I can't get over my m/c. What wrong with me???

[cherylanne]

I had a m/c 12th June and i can't get over it!!! I know it's silly but i keep thinking about it everyday and wondering what the sex of baby would have been etc.

I woke with bleeding and we went to the hospital, had internal scan and baby's heartbeat was fine. They pointed out the baby and the heartbeat and me and OH were happy as first time seen LO on scan. Went home and we were relieved and elated

(this might be tmi)
Late in the afternoon i stood up to go to the toilet and i felt something slip out. When i got to the bathroom i had a look and it was the sac with LO in (sorry tmi) i can't get that out of my head. I was shaking and called OH upstairs and showed him. We called the hospital and they asked me to come up and bring the 'product of conception' with me.

I had an internal and the rest was removed in a side room (V. painful). glad i didn't need any further treatment though.

I just keep going through what i did that day and thnking there must be something that hapened because when we had the scan baby was healthy and 3 hours later baby died!!!

I think i'm going insane, i'm sure OH thinks so too. It seems like this is always on my mind and i don't know what to do to stop the image of baby going through my mind

 

[Rumpskin]

How distressing for you darling. I am sorry for your loss.

I m/c in January and the pain is still there but it does get easier, I promise.

I find talking about it helps.

Look after yourself lovely xx

 

[Barneyboo]

I just want to give you lots of it is truly awful what you have been through, all I can say is hopefully as every day passes it might just might get a little easier but there would have been NOTHING that you could have done to prevent this from happening

 

[tillymum]

I'm so sorry for your loss give yourself time

Unfortunately it sounds like your mc was taking place even when you had your scan and there is nothing you could have done to stop it. My story is in a way similar to yours so I can in a way understand where you are coming from. I will tell you my story as I hope it might help.

I had cramping and bleeding and passed a large clot which I thought was my LO I was sent to the EPAU and had an internal scan which showed my lo and a strong heartbeat, we were so relieved. 3 days later I went for another scan to see if everything was ok, my cramping and bleeding had practically disappeared and once again there was my little baby and the heart was beating away and they measured it at 11weeks +2. We went away happy that all was ok, i even got a scan photo and proudly showed it to everyone. They did send me off by telling me I was still at risk of miscarrying, but with little or no symptoms I tried not to think of it because as far as I was concerned I saw my baby and all was ok.

2 weeks later I had my scheduled first tri scan and there was no heartbeat. We were devastated!! They measured it at 11weeks+2 so it must had died within hours of our 2nd scan two weeks previous.

I have struggled with all sorts of guilt, but I console myself with the thought that we got to see our LO while it was alive and got to say hello, and my scan photo is so precious to me.

Please don't torment yourself with guilt, take your time and you will feel better soon honey, time is a great healer.

 

[Tasha]

Oh hun ((( ))) you are not silly at all, from the moment we see that blue/pink line we fall in love with this tiny little person. We begin to visualise what they will look like, what life is going to be like with a new addition, what personality they will have etc etc.

On top of that you went through something very traumatic, you thought everything was okay cos you saw lo's heartbeat, only to have everything snatched from you a few hours later, please know your feelings are normal.

Please dont think people will dismiss this as 'just' a m/c, go to your doctors, ask to see a counsellor and allow your self to grieve, after all that is what you are doing for every thing that should of been.

Take care hun and I am here if you wanna talk.

 

[coccyx]

Hey, be gentle with yourself. You do not need to 'get over' the loss. Will always be part of your life, even if only for a small time. You will get through it, it does get easier ( i have had 9 miscs). You need time to grieve. Have you thought of a 'ceremony' sorry can not think of an appropriate term, to say goodbye. Maybe a candle, plant a flower/tree, buy yourself a special piece of jewellry etc.

 

[Tishimouse]

Oh how terribly sad for you to have gone through such an experience. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you feeling the way you do and especially for not being able to get this image out of your head. It is terrible, but it is also perfectly normal.

Any traumatic event and especially when it has been something visual, can play on your mind for any length of time. Each person is different and even the strongest of us can find experiences difficult to get out of our minds. At the moment you are not strong and noone expects you to be at all, so it is making it even more difficult for you to shake the memory of what you have seen ... let alone experienced.

