i dont know what to do :( *rant*

[Romanae]

Hi all, long time since I've been on this site! I just really need some advice on how to deal with the FoB.

Basically fob and I split a few months ago. Our relationship since has been rocky, but generally civil. We both have new partners. Fobs, however, lives in a city four hours away. He is saying that he is going to move down there. The problem I have with this is that he has our seven month old son every second weekend.

Fob usually picks up Devon (our baby) after work Friday and drips him home Sunday evening. Fob is saying that he will still come and get Devon, but I really don't believe him. He will run out of gas money, or be too tired, or something else will come up. Because basically to pick up his son and get home again will take at minimum eight hours. That's sixteen hours driving per weekend and I cannot trust that Fob will be willing enough to do that.

Of course there is also the issue of, holy crap, you want to take our seven month old on a huge fuckin car trip at bedtime? Are you kidding me? I'm so angry at how selfish he is being.

Anyone got ideas on how to handle this? I've been looking at legal aids and custody contracts, but it'll be a real fight.

 

[LeoLeah77]

Well his partner is also being selfish. Does she really expect him to move four hours away from his son? Has he not asked her to move in with him instead? Surely he wouldn't want to move that far away from his son? It'd kill him to do that if he loved him as much as he should.

 

[daneuse27]

I don't think the girlfriend is at fault here. Unfortunately, the FOB is the one making the choice to move far away from his son and the distance may be too far for a young baby/toddler to travel every second week. I'm sorry OP, I don't know what to suggest, but I think its awful decision for him to make. Your son should be the most important thing in the world to him.

 

[Romanae]

Yeah I'm not blaming his new gf at all. Thing is she has a three year old so I doubt she'd move up here, and fob has always moaned about how he hates living in a big city.

I just never thought he'd be awful enough to move so far away. I don't care what he says, his actions are clearly showing me he'd rather live near his girlfriend than his son, and I don't think he deserves to see my baby if he cares so little for him.

I'd also like to add that he's been dating her for less than two weeks. Yet he's moving down to be with her without thinking of the consequences for his son.

 

[Romanae]

Just like to add that I don't want to cut him out of devons life, no matter how angry I get at him for his stupid decisions I could never do that unless Devon was in danger. I'm just going to try my hardest to stop him from taking Devon on these huge trips. It's disruptive and unnecessary. He can come up and visit whenever he wants, we have always had that rule, but I won't have Devon being regularly taken so far in the car seat.

At the very least, its bad for his health to be strapped in there for so long.

 

[Dezireey]

God, hate to say it but why do so many men think with their D"**ks? most women wouldn't even think of moving in with a guy they have known two weeks, let alone uproot to another city to be with them, he sounds like an idiot

Oh well, he is going to learn the hard way. I think it might be worth your while to just stipulate to him and discuss that he can come see his child anytime but it is not feasible at such a young age for a baby to spend hours in a car. Talk to your lawyer, try to get a compromise. I mean, there is definitely a HUGE difference in taking a baby away in a car for that long and e.g a five year old.

It's just logical and practical. He must be mad, thinking of travelling back and forth for that length of time?

 

[daneuse27]

It almost sounds like your FOB is in lust for this girl and hasn't fully thought all of this through. He may think its perfectly fine for a baby to spend 8 hours in a car every other weekend, but it isn't - its not good for his physical development (and there's no way I would let my own LO go through this. ) your son shouldn't have to be stuck in a car for that long because his dad chose to live closer to some new girl he just met over him. I think you're on the right track with your thinking - if he'd rather live close to her, then is proving more committment to her than to his son, and that means he doesn't deserve to have weekends with him anymore. I think you should definitely talk to a lawyer to find out your rights in case he really goes through with this.

 

[Romanae]

Cheers guys, I'm going to make an appt to sort out a lawyer and all that rubbish before this Friday, when he comes to pick up dev. Christ this is going to be a fun conversation -_-

 

[deafgal]

Even I couldn't handle a four hours trip (and back) every weekend. I hope you get this straightened out.