I feel like a terrible dog owner - UPDATED

[Marie000]

I have always loved dogs, ever since I was little.
As an adult, I spent most of my time at university, going from one apartment to another. So getting a dog was never a viable option.

Two years ago we bought a house and moved to the country, so first thing I did was to get a dog. Then another. I thought two dogs would be much more fun than one. Both dogs were rescue and I knew they would need some work. I was sure I could handle it and I was so proud to be giving those poor dogs a good forever home.

Now I have had these dogs for two years but I am thinking of giving away one of them. I feel terrible. I feel like I failed as a dog owner. Poor Maggie could be such a good dog, but I feel like I am failing her.
She's a nervous dog, easily scared. She is nervous inside, almost claustrophobic. She is scared of the baby. What worries me about it is that she doesn't always react intelligently when scared. She gets nervous when the baby goes towards her, but she doesn't go away. She freezes. She is a very gentle dog, and will patiently put up with just about anything, but it still makes me nervous. I am constantly trying to keep her and the baby separated.
Outside, we cannot leave Maggie loose. She will not come back when called. I tried training her on that, but she is really independent. It's like trying to recall a stubborn cat. She comes back when she feels like it. Our neighbors are close enough that a roaming dog is just not an option at all. Plus, she has started attacking our ducks. She killed many of them over the summer when she accidentally got loose.

To add to all that, I do not have the time and energy to keep up with two dogs. I am suffering from depression and what little energy I have goes to taking care of the baby.
And we are broke. Paying for a dog trainer or behaviorist is just not an option. We are struggling to just buy dog food. We cannot fence the yard either.

Maggie is such a sweet dog. I'm sure she would be happy with the right family, but I think it might be time for me to admit that she is just not the right dog for us.

OH has never liked Maggie much and he only likes animals that are "useful" He doesn't understand how torn up I am about this. I made a lifelong commitment to this dog, and I failed. There's no other way to put it.

Sorry, no point in this thread really. I just needed to get this out.

 

[Feebster1]

You havent failed at all honey.

Sounds to me like maybe maggie is a city dog, certainly if her first instinct when free is to kill ducks nearby i cant see she is ok with the countryside.
Sometimes being a good animal owner is making the hard choices for the benefit of the animal and that includes rehoming if its not working.
After 2 years with no improvement i think you have done well, its also hard to admit you cant afford it, i have alot of respect for that.

Try and think of it as a new happy beginning for her, possible she needs a home where she is the whole focus of attention at least till she resolves her issues.

We have a rescue too and he has some minor issues but i know what i need to do to resolve it. Im getting pressure from my mum to get rid of him as she thinks he is too much and upsets lo, far from it! Mum doesnt understand that 'dog for life' thing either. However that sadly doesnt always work despite our best efforts. Our mutt Devon at least runs away from baby when she advances so if thats his coping tactic for now thats fine.

Some people dont realise how hard it can be having a baby never mind a dog to boot, especially if its a needy dog. Devon can be needy and insecure at times but is definitely improving so we are crossing our fingers for a happy ending here!

I really feel for you honey i do, hopefully you can find the wee girl a great home who are set up to match her current needs.

 

[Marie000]

Thanks.

I am still struggling with the thought of putting that ad online to find a new home for her. It's so hard to actually do it.
OH says it's up to me of course. He wont make me do anything I don't want to. But I know he doesn't like Maggie. He tries to help by telling people we are looking for a new home for her, but most of the people he speaks to I wouldn't trust to take Maggie or even to be good judges in finding someone else to take her.

Reading your reply did make me smile a little though. You are officially the first person to refer to Maggie as a wee girl. She's actually a Great Pyrenees / Golden Retriever cross.
To be fair, I also tend to picture nervous, scared dogs as wee things.

 

[Feebster1]

Thanks.

I am still struggling with the thought of putting that ad online to find a new home for her. It's so hard to actually do it.
OH says it's up to me of course. He wont make me do anything I don't want to. But I know he doesn't like Maggie. He tries to help by telling people we are looking for a new home for her, but most of the people he speaks to I wouldn't trust to take Maggie or even to be good judges in finding someone else to take her.

