I don't know if this goes here........

[Andypanda6570]

I thought I was getting better after loosing Ava at 18 weeks in March. Tonight my neighbor who I have been avoiding cause she just gave birth to a baby girl June 10th and I didn't want to see her i finally talked to her tonight. I will say she has been so nice and has not bothered me or tried to see me, i know she felt horrible for me loosing my Ava. I have 3 boys 20,17 and 11 and getting pregnant at 40 was a HUGE surprise then finding out it was a girl was a dream to me, sadly it was not meant to be. Anyway I thought I was strong enough to go outside and finally see her baby I managed to be ok so i thought , i held her and I burped her and I rocked her a bit and then i gave her back to her mother, i was ok. Went in the house to fold some wash and I totally lost it I just broke down completely. Why me, my Ava would have been here in 3 weeks, why is life so cruel. I should have not held that baby I wasn't ready. I am so lonely right now and I am just wondering when in gods name is this pain going to subside. Just needed to tell someone.
XOXOXO

 

[AndreaBat]

Hi hon,

I dont think we ever get over losing our little ones. I lost my first very early on in my pregnacy and I know how it affected me. I can not imagine the pain and heartache and constant longing you are going through .. you were very brave to go out in the first place to see the baby let alone hold the little thing. They say time is a healer and yes maybe it is .. i don't think we heal .. we are just forced to accept and forced to learn to live with our losses and carry on with life. Life can be so cruel. Sending u gentle hugs .. I have seen so many of your posts on this site and u are such a wonderfuol support to others going through a hard time. I hope you have somneone to support you too

 

[VikkieD]

I'm so sorry for your loss

I can't begin to understand what you're going through. But i guess it's understandable that another baby may bring everything up for you

Huge hugs xxx

 

[HollieQ]

I am so so sorry, i can't imagine the pain of losing a baby at 17 weeks, my loss was so much more earlier and that hurt. I'm sorry I don't know when and if the pain will subside but one thing, you will never forget your baby Ava and she will never forget you and how much she is loved xxxxxxxxx

 

[maybebaby3]

i had 2 mc but earlier on than you and that was hard enough! i cant begin to understand how much it must hurt losing a child so far into the pregnancy i dont think the hurt ever goes away but i believe time is a great healer. i hope that you find some peace

 

[Luzelle]

It must have been really painful for you. Sending you big hugs. xxx

 

[fairywings]

I know how painful that must have been. It is so horrible having to deal with a loss. I know it is different but I look at boys my sons age and imaginge what it would be like to have it be him, just walking around playing, or even just to be here. He would not have done those things, but it is so hard and I can totally empathize with you.

I know a lot of people say that it gets easier but it is a weather we have to brave for now, and you have to know it is OK to be sad, and cry, and scream, and shout, because at the end of the day it just isn't fair what we are going through. I hope you can find some comfort - the agony of the loss is immense but you don't have to feel alone, we are all here for you. xxxxx

 

[Neko]

Sorry. I wish I could tell you that you'll completely get over it, but it just doesn't happen. I lost my baby at 15 weeks last year and he/she would have been been born last July. It keeps popping into my head that we should be celebrating a first birthday party.

I think the pain gets easier, but for a mother, it never goes away. You can't stop loving the baby you were meant to hold.

 

[sweetbuthyper]

 

[Andypanda6570]

Thank you ALL so very much for talking with me and helping me. I just can't seem to move on I don't know why. I want so bad to try again abd I may, but I am already 41 and I have to think things through and make sure i can do this, i can never go through this again and if I did I am not sure i would make it another time I feel like having another baby is the only thing that will calm my heart, not heal it just calm it. XOXOXOOXOX

 

[Mon_n_john]

Oh honey, how I wish I could give you a real big hug right now. You are so brave and strong. What you are feeling is so normal, cry and scream as much as you have to. I don't think the pain will ever go away but it does become bearable. And I believe that when the time comes, if ou are ready, you will have another baby. Hugs to you honey!

 

[Andypanda6570]

Oh honey, how I wish I could give you a real big hug right now. You are so brave and strong. What you are feeling is so normal, cry and scream as much as you have to. I don't think the pain will ever go away but it does become bearable. And I believe that when the time comes, if ou are ready, you will have another baby. Hugs to you honey!

Thank you so very much..xoxoxoxoxo

 

[jennijunni]

I have been thinking of you. I hope you have found some peace and comfort. Lots of hugs!!!!

 

[kam78]

Hi Sweetie!
I found my way back to this site and there you were... Having the same issues as me ... I thought I was doing better too, but I think the closer to my due date, the more upset & panicky I am getting ... I too have been dreading newborns, but had my first encounter last week ... It was AWFUL! Well, of course at the time, it was OK but as soon as I placed that baby back into her mother's arms... and I walked away... BAM ...

I was thinking about you the other day, hoping you was doing better ... think of you often ...

Emma & Ava ... Lil friends forever babe ... Xoxo

Sending big hugs your way today, you will be in my thoughts and prayers!!

*Kelly*

 

[kiki04]

Oh hunni I dont know if you remember but I made a post almost exactly the same abit back. My neighbour had a baby girl on the day Hadlee grew wings There was NO WAY I could go see her or the baby... she had no idea either. It wasnt until Kenadie (my 4 yr old) told her weeks later when she found out. Finally I had the nerve to go over and congratulate her. She was so very sweet and understanding about it all. I know exactly how you are feeling and it is hard and I am so sorry you had to endure that as well