I don't want my mother at the birth

[BrandiCanucks]

My mom was there for all 4 of my kids, but not for my last child's delivery. I had an emergency c-section due to cord prolapse so she wasn't allowed in the OR.

When I came out of anesthesia, I went to announce his birth and explain what happened, only to find that my mother had already plastered it all over her page and my own page, in typical dramatic fashion "OMG Almost lost my baby girl and precious grandson!"...along those lines.

She went on to talk about the "scary prolapse", and how she got to see Asher and he was adorable. She announced his weight, length, birth time, EVERYTHING before I had a chance to.

I get that she wanted to let people know that we came through it okay, but simply "She had to go for an emergency c-section, but I'll let her announce details when she comes out" would have been better. I had specifically told her for WEEKS that no one was to announce anything until I had announced, and she broke that. Everyone had already seen photos of my son before I even woke up from the anesthesia. I told her how pissed off I was that she did that, how I felt disrespected, and she told me to get over it.

Since I'm staying Team Green/Yellow this time, I'm worried that she'll go and plaster pictures and the sex and all the details all over Facebook before I'm stitched up and in recovery. (I'm planning a c-section).

I'm thinking about just not even telling her that I'm having a c-section at all. Just playing on the day of the section like I went to an appointment and was told to go to the hospital to have an emergency one and not give her enough time to get there. My best friend said she would be there in the delivery room with me and I trust her to not announce anything. She has more respect than my mother does. In fact, I'm thinking about not even mentioning that I'm planning a c-section and just playing like I said above..."It's Baby Time" on Facebook and then announce everything when it's all said and done and I'm in recovery.

What do you think?

 

[AP]

She told you to "get over it"? awful!

If you aren't up for having her there, don't tell her any of your birth plans. With both my births we didnt tell anyone until the babies were born and we had some time to ourselves. Was lovely not having others around to be honest!

 

[Rachel89]

I'm so sorry about this. I honestly, time and time again, still cannot believe why people have the audacity to do this. Especially mothers! She is a mom herself, you would think she would understand. Of course they didn't have facebook and social media/e-mail at their time. But it seems natural and completely understandable for parents that want to, to announce the birth of their child first, doesn't matter if it is the first or the 7th.


Honestly in a situation like this it is better to be more honest and straight forward, which might cause some conflict but will help with her learning not to do that and to respect you. Giving birth and all that goes along with it is so personal, and a special time.

I would tell her you will be giving birth and will want to only be with hubby and when you are ready you will let her know to come and that you and hubby will be the ones to first announce the birth and details of babiies birth, and that she needs to respect that. xxx


P.S. I know it is not easy, as they can make it seem like you're the bad guy. But considering how your mom acted in the past I wouldn't risk it at all tbh. If she would've apologized and said she understood but emotions took over or whatever, then fine. But it doesn't sound like she understood at all.

 

[TTC First]

I would be the same way if I were you.

We may end up having a c section but we still don't want to loose the surprise and anticipation of not knowing when the baby will be here. I don't want to tell anyone when the c section is planned. I will have DH call everyone after it is over and they can all come to the hospital at that time. This would be an option for you too.

 

[DoubleTFun]

yikes! I know I had my mom witness the birth of her first grandchild, and she assumed she was welcome at all future births. So a few weeks before my DS was born I told her that it was just going to be my hubby and I. My labor was really fast with my first and I arrived pushing and when she walked in the door she freaked me out more than anything. I allowed her to be there during labor of my second but when it came down to pushing out she went. I can totally understand why you would be upset with her! I can't believe she told you to get over it!!! Your baby your choice. Some parents don't like their babies posted all over social media, and she didn't give you that option. Do what you feel is best for you and your child. We always announced out children's names before they were born, but this time since I decided early that my husband could name our twins my mom freaked out that I have to carry them and I should get a say. I told her to let it go and I was fine with my husband naming our children. So I decided to keep our kids name secret until they are born and then we will let everyone know. She keeps trying to get the names out of us, but too bad!

 

[PocoHR]

Ugh, that sounds like a tough situation. I think your plan to just not tell her and then go in and announce when you're ready is good. That way, you cut down on drama. Of course being able to be straightforward with her would be best, but I know that is not always an option with some people.

My mother has a lot of problems and unfortunately isn't always capable of behaving like a normal adult person, so I can't always be honest with her like I am with other normal adult people. In my opinion if you are going to act like a disrespectful, misbehaved kid, you're going to get treated like one, and that includes having people not let you in on things. I hope you'll be able to work things out so that you get the experience that YOU want!

 

[klsltsp]

I say do what ever you want to do, I know lots of people who don't tell anyone about their section dates... and if she gets upset afterwards, just tell her to get over it

 

[Rachel89]

I say do what ever you want to do, I know lots of people who don't tell anyone about their section dates... and if she gets upset afterwards, just tell her to get over it

 

[Scout]

When she said, 'just get over it', that would have made my decision right there. I wouldn't tell her a thing until after baby is born. GL

 

[kuntrykutie]

If I was in that situation and my mother said that to me, I would flip out and rip her a new one. That is very disrespectful of her. It's your child, the least she could let you do is announce everything. Dang, that just kind of irritates me. I'm glad no matter how much I would like my mother in the room, she keeps telling me that she wont be in there because it's something that should be just for me and my fiance. All-in-all, I wouldn't tell her that you are planning a c-section, that way she will have to wait to find everything out just like everyone else. Best of luck to you, and I hope the delivery with this one is smoother than the last

 

[BrandiCanucks]

That's what I said to her. Announcing that I needed an emergency c-section would have been fine. That way people would know that they'll have to wait for a baby announcement. Posting his photo, announcing the time, weight, length, details of why I needed the c-section, etc...before I had even SEEN him or woken up from the anesthesia, NOT appropriate. People on Facebook saw him before his mother did.

I like the idea of telling her to "get over it"

 

[lewood88]

Im ao glad my mon doesnt have facebook

 

[wishingonastar]

My mum did this to me in a similar way. We're not close anyway and as I text close friends and family to explain I was going in for induction she took it upon herself to call the hospital directly for updates on whether I'd had the baby...considering I had my phone and had no msgs enquiring about the birth I think it was strange to ring hospital. She happened to ring within mins of me giving birth and immediately text everyone telling them the baby had been born. So when my baby was less than ten mins old and while I was still waiting to be stitched up our phones were pinging with congratulations. It completely stole our thunder on one of the most special days of our lives.

As a result the only person who knew when I went into labour with our second was my MIL and that's cos she looked after our eldest for us. I gave birth without anyone knowing until we then announced it.

I will be doing the same with this baby too

 

[LilianA]

I wouldn't tell her the planned date!! i had to tell my mom not to come too ..she lives in another state and came down the last couple times to stay with the kids while we are at the hospital but she is awful with kids and gets so stressed an upset over any move they make so im not going to put my kids thru that again and we asked her to not come..it wasn't easy but in the end when our hormones are all over the place after birth it will help not to have extra stressors from things they are doing to us!!!