Reading your reply did make me smile a little though. You are officially the first person to refer to Maggie as a wee girl. She's actually a Great Pyrenees / Golden Retriever cross.
To be fair, I also tend to picture nervous, scared dogs as wee things.

Hahahaha!

Being scottish everything is referred to as 'wee' here, a wee trip, a wee drink, a wee dog, a wee house etc....dosent matter if it's giant we still say 'wee'!! lol.

Its not easy i know, ive had to rehome 2 dogs in my lifetime, a greyhound that just never settled and seemed to fall in love with my friend (was a guy) so think she just prefered men. He took her on and she never looked back, no nerves nothing! In my house she wouldnt walk over hard floors, i had runners of carpet everywhere, she went to his house and didnt bat and eyelid!
Guess that was just what she needed, a bloke! lol

Had to rehome a young male crossbreed too many years ago now, lived in a rented house in semi rural situation with fields at our back door. Landlord said we could have a dog as long as we were careful and it behaved, my oh at the time managed to miss him escaping the garden and he spent a good 20 mins happily chasing the sheep around wanting to play ( he wasnt vicious in the least). sadly the farmer saw him and he told the landlord he would shoot it the next time he saw it and landlord unimpressed so he had to go!

Just remember its for the 'big' girls good and she will probably be a much happier dog when there arent any ducks to tempt her!
Not surprised you are struggling to afford her either, she must eat a fortune in food!
Thankfully Devon is more lab sized and his food only costs us £16 (researched long and hard to find that!) every 2 months or we would be struggling as well!!
Good Luck!

 

[staceymxxx]

If she is a rescue you need to check your contract as it may say shes has to be returned to them and not sold on or rehomed privately.

 

[Marie000]

If she is a rescue you need to check your contract as it may say shes has to be returned to them and not sold on or rehomed privately.

I'll have to look at what the contract said, but either way I don't think I would want to return her to the rescue. It was a city shelter, so not a no-kill shelter. If I returned her, I would have no guarantee that she would be put up for adoption. Even if she was put for adoption, that would mean spending days, weeks or months in a cage. Not a good prospect for a claustrophobic dog.

 

[Marie000]

UPDATE:

Well, Maggie has gone to her new family yesterday. I knew I would be sad but I didn't imagine it would hurt so much. I felt like I lost a piece of my heart.
She was such a special dog. She has such a gentle soul. She was scared, but also patient, and... wise. Strange thing to say about a dog, but I really can't explain it.
I wished so hard that she could have been my dog but it wasn't meant to be.

She now lives with a really nice retired couple who has lost their beloved dog last year, after having him for 15 years. They have a huge house, large fenced yard and go on tons of walk in their beautiful quiet town. And Maggie just loved them right away. She is usually really tense around strangers but never with them.

I now know I made the right choice for her. I just wish it made it easier right now.

 

[Char&Bump-x]

Aww hun, sounds like she's gone to a lovely couple and will be very happy there, you did the right thing
to you x

 

[Button#]

Sounds like you have made the right choice for Maggie. I agree with a pp that being a responsible pet owner involves doing the best thing for your pet even if it means going against what you want. I hope Maggie has a lovely life in her new home.

 

[sbaker1980]

We had a dog before my second son was born. He was fine with older children (in fact him and my eldest were best friends) but he wasn't good around babies/toddlers at all so we tried our best during my pregnancy to get him used to babies/toddlers but it just wasn't happening and we obviously couldn't risk it and had to get him rehomed.

He went to a lovely couple in the countryside who still send us updates on him now- he is having a great time!

Sometimes these things just don't work out. Nothing to feel bad about!! *hug*

 

[Feebster1]

Such a shame and heartbreaking but you have done the best by her.

Thanks for the update and hope both you and her enjoy a slightly less stressful future.

 

[Marie000]

Thanks everyone.

I feel better now. I know Maggie is better off and I am so glad I went to drop her off, so I was able to see her new house. It makes it easier to know where she is.

As for me, I am getting used to having just one dog again. I think I prefer it that way. Instead of struggling to take care of two dogs, I can enjoy taking care of one. Now I have more time to walk her, play with her and train her.