if no one will listen, if you decide to speak.

[emmys_james]

Hey everyone,
Dont know if to post this here so sorry if its the wrong place.
i had a miscarriage in july last year. me and oh wasn't exactly trying it just happened and i got a bfp but then lost the baby at 9/10 weeks. we decided after that we really wanted a baby so we decided to ttc and have been trying ever since october last year.

since the m/c life has changed, i can't look at the tv, mags or be around children cos it upsets me and pains me inside that its taking so long and i'm worried i will never be able to get pregnant again, maybe that worry is the reason why i'm not getting preg, i just dont know.
in the last few months i've been having abdominal pain, i went to the docs they checked for infection but i was clear, so now they've sent me off to have a pelvic scan which i'm having this thursday and i'm so so scared of what the results come back with. i just hope if anything its something treatable and the reason why we haven't concieved. i use the CBFM, i'm in my second month of using it. i've been using opks over the last few months, so i know i'm ovulating. My period is normal and though i hate having af and would rather than anything in the world have a bump, i'm fortunute she comes cos some woman on here dont even have that, i've never ever missed a month. ive had my hormone levels checked and there fine. so i have no idea whats happening to me. i kno i should stop stressing and all that blaa blaa blaa but i just cant help it, ive tried to relax but i simply cant, the only thing that keeps me going through all this and i know this sounds stupid but the thought that theres IVF.
I'm having counselling to help me cope (as you can never forget ans get over it) with the emotions and stuff, and its all getting worse before it gets better. i just feel so alone, i really just dont know what to do anymore, i'm 18, as everyone keeps saying i should be fertlie mertile, but i'm not, i'm at my wits end, though people have been trying 3 to 8 years i dont know how they do it. sorry if this doesn't make any sense, i just wanted to get my feelings out.

 

[debgreasby]

 

[MissMaternal]

Sending you lots of hun xx

 

[kanga]

 

[Aerdrie]

Someone gave me some advice recently that is actually helping (nice change from most people who mean well but are just ANNOYING)
She told me to instead of focusing on what I don't have, to consciously appreciate the little things that I can do at the moment that will change, or not be as easy once I'm a mom. While I would trade these things in a second it has made me happier day to day. Spontaneous plans to go out or away, dancing all night, sleeping in, drinking beer with the boys on a Sunday afternoon ....all these things have now become like little "treats", the last naughtiness before I become responsible for another life. I'm trying to have as much fun as I can....I'm totally thrilled about when I finally will get pregnant again but I wont have regrets that I didn't appreciate my "uncomplicated" life while I still had it.

 

[Omi]

I totally agree with Aerdrie's advice. I do the same, tbh. Whenever the mostly pg girls or mum's at work start talking about their kids and their sometimes boring days/ weekends I comfort myself with thinking how im gonna meet hubby in the pub after work on a friday. I can sleep in all weekend. Every eve is my own. I can pop into town, the shops and only think about me, me, me all the time (in a good way ) - and all of that will disappear once i (hopefully) have a baby so instead of thinking of this time as all doom and gloom (which of course sometimes it is!!) i try to make the most of it!

It will happen for you chicken..but i understand the pain and longing and time can be a killer when you want something so bad! Good luck with your apmt.

Omi xxx

 

[Ten]

She told me to instead of focusing on what I don't have, to consciously appreciate the little things that I can do at the moment that will change, or not be as easy once I'm a mom. While I would trade these things in a second it has made me happier day to day. Spontaneous plans to go out or away, dancing all night, sleeping in, drinking beer with the boys on a Sunday afternoon ....all these things have now become like little "treats", the last naughtiness before I become responsible for another life. I'm trying to have as much fun as I can....I'm totally thrilled about when I finally will get pregnant again but I wont have regrets that I didn't appreciate my "uncomplicated" life while I still had it.

I'm doing this, too. When I think "I should get up and do things" - I remind myself that someday soon I'll wish I could roll over and go back to sleep. So I do! Little things like that... then it doesn't feel so much like I'm missing a child so much as anticipating one.