

 

[fxmummyduck]

I’m so sorry for your losses, sending you hugs. Don’t apologize sometimes we just need to get this stuff out there. It’s not fair, and I pray you get your take home baby.

 

[cupolatte]

I hear you girl. Can you feel me giving you a hug? I am so sorry that you have known such sorrow and I love the way that you love your husband. I am here to tell you that I was 39, almost 40, when I had my last child. The reason I didn't have anymore was because of the death of my husband in a work accident, not because of any infertility. I had 4 miscarriages along the way, really five if I count the fact that I lost one of my twins. All of this to tell you that there is hope. You are still young enough and multiple miscarriages does not mean that you will never bear a child. Also, the "right" child for you could still come about by some other means. You sound like a very loving person, someone who will make a great mom. I will be praying for you and your husband and asking God to comfort you.