I am having a 'freak out' day :(

[a1b2c3]

Evert ing is getting on top of me today. I am freaking out over everything.

When we first started ttc, i couldn't wait to be a mum and thought about how my life would be.... That was a long time ago (granted I know others have bben ttc longer than me).

Over a month ago I was prescribed chlomid. But due to a lack of af haven't taken it yet. Yesterday I was prescribed provera and today I picked itup.

I went to work as normal, but then started feeling sick, then I actually was sick. One of the ladies said 'your not pregnant are you?'

(no one knows we are trying)

I said no and then promptly liked again.

Then it hit me! I am scared if being pregnant. I know that sounds odd, but I think the whole chlomid/provera thing has just made this feel all real. I think in a bizare way I have got used to ttc.

Part of me is wondering if we should stop trying until I get my head clear. My DH says it is just a blip in my emotions and I am just panicking (hence being sick).

Has anyone else felt like this? I know deep down I want a child, but I don't understand why I have suddenly become scared?

If you have felt lime this, how did you deal with it? Did it go away?

 

[Sophe]

I had this when AF was one weel late i was terrified when I took the test I don't know why because I know I would have been so happy had it been positive, but after so long it would be such a shock for us and I have heard LTTC women worry a lot more than others that something will go wrong etc.

I don't think you should take a break, you'll be so happy when you finally are pregnant, it will just be a big shock, it seems impossible when you are LTTC feels a bit like winning the lottery, it could happen but you don't expect it to happen to you. I guess all the emotions are very difficult to go through, we as women want babies as much as all the women around us with babies, we have the same maternal instinct, and I think LTTC is mentally and emotionally a very tough experieince for us all and leaves us feeling lonely unsure an confussed at times. I am not suprised that both me and you have been scared at the thought of being pregnant, our experiences of TTC have been trying ones so i guess we expect pregnancey etc to be the same.. when the baby arrives they say it just comes naturally and we will be fine.

((((HUGS)))) to you hun, I know EXACTLY how you feel..

 

[Armywife84]

Didn't want to read and run. I have experienced this when I was babysitting a teething six month old and his 3yr old sister. When I first started, I wanted to quit so bad..I couldn't soothe this 6 month old screaming at the top of his lungs, refusing to half of his baby food, and didn't want to go to bed! All the while, his sister was begging me to put in a movie for her. I couldn't wait till they finally laid down for a nap!

That made me question if I was really ready to have children. Then again, I realize that I have limited experience and people keep on telling me it's different when you have your own. So I have kept on the LTTC bandwagon..but I have taken a month break.

Sometimes LTTC can take over so much of your life. Then you become exhausted, depressed, and cynical. That's when it's time to take a little break.

 

[a1b2c3]

Thanks ladies. I am glad it is not just me who has felt like this.

I decided to take my first provera tonight, so I guess we are still trying. I don't know if it is because I am moody/scared but DH seems very excited tonight. He keeps talking about when we have our baby etc and has asked about the days etc I need to take all the tablets etc. I think he is going to be making sure that I take them!

I am still feeling a bit sick and scared, hopefully it won't last too long. :/

 

[wannabemummyb]

I know exactly how you feel, we've been ttc for just shy of two years, whenever i do a hpt i'm both terrified it's another bfn, and scared it will be positive!
Maybe it's your mind worrying because you've wanted this so much that when it finally happens maybe it won't be like you imagine!

 

[Naneth.Estel]

I think it's perfectly normal to have these doubts and fears. We all get moments like that. I've had moments when I've been late and I've panicked wondering whether I'm really ready for it. But I know that even if I had doubts at the start, it's something that we've wanted for so long, by the end of that nine months I would be very very ready for my baby.

Good luck with the clomid and if you find you're really really dreading it, don't feel bad about taking a TTC break for a little while, just to get yourself back into the right frame of mind.

 

[a1b2c3]

Thanks naneth. I am actually feeling better today about the whole baby thing.... Now I am just annoyed about people asking me if I am pg! Lol, I think there us just no pleasing me. I think my hormones are a bit psyco. God help me when I actually do become pg. X