I think it is important for you to be able to talk about how you are feeling to someone and the first port of call should be to your GP who can put you in touch with a grief counsellor. All they can do is listen to you but this is exactly the 'therapy' you need to help you deal with things.

I can promise you that the images will fade in time, but there is no time limit to this. I have dealt with quite a few things in my life and have had some experiences that have bothered me for some time afterwards. But in time, those memories have faded and I have coped well with them. You will too, but in your own time.

I do hope your suffering doesn't last too long and that you find peace of mind soon.

Don't worry whatever you do about it not being normal, because it most certainly is. You are not alone and many others have survived and moved on to live wonderfully happy lives having placed their unhappy memories in a special place where they cause them no more pain and heartache. You will too.

 

[NickyT75]

Sorry for your loss hun

As the other ladies have already said - you need to allow yourself time to grieve as it is still very early days for you at the moment.

I recently lost my daughter due to premature labour when I gave birth to her alone in the toilet, thankfully I caught her as she was born alive & I am haunted by the image of her dying in front of me.
For a while I thought I'd never get over the grief (I'm ashamed to admit - I even thought about taking my own life)

I know people say time is a great healer & you probably don't believe this right now but it's true... almost 3 months have passed for me & I feel so much better I wouldn't have been able to believe it if someone told me at the time.

This was my 2nd loss as I'd had an earlier miscarriage at 10.5wks previously but I have managed to move on & am currently TTC again & hoping to have a healthy pregnancy next time.

You will never forget what has happened to you but it will become less painful in time I can promise you that xx

 

[vikkie1991]

what ur feeling is completely normal i no it doesnt seem like it but it is, i had the same thing on the 11th of january and i still cant get the image out of my head i kept thinkin bout the sex of the baby and it wud be due aug 9th so now its coming bk about it wud be born etc next month, people never really get over misscarriage its one of the hardest things to get over emotionally if u need a chat with someone thats been through it im always here i wish u the best tho hun the first coupe of months r the hardest xxx

 

[superp123]

I'm sorry that you're having a hard time with things. I can only repeat what some of the other girls have already said... That time does heal and that you are not loosing it!!! What you're going through is normal. I had a similar time with my first mc, as it was also very tramatic for me. It took me a loooooong time to move on, but I did. I sometimes am still haunted by the images that I took away from that experiance. My mother still cries for the child she lost before she had me and that would be about 34yrs ago. Point being, it doesn't go away but it does get easier hun.
I hope that you find a way to honor your loss and let yourself fully greive. I know how hard that can be with children at home to take care of, but sometimes you have to remind yourself that you need taking care of too. Let hubby know that you need some TLC and get a big squeeze from him. For me that's sometimes all I need. Then tomorrow morning call your doc for a councelor, they really are wonderful... and if you feel you need one (and even if you don't) they can help you navigate through this time.
I'm thinking of you hun, PM me if you want to talk. Lots of
P

 

[Logiebear]

I am sorry for your loss hun and I hope you learn to come to terms with the pain in your heart. I can imagine the image that goes through your mind as I see it too. It is hard and not everyone sees these things the same, the grief you feel isn't always understood by others.

I want you to know that there are lots of women on here who have felt that pain and do understand the loss in your heart! Take comfort in the kowledge that pain does get easier

 

[loup]

My love,

You lost your baby.

No matter how young, this was yours.

You need to grieve.

Don't think that because your baby didn't reach the technical age of stillbirth that you will not feel grief.

Do something beautiful to commemorate your little ones life.

Name your baby, do you feel she was a girl or he was a boy? Some say they just know.

If you feel confused then focus on the grief, talk about losing your baby.

I planted a tree with mementoes in a ribbon tied box.

Every time I look at the weeping willow I am respecting my babies life.

This sort of idea may help you accept, grieve, and be able to carry on.

All my love to you. x

 

[honeybunch2k7]

I'm sorry mama, your story sounds a little like mine.

You need to give yourself time to grieve.

IA with superp123, it may not go away, it just gets easier to manage.