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I don't know what to tell her....

crdo

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First off, I'm a guy. I have a friend who... for lack of a better description, wants to get pregnant by any means necessary. She wants nothing more than to be a single mother. Yes, it's not that she wants to break it off with a bad b/f and raise a kid on her own, she wants to do EVERYTHING alone. I don't understand this. I tell her that being a single mother is EXTREMELY difficult (not that I'd know), but she doesn't even have a steady job. She has no useful college education (I think she dropped out before she finished.) I tell her she should TALK to people. Ask people how it really is. I tell her I'm worried about her life decision because she has a hard time taking care of pets...

She simply yells at me because "Pets are nothing like kids, you don't love pets."

Look, I'm not one to rain on someone's parade. If that's what she REALLY wants to do then so be it, but I just don't know how to get through to her that what she wants is....I can't even describe it. I tried telling her that she's going about it the wrong way, and at least try to find a good guy that's not into her for sex (she's... gorgeous to say the least.), but she just brushes it off saying she's tried and such.

I'm not (trying) to be sexist, but it's not often that someone wants to willingly go into something like this. I just want her to do more research, maybe talk to a support group or something. She just yells at me and hangs up the phone when I tell her that.

I just don't know what to do. I don't want her to make a mistake. (Yes I consider wanting to have a baby when you have no stable job a mistake. Argue with me if you want.)

For the record. She's 23, so no, she's not "running out of time."
 
Hmm well I agree with you, definitely not something I'd do. However I guess being someone's friend means just supporting them anyway, despite being open about your worries, and being around to help and not saying I told you so when it does turn out to be very difficult for her. I agree, it does seem mad to do something like this aged 23, soooo much time to meet a nice guy. But ultimately it's her life.

I don't think anyone is prepared for the reality of having a baby, even when in a stable relationship, the sleep deprivation etc, so I would worry about her too. But sometimes having a baby really brings the best out in people so she may turn out absolutely fine, too.
 
I would LOVE to be around for her. We... were very close when we were younger. Unfortunately I live 1800 miles away now.

Are there any other resources I could use to convince her?
 
Oh dear! That's a shame you live so far away, sounds like you would be great for her to have around.

I don't know how she intends to live money wise with a baby in her own? Obviously money will be extremely tight for her, maybe try and warn her about that angle of things? I've enough money to cover the essentials only.
 
If she can't be responsible and take care of pets... That says it all in my opinion.
 
I've tried to tell her that money would be a problem, and she should at least have a stable job before she does this. But again, she refuses to listen. :wacko:
 
tell her to babysit or take a part time nanny job for a baby or ask a friend if she can help look after their baby. She needs to experience it to understand it. Shame that she's 23 and thinking like this as she has plenty of time for all this. Being a single mum is not extremely difficult, you make it sound like a military mission in a warzone lol :-)

It's just harder than doing it with a man to support you and help out. It has it's own advantages aswell so it's not the crazy hard thing it's made out to be.

She sounds like she won't listen to you anyway, I'm afraid she may learn the hard way that it would have been better for her to wait until she's older to do this but I guess it'll be too late when she realises the responsibility it entails and the commitment.
 
What is the problem?
Loads of women realise that they don't need men to raise a child.
And loads of women are paying spermbanks so they dont get a demanding, pain-in-the-ass ex.
I think those women are wise.
And extremely admirable!
 
I thought you were avoiding this forum because we arent all happy chappies for you? that didn't last long.

As you may or may not be aware dear, there are a large amount of women on this planet that would actually prefer to bring up their children with a Daddy. Having a Dad around provides such things as love for the baby, extra income to help provide for a child, safety and security and an extra pair of hands. Most of us also welcome being part of a family unit if we can get it.
God I find you offensive. Coming on a particular forum where most of us would give our right arm for our babbies to have their Daddies in their lives and most of us have gone through hell and you just brush it all off like 'na what's the problem... go to a spermbank etc'.

What's more 'admirable' is a woman who is desperate for kids and she's getting old and goes to a spermbank or a couple who can't have kids. When you are 23 and can't be bothered to wait a few years till you get a better job to provide for a child and god forbid, a possible loving partner, that is NOT admirable, sorry.
 
I take since she doesn't have much money, no stable job etc she'd be looking at either finding someone who doesn't have any objection to having a baby or deceiving someone into fathering a child? Either has the possibility that the father will want to be involved and he'll have every right to do so.

I think the other thing to think is what happens when the child starts asking about their father.

I pesonally would never have chosen to be a single mother.
 
Is she talking about tricking somebody into having a child? Because that says it all in my opinion. And if she has no stable job or environment, I don't understand why she'd choose it :/ I can understand the need to be so desperate for a child that you want to do anything... But I guess she needs to look past that?

It's great that you're there for her, just keep on doing what you're doing... You can't stop her if she is set on it, but at least you can be there for support. She will realise how hard it is. x
 
To be honest, if you love what you do and have no obnoxious ex to deal with, it's not always that hard. I do everything myself and I find it's easier than taking care of my dogs.
...I'm even looking into homeschooling my horde.
 

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