I want a third baby hubby does not

[heaveneats]

Hello ladies,

I haven't been on very much as life has been crazy with two kids Emma is 3 almost 4 and Hayden is 15 months. I have always dreamed of having 3 kids but never really discussed that with DH. He says he is happy with two and three would be hard. I agree it would be hard but I want to do it. It's making me really upset and I'm not sure why. I've been asking for months if we can but each time he says he doesn't know. I don't know what to do, I am so hurt and I know I shouldn't be. I'm sorry I'm venting I'm just hoping you girls can offer some insight.

 

[ricschick]

sorry your feeling like this! have you explained to him how much you want another?
maybe ask him when he would be willing too and tell him you will never regret having a baby but you might regret not having one x

 

[Needabun]

Oh nooo... He may just really need some time to thunk on it. Men get baby fever just like we do just not as quickly, he may not mind having a 3rd child come into the family just not right this instant...and we all know in marriage we compromise so both of us get what they want. Hope i could help! Goodluck!!

 

[Sarah369]

My husband was the same
When we had 2. I completely understand how you feel. I explained to him how I felt as best I could. It took a while but he eventually understood and we have 3 beautiful children. He's even agreed to number 4 next year.

Basically all I wanted to say really is I understand how you feel. When he initially said no I felt heartbroken. The thought of not being pregnant again hurt so bad

 

[Sealion24]

Exactly the same here, my oh has said 100% no to number 3 and I know he won't change his mind. Just hoping my desire to have a third goes away as the boys get older

 

[tkeith8109]

My husband was the same way. I finally asked him what his worries were, he said we needed a bigger car and to pay off his credit cards. So, I sat down and figured everything out. Once I showed him everything and explained how much I needed another child he thought about it and agreed to it. We are going to ttc in December. They just take more time. They think that once we get pregnant the baby comes the next day. You have to remind this we are not amazon and this stuff takes time. Once you talk to him try to compromise. Your youngest is only 15 months, maybe wait a little longer say once that child is 2, see if he is more okay with that. Good luck.

 

[tkeith8109]

I should also add that most men get really overwhelmed. I know my hubby does and that age is kind of overwhelming. Maybe seeing if he will agree to ot when your children are older will make it easier for him. With my hubby its easier for him to see that cause our kids are 4 and 6 so he knows it gets better.

 

[Flip flop]

I'm in a similar position but I've only had 1! I've been waiting for almost 3 years for him to come round.

 

[heaveneats]

Thanks ladies, I've sat with him a bit but he still won't budge, this is something I really want and not sure how to say to him I need this.

 

[dan-o]

If he says he doesn't know then maybe he would be ok with not trying, just having fun in the bedroom as and when you feel like it? Or is it him preventing?
Mine definitely got overwhelmed with TTC 1 and 2 and said no more, but was fine with ntnp #3 once I'd lost one (which was a surprise BFP while bfing)
I made sure I didn't make too much of a fuss about the (4) miscarriages I had while waiting for #3 to stick and never told him when I was fertile etc, we just did what came naturally!

Hope he can come round to your way of thinking xx

 

[heaveneats]

I have talked to him again and this time I said I need to have a third it's something I have always seen myself doing. And I told him "I need you to think really hard about this because if you ultimately decide no then I don't know how I will go on from there" I didn't mean for it to sound like that but thats what came out. Now he's quite upset with me so we haven't really been speaking. This turned out not the way I wanted it to at all

 

[BSN2MOM]

Honestly I understand if you're sad, but a child is a lot of responsibility. The fact that you just feel like you "need" another one probably isn't enough (this is coming from someone who only wants 2 kids and hasn't had a single one yet so take this advice with a grain of salt).
I am a very, VERY worrisome person. I plan out every expense that I make. I want to be able to live comfortably. This is how I was raised because my parents were not able to do a lot due to financial reasons. Now as an adult I feel it is my responsibility to plan nearly every cent especially with big purchases. To have another child on top of already having two is a huge investment. Perhaps your husband is afraid that in having a third child there will be too much instability financially. I honestly think this is a serious conversation to have with your hubby as there are obvious concerns that you need to be receptive to. As you said now you're arguing over it. Take a look inside yourself and try to understand where he is coming from. Are you both working? Are you aware of your financial stability? Have you and your husband been able to maintain "you" time or is your life overwhelmed due to children? I am sure there are many things on his mind. Some people just DO NOT want many kids. There are ladies on here saying "He'll come around." But don't bet on that. There is a chance that he, like me, just doesn't see the need to have more kids than 2. This is serious stuff. I hope you're able to honestly open up to him and that he can be honest back with you.
Best wishes.

 

[Reiko_ctu]

Sounds like you kind of gave him and ultimatum? Not the best way to approach it IMO! Your littlest is still young... maybe wait another year and bring it up again. But if this was my marriage, I would respect the decision of the man I chose to marry. 2 kids is great, you'll have lots of opportunities for family vacations and sports and things that would be more difficult with more kids. We want 4, but honestly, if dh said today we were done at 2, I'd be ok with that. He is a huge part of the parenting equation too.

 

[heaveneats]

I appreciate the responses. Right now I think what's holding him back is he wants to retire early at age 55 and move south, which I don't want to do, I love my kids and I'd have 4 if he'd let me. He wants to go on trips and I don't I rather stay here where I'm comfortable. He also is the one staying home a lot with the kids which I know is exhausting for him. Right now I'm respecting his decision and he said he will talk more about it with me in February next year.

Right now I've realized there are other things we need to work on and get in line with each other on. We've both compromised on many things.

 

[awnmyown]

One thing I found with my dh is that there's no, and there's not right now. Baby number two is a not right now, but when I don't know. Hubs says he needs to feel ready again, and lo is such a handful right now that he's not ready for more. He can't say when that will change and I know theres a chance one will be enough. But as the other girls say, you gotta balance between you.

 

[Fluffycookie]

I appreciate the responses. Right now I think what's holding him back is he wants to retire early at age 55 and move south, which I don't want to do, I love my kids and I'd have 4 if he'd let me. He wants to go on trips and I don't I rather stay here where I'm comfortable. He also is the one staying home a lot with the kids which I know is exhausting for him. Right now I'm respecting his decision and he said he will talk more about it with me in February next year.

Right now I've realized there are other things we need to work on and get in line with each other on. We've both compromised on many things.

Have you thought about addressing his concerns individually? For example if he is the one staying home with the kids, could you take over more time with them? Could you agree to cut short on some expenses you care about instead of things he worries you won't be able to afford with a third child? It seems like is not opposed to a third child in principle, but to the living conditions that this would bring about. So without knowing the details of your personal circumstances, are there maybe any ways in which you could soften the effect of a third child, and then he could consider a different "life with three children" scenario? Just an idea

 

[josephine3]

Was going to ask can i come to wtt even if i havent convinced the other half yet?! I really want a third too but hes not budging yet. Im holding out hope men do take time to come round slowly to these things. At 30 tho i wish hed hurry up!