I remember ...

[Farie]

I was musing today and thinking about all the things DF and I have been through while ltttc

I remember the excitiment and total conviction that 'this was the month'
I remember looking at baby web sites and catalogues working out what I would buy
I remember deciding what my 'marernity style' would be for winter or summer
I remember buying reams and reams of pregnancy and baby magazines
I remember taking a avid interest in product reviews and 'new innovations' - working out what I'd buy, what I'd 'need' etc
I remember every twinge being a preggo symptom ... possibly

Blahh and now I just dont care so much
Sad but true

 

[Dancingkaty1]

hi....i have been ttc number 2 for 17 mths now & am on 3rd cycle of clomid at the mo....

i still do most of those things lol!!! Just the other day i looked on the mamas & papas website to see if the pram that i would love is still for sale!!! mad arent i lol!!! its still half price so doubt by the time im preg it will even be in stock but i can dream.....

i am having a lap & dye on the 2nd feb so if we get the all clear from that then will pay private for iui we have agreed.....its alot of money ( wont get funded by nhs as we have our 4 yr old dd) but we just feel that we have gotta give it a try.

Its great that the morphology has improved....bet you will get ur BFP real soon!!! xx

 

[Nathyrra]

Well I was a bit more grounded last month rofl, but this month I've started my hormone treatment and I'm so excited about it, I've found myself sneaking onto baby sites during the day and adding up what I'll buy! Someone please shoot me?

Oh but to add one to the list..

I remember when I thought I'd be pregnant in the first month!

 

[silarose28]

Hiya
Ha ha - I remember buying umpteen pregnancy tests as I was totally convinced I was preggo first time I tried! Had sooooo many symptoms but have now realised that I have those anyway around ov and af!


I have to admit the highs and lows are fading a bit for me too - feel like I have given up a lttle bit which is better then crying every day I suppose! I'd be totally shocked if I got a BFP - I'd probably feel as shocked as a person who got a BFP totally unplanned and as a result of a one night stand with a stranger lol!!! The only thing that still gets me is when everyone else gets their BFPs - I feel like everyone is looking at me synpathetically thinking 'I hope she's ok!' Wish I'd never told anyone now but who knew if would take this long!!!!

 

[sparkle83]

I remember:
-thinking we'd have a millenium baby :O
-being certain I was pg first cy off bcp when af didnt show on the 29th day!
- being told the month after we started ttc and dh's aunt got PG that we'd be next... and then her next baby, the same, then the _next_ one...
- buying loads of odds and ends dirt cheap and hoarding them for the future
- and then giving them away because I was determined to gve up for good
-adding baby stuff to wish lists on B'R'Us and mothercare.
- believing that each time I got pg, it had to stick

 

[Blue12]

I was musing today and thinking about all the things DF and I have been through while ltttc

I remember the excitiment and total conviction that 'this was the month'
I remember looking at baby web sites and catalogues working out what I would buy
I remember deciding what my 'marernity style' would be for winter or summer
I remember buying reams and reams of pregnancy and baby magazines
I remember taking a avid interest in product reviews and 'new innovations' - working out what I'd buy, what I'd 'need' etc
I remember every twinge being a preggo symptom ... possibly

Blahh and now I just dont care so much
Sad but true

I remember these things too.

Since finding out about my fertility issues and that it is impossible to conceive we aren't trying any more. And I couldn't care a bit about all of those things so badly that I worry that if I ever do get pg ......... I am not sure I am ever going to be able to care again. I'm messed up I know.

 

[chefamy1122]

I remember things like that too....... now I am just bitter and angry most of the time.... really need to try to work on that.

 

[CareBear]

I was musing today and thinking about all the things DF and I have been through while ltttc

I remember the excitiment and total conviction that 'this was the month'
I remember looking at baby web sites and catalogues working out what I would buy
I remember deciding what my 'marernity style' would be for winter or summer
I remember buying reams and reams of pregnancy and baby magazines
I remember taking a avid interest in product reviews and 'new innovations' - working out what I'd buy, what I'd 'need' etc
I remember every twinge being a preggo symptom ... possibly

Blahh and now I just dont care so much
Sad but true

I remember feeling all this too and getting so exicted and thinking about how I would have the furniture in the room I would have as my nursery and I would imagine myself holding a baby in my arms rocking him ready to put him down for a nap. Now I either feel indifferent or angry or it hurts deep inside.

 

[miel]

 

[subaru555]

All i can say is me too!

