I lost my baby today... how long before i try again?

[Sasha92]

Hello everybody

As the title says I lost my baby in the eairly hours of the morning after heavy bleeding and being in A&E for 6 hours they finally declared a misscarrige around 1.30am. I was 12w6d and my "12 week scan" would have been today at 2.40pm. I had an 8 week private scan and the baby was fine so i know the baby passed after the 8 week mark but i have no real idea when. I'd like yo think i passed it quite soon after they passed but know knows...

I am totally lost and I have no idea what to think or do. The doctor says I can try again after one cycle but right now I don't feel ready.

I wanted to get some advice from you ladies on how long you waited. It almost feels disrespectful to my last one to just move on so quickly... almost like they never existed at all.

I really want a child as it took me ages to conceive this one but I also don't know if I'm strong enough to go through another loss like this one.

Any advice or kind words appricated xx

 

[Dream143r]

Oh Sasha - I'm so sorry to hear this, it's heartbreaking. I'm sorry for your loss.

I don't have any experience on how this feels or how long you should wait. I just wanted to offer my support. Sending luv and positive vibes your way.

*Hugs*

 

[JessyG]

I am so sorry to read this. I dont really have any advice on when to start trying again, only when you feel ready, i guess but i wanted to say how sorry i am you are going through this.

Be kind to yourself. X

 

[Kiwiberry]

I am so sorry sweetie for your loss, how heartbreaking .

I don't have any experience with this sweetie so I can't give you any advice. I'm really sorry this happened to you and like some of the other ladies have said just give yourself as much time as you need.

 

[xMissxZoiex]

Massive hugs, its heart breaking

Physically there isn't any reason to wait after your bleeding has finished but emotionally it may take a while, you need time to grieve your baby and the future you'd planned with them. Only you know when you will be truly ready, after I lost my first son I immediately started TTC again we had started the IVF process again (He was an IVF baby) and after a few months i'd decided I wasn't ready and I didn't want to have another baby because I couldn't bare to lose another but I unexpectedly fell pregnant naturally 7 months after losing Leo, I struggled to bond during pregnancy but my LO really helped heal my grief.

Be kind to yourself and don't rush your healing.

 

[zoe2010]

I'm so so so sorry was this your first pregnancy? I too miscarried mine this week. I was only 6 weeks, but it still is devastating. My doctor advised us to wait at least one cycle before trying again. I honestly don't know what we will do. At this point I am so disappointed and angry and sad all at the same time that I don't think I wanna go through this again. If you ever need to talk or vent let me know
Sending love and hugs your way!

 

[Sasha92]

I'm so so so sorry was this your first pregnancy? I too miscarried mine this week. I was only 6 weeks, but it still is devastating. My doctor advised us to wait at least one cycle before trying again. I honestly don't know what we will do. At this point I am so disappointed and angry and sad all at the same time that I don't think I wanna go through this again. If you ever need to talk or vent let me know
Sending love and hugs your way!

Yes this was my first. I told everybody at work and announced it to Facebook because we were past the 12 week mark so today has been very emotional. I had to tell my manager to explain my absence and everybody has been messaging me asking how the scan went (as i had a scan scheduled for today) so I ended up just writing a post in our work group chat just to end the questions. Everybody is really sad and supportive as they all knee how much i wanted the baby.

I do want to try again asap I just wanted to see how others dealt with the situation as it took 5 months to convince the first time and that was heart breaking enough

 

[zoe2010]

I'm so so so sorry was this your first pregnancy? I too miscarried mine this week. I was only 6 weeks, but it still is devastating. My doctor advised us to wait at least one cycle before trying again. I honestly don't know what we will do. At this point I am so disappointed and angry and sad all at the same time that I don't think I wanna go through this again. If you ever need to talk or vent let me know
Sending love and hugs your way!

Yes this was my first. I told everybody at work and announced it to Facebook because we were past the 12 week mark so today has been very emotional. I had to tell my manager to explain my absence and everybody has been messaging me asking how the scan went (as i had a scan scheduled for today) so I ended up just writing a post in our work group chat just to end the questions. Everybody is really sad and supportive as they all knee how much i wanted the baby.

I do want to try again asap I just wanted to see how others dealt with the situation as it took 5 months to convince the first time and that was heart breaking enough

It took 5 months for us as well I've heard that it is very common for women to conceive pretty quickly after a MC. So fingers crossed for you!

 

[karoolia]

Sasha, I am so sorry. I know how very heartbreaking this can be.

In terms of when to try next, like others have said, it really depends on you. My OB said to have one af and then we could start trying if we were ready. We actually started trying 2 weeks after my miscarriage bleeding ended. Getting back into trying has helped me, but I will tell you that trying so quickly caused me stress because I was still getting positive pregnancy tests and could't tell for sure if it was leftover HCG or the real thing (it was leftover).

We are now trying for real and although I am scared to go through it all again, I know that it is the right thing for me to TTC asap. For others, the right thing is absolutely to wait a few months.

You'll need to really think about what you want and what you need. Remember that there is no right answer. What is right for someone else may not be right for you.

