I need to stop this

[iluvbump]

A lady who helped me come to terms with mc after she was told she mc few days before me has found out that after all that hurt she went through her baby is still there! And I thought "wow maybe the lady who did my ultrasound got it wrong for me too" then I thought to myself "stop being stupid ur baby isn't there and you know it"
I really thought I'd come to terms with it all and now I feel rubbish again xxx

 

[tweedy]

it is only natural to hold out hope after what you have gone through, i lost at baby at 9 1/2 weeks, then when i got my appointment through the following day for my 12 week scan i thought it was a sign i should go anyway and they'd find a baby. i only cancelled it the day before, as that was when i really sank in that the baby was gone, boobs didn't hurt anymore and i finally stopped having morning sickness, and i had a D&C and everything.

sorry for your loss, hopefully you will start to come to terms with thinsg soon, but it's okay if you don't...this site will be great for support until then x

 

[iluvbump]

I just feel really silly

seeing as we are kind of TTC now. And then all of this happens
I am on a week off work to help me try to come to terms with everything.. and i was feeling all okay..
Now i feel rubbish again..
xxx

 

[Niamh22]

it has only been a week for you of course you are upset things will still be very raw (and natural to think maybe it is the same for you as your friend) i still get upset about my first MMC and that was over a year ago it is natural to grieve and have good days and bad days. and eventually there will be a lot more good than bad

 

[cowboys angel]

I still feel the same occasionally about my first child that I MC'd, and also about my second, who I also MC'd. And I'm 1-2 months from giving birth! Don't worry about the fact that you're still upset or holding out hope! Don't put a time frame on when you should heal. It will only upset you more, and make it harder to get through the days. Just concentrate on 'today' and 'this week,' and the future. Try not to stress yourself out, you'll only make yourself sick.

Trust me, I know this is easier said than done. Over two and a half years after losing my Grace and I still cry for her sometimes. The point isn't getting to the point where you stop crying, stop missing bubs, stop mourning for your child. The point is surviving. The point is being able to smile again. The point is stopping the searing pain in your heart.

 

[iluvbump]

I know.
I just thought it was great that i haven't cried in days and thought that maybe i was getting used to it all..

Me and my OH have been fighting a bit on and off.. and one time on sunday to the point where he asked a friend if he could stay with him for a couple days! Luckily we sorted it all out and he stayed! But its silly little fights. So i'm wondering whether hes still feeling reeeeally down about the MC inside.. trouble is he doesnt like to talk about it much we only had a big convo about it the day we discovered.
I do try to talk to him about it but he says he is fine.
And to be honest most of the time he does seem absolutely fine. As i do.

I do worry though.
As before we discovered it was expecting we argued SO much. And then soon as we found out i was pregnant everything picked up and we were always happy. then i MC and things went back downhill after a couple days.
I told him that i am terrified hes going to leave me now.. as he told me sunday hes not totally happy all the time with me anymore.

He had a fight with me friday night over the fact that i asked a male friend who i havent seen in over a year if he wanted to come over n catch up. He told me he doesnt think its right for me to have guys over... even though ive explained to him that they are just friends and i cant help being friends with guys more than girls. ive always been that way since i was a little girl!
But now its like i worry that if i see a male friend hes gonna freak out on me.
I know hes been cheated on so many times.
But i really love him and he knows i have been cheated on beaten etc by men and for the first time im genuinely happy and in love. But it doesnt stop him freaking out on me!

I don't wanna lose him.
And hes even told me he knows hes got problems and he needs to get used to it.
but he just hates it all. but i keep telling him, if i was going to cheat on him or i didnt love him. i wouldnt of decided to carry his baby (even though i lost bubba)
I just hate this feeling.
And all this stuff has come out since the MC

 

[iluvbump]

I still feel the same occasionally about my first child that I MC'd, and also about my second, who I also MC'd. And I'm 1-2 months from giving birth! Don't worry about the fact that you're still upset or holding out hope! Don't put a time frame on when you should heal. It will only upset you more, and make it harder to get through the days. Just concentrate on 'today' and 'this week,' and the future. Try not to stress yourself out, you'll only make yourself sick.

Trust me, I know this is easier said than done. Over two and a half years after losing my Grace and I still cry for her sometimes. The point isn't getting to the point where you stop crying, stop missing bubs, stop mourning for your child. The point is surviving. The point is being able to smile again. The point is stopping the searing pain in your heart.

That was so lovely of you to write that thankyou.

 

[cowboys angel]

No problem chicky.

I understand where you're having troubles though. My OH absolutely adores and worships his children. When I lost our first this past spring, I was so scared he would leave me. He was heartbroken, but knew I was absolutely losing it mentally. I have a history of depression and self-mutilation, so he was putting all his attention into keeping me sane and shut his own pain off, and that worried me also. Thankfully we made it, hope you will too.

I also understand the 'male friend' problem. I don't have near as many female friends as male friends, and for the longest time I didn't have my male friends over becuase I was afraid of what OH would say, as he has been cheated on and I know this and was afraid to hurt him. I'd never cheat on him, but I didn't want him to have to worry about that. (I also have a history of abusive relationships, god I'm a mess lol, and wasn't sure how he'd react, even though he has never laid a hand on me or been abusive in any way.) Thankfully he doesn't mind, as long as he knows before hand. (Which I find silly but whatever.)

And all this stuff has come out since the MC

Keep in mind that you are both hurting badly, and it is human nature when you are hurting to lash out at someone. (Even animals, if there's a hurt animal and you touch it, will it not snap at you? Growl?) Try to remember that you're both in pain, and will do and say things that normally you would not.

 

[iluvbump]

No problem chicky.

I understand where you're having troubles though. My OH absolutely adores and worships his children. When I lost our first this past spring, I was so scared he would leave me. He was heartbroken, but knew I was absolutely losing it mentally. I have a history of depression and self-mutilation, so he was putting all his attention into keeping me sane and shut his own pain off, and that worried me also. Thankfully we made it, hope you will too.

I also understand the 'male friend' problem. I don't have near as many female friends as male friends, and for the longest time I didn't have my male friends over becuase I was afraid of what OH would say, as he has been cheated on and I know this and was afraid to hurt him. I'd never cheat on him, but I didn't want him to have to worry about that. (I also have a history of abusive relationships, god I'm a mess lol, and wasn't sure how he'd react, even though he has never laid a hand on me or been abusive in any way.) Thankfully he doesn't mind, as long as he knows before hand. (Which I find silly but whatever.)

And all this stuff has come out since the MC

Keep in mind that you are both hurting badly, and it is human nature when you are hurting to lash out at someone. (Even animals, if there's a hurt animal and you touch it, will it not snap at you? Growl?) Try to remember that you're both in pain, and will do and say things that normally you would not.

yeah i have a history of depression too. as he does.
he's a great bf when hes not all worried and angry and stuff.
its just the moment he saw me texting my friend he didnt talk to me for 3 hours.
i cant have that all the time.
i need my friends.
and i need him to trust me!
xxx

 

[cowboys angel]

See? That's good!

he's a great bf when hes not all worried and angry and stuff.

It's a start!

Yes you need him to trust you, and he needs you there for him too. Just don't make any rash decisions while the pain is still raw and fresh.

 

[iluvbump]

Just don't make any rash decisions while the pain is still raw and fresh.

i wouldnt leave him or anything i love him too much as i know he loves me..
the boy chased after me for 3 years even though i kept telling him i wasnt interested lol
x

 

[cowboys angel]

Good! I think you two will be fine.

 

[iluvbump]

thanks i hope so! i love him too much to lose him xxx