Still kicking myself for the resentment I have - my sister is due in 3 weeks.

But it won't go away.

 

[Blue12]

I remember feeling all this too and getting so exicted and thinking about how I would have the furniture in the room I would have as my nursery and I would imagine myself holding a baby in my arms rocking him ready to put him down for a nap. Now I either feel indifferent or angry or it hurts deep inside.

I agree too that I am indifferent or angry. At our first house (where we ttc for 2 years) we had painted the "nursery" and it was exciting then devastating. We moved about a year ago and painted a "nursery" again (trying to be positive) but now the only way I can cope is to keep the door closed first it made me sad......and now more angry and resentful and indifferent....dh and I have even talked of re-painting it to survive.

 

[Farie]

Glad I'm not the only one whos sad, withdrawn and disillusioned

I've got just over 2.5 years until we are eligable for IVF - best to expect nothing and never be disapointed.
Another sad but true

 

[chefamy1122]

Glad I'm not the only one whos sad, withdrawn and disillusioned

I've got just over 2.5 years until we are eligable for IVF - best to expect nothing and never be disapointed.
Another sad but true

Nope definitely not the only one. I am right there with ya babe.

 

[peartree]

I remember:

Thinking it'd be good to start TTC the month before we got married, and then we'd have two causes for celebration, then deciding against it cos I'd 'be too tired to enjoy my wedding day'.

Sitting at work planning our wedding, and looking forward in my project programme to see what workload would be 'whilst I was off on maternity'.

In our plans, we're sitting with a one year old baby now, not sitting on the brink of IVF. Ack well. The best laid plans of mice and men...

 

[saara24]

I remember..

..frantically organising my stock room and office so's other people could make any sense from it, just after having taken on my first member of staff. I was terrified to let go of my work and terrified at the same time that'd I'd get preggo in the first couple of months and be too floored by morning sickness to do anything, leaving the business to someone who didn't know what they were doing.

Over a year later Bernadette can now be relied upon to hold the fort while we can go on holidays and business trips, and I have another member of staff here too, which would not have been possible had it not been for the complete re-organisation at the start.

I can only smile now though at how naive I was back then

 

[BizyBee]

Me too! Although I have to admit that I still do many of those things. I can't help it. I torment myself every month by looking at maternity clothes and nursery ideas, checking out the online due date calculator and checking my schedule to see what's happening at that time. I live vicariously through my friend's babies. I refuse to order cheap internet tests in bulk because "I won't need them soon". It's sick, but it gets me through this somehow. I have just recently started buying clothes again. I kept thinking I wouldn't fit in them for long, so it wasn't worth the money. Now, I've been buying a ton of stuff to fill my void!
Looking back though, I can't believe how naive I was. I have set up my classroom 2 years in a row to make things organized for my maternity leave. I wanted it in order for a substitute at the end of the year. I went to Jamaica shortly after going off of the pill and stayed out of the hot tub because I heard the temps were dangerous if pregnant. I even limited the amount of alcohol I drank "just in case", even though I had just finished my period. Wow, that seems like so long ago now...

 

[Blue12]

I totally understand what you ladies are saying about trying to organize work (I am a teacher too bizybee) and yet it is 5 years later.............and at this rate there is going to be an entire 6th year of work without a maternity leave ..............ugh.

 

[Leila Fae]

I have just recently started buying clothes again. I kept thinking I wouldn't fit in them for long, so it wasn't worth the money. Now, I've been buying a ton of stuff to fill my void!

I never completely stopped buying clothes but I couldn't bring myself to buy anything other than 'cheapie' clothes. I spent a couple of months buying something nice if I saw it but not letting myself take the labels off and wear it until AF showed so that way I wouldn't be completely disappointed because at least it meant I could wear my lovely new pencil skirt/pretty top/dress... I can't keep this up much longer otherwise I'll be broke!

So many posts have struck a chord with me - especially looking back over the last 18 months and thinking how naive I was. I do still get a bit edgy in the 2WW but I'm trying to distance myself from that to reduce the emotions when yet again I'm not pregnant.

What I'm REALLY struggling with is those flipping facebook updates where friends post that their 12 week scan went great.

 

[Blue12]

ugh yes................facebook sayings - my scan - or - i feel the movements - or complaining

 

[BizyBee]

Ugh, FB is awful. There are so many announcements, pictures, complaints... The worst part is the advertisement section which always has a damn ad for a local baby furniture store. I guess that's what happens when you're listed as married. WTF!?!