I am really sorry that you had to experience this. I know when it is your first it is especially scary because you start to question everything, I know I have. Try to remind yourself that miscarriages are unfortunately common and accept the support of others. I was amazed to learn how many other women I knew had been through this.

We have a nice support thread in this section if you want to join, it is called "Looking for TTC buddies". Chatting with the ladies there has really helped me.

 

[Ready4BabyS]

I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss, I know that it is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. When I was miscarrying, my doctor said that I was able to try whenever I felt ready, as long as I had finished bleeding from the miscarriage. She said, if you wait till after your first AF, it is easier for them to predict a due date or how far along you are, but there really is no reason (unless you aren't emotionally ready) not to try as soon as it's over.

 

[emilydee87]

Oh no I am so sorry to hear this. My heart breaks for you, truly. I just had my first pregnancy and miscarriage two days ago. I was only 5 weeks. My hubby and I are going to try again right away. But I think there is a world of difference between 5 and 12. We only knew for a week, and we still couldn't believe it fully. At week 12 I'm sure it had sunk in and you had become more attached to your baby emotionally. I cant imagine. Take it one day at a time. Maybe, give yourself the grace to not have a plan. Just be. Be sad, be angry, be tired, distract yourself, treat yourself, honor the loss as you need to. Physically, I think you can start trying as soon as your numbers go to zero, so its really up to your emotional state.

 

[Sasha92]

Yeah we had built the cot brought a pram and everything it's been heartbreaking. I just don't want to do anything.. I dont want to go to work, can't function. I think I'm talking into depression I just can't handle it.

Oh no I am so sorry to hear this. My heart breaks for you, truly. I just had my first pregnancy and miscarriage two days ago. I was only 5 weeks. My hubby and I are going to try again right away. But I think there is a world of difference between 5 and 12. We only knew for a week, and we still couldn't believe it fully. At week 12 I'm sure it had sunk in and you had become more attached to your baby emotionally. I cant imagine. Take it one day at a time. Maybe, give yourself the grace to not have a plan. Just be. Be sad, be angry, be tired, distract yourself, treat yourself, honor the loss as you need to. Physically, I think you can start trying as soon as your numbers go to zero, so its really up to your emotional state.

 

[steph1607]

Oh Sasha, my heart really goes out to you, I remember you from the other thread.

I am so sorry to be reading this, I can only imagine how you must be feeling.

Have you been able to go to your GP and discuss how you are feeling? This is hugely traumatic and you may need some professional help to help you process it all and know how you can begin to look forwards.

Sending you so much love, I'm here if you want to talk. Look after yourself

 

[Sasha92]

Thank you...

It's been awful I haven't been able to stop crying for days..
I'm going to the GP later on today as I need to be signed off work for more days. I'm not ready to go back in yet. I have a holiday planned for Saturday so I'm hoping after that I'll be ok and ready to join civalsation again

Have you been able to go to your GP and discuss how you are feeling? This is hugely traumatic and you may need some professional help to help you process it all and know how you can begin to look forwards.

Sending you so much love, I'm here if you want to talk. Look after yourself

 

[steph1607]

It's good that you're going to the GP today. And very good that you have a holiday coming up too. Is it going to be a relaxing holiday?

 

[Sasha92]

It's half relaxing lol I'm taking my 5 year old niece and my best friend is bringing her 4 year old son. I've taken my niece away alot but it's always slightly stressful flying and taking children away. However I do love spending time with them all and my niece is golden

 

[riverbee]

I just joined the forum, looking for info/support, etc. and saw your post.

I just wanted to extend my sympathies and let you know you're not alone. I just went through a very similar experience. I miscarried unexpectedly at home late the night of my 12w6 day, just before my scheduled scan the next day at 13w. It was Father's Day so we had just told family and friends as we were past the dreaded 12w mark and had already had an early scan and saw heartbeat, etc. It was our first pregnancy as well.
The loss is profound, the shock takes your breath away, but we're strong and we'll survive it. It will make us better mothers when we do get our rainbow babies--we will know what miracles they are!

All that to say, lots of hugs and hope for what lies ahead of us.

 

[Sasha92]

I just joined the forum, looking for info/support, etc. and saw your post.

I just wanted to extend my sympathies and let you know you're not alone. I just went through a very similar experience. I miscarried unexpectedly at home late the night of my 12w6 day, just before my scheduled scan the next day at 13w. It was Father's Day so we had just told family and friends as we were past the dreaded 12w mark and had already had an early scan and saw heartbeat, etc. It was our first pregnancy as well.
The loss is profound, the shock takes your breath away, but we're strong and we'll survive it. It will make us better mothers when we do get our rainbow babies--we will know what miracles they are!

All that to say, lots of hugs and hope for what lies ahead of us.

Yes we lost out baby at the exact same time what a sad coincidence :sad: it is so sad. I'm not over it yet and I know I won't be ready to go back to work next week either.

I have however decided to try again straight away so I'm hoping I a fee weeks to see a GBP again and have a March baby!