I'm back and confused...

[Amygdala]

Hi girls!

Don't know if you've noticed but I haven't been here for a while as my internet connection has been shit recently. Will hopefully get sorted out soon though.
Exciting stuff has been happening though. DH and me had a long talk about a week ago now and basically decided that never mind 2012, actually next summer would be a good time for us to TTC. And instead of being excited, I'm just majorly confused now. It would mean having the baby - without mat pay - halfway through my PhD and then going back to that part-time when baby is about 6 months. I could work from home and only 20 hrs a week so this would mean a lot of time to spend with LO, compared to having LO when I'm working in a job I need to go back to outside the house. It would also mean no mat pay, but we could cope. Next summer just seems really soon now and I'm thinking we're soooooooooooo young (we're both 28 years old ) and are we really ready (which I know we are really, I'm just worrying I guess). Has anyone gone through the same when bringing TTC forward or deciding on a date? I really feel rather silly cause I know I want this, I believe my DH that he does too, so why am I not more excited?
Sorry for the rant...

 

[plutosblue]

Hi Amy :wave:

Don't worry I know exactly how you feel. OH was bugging me for aaages to agree a date to TTC, now I have given one I feel terribly apprehensive but excited, I am only 21 and OH is 20 but we are a very mature (well maybe not OH...) and stable couple. I will be 22 and OH 21 when I try to TTC so I'm constantly thinking but we are soo young .. I always wanted children in my younger years so I know this is what I want but I can't help getting cold feet!

I was finally settled on something I thought I would be able to make a career out of (I would love to learn Japanese and do something in translation) I was self teaching the language but I threw that onto the backburner, for many reasons, but I have never been career orientated I just like to go with the flow sometimes. I work in travel so we do get mat pay but I would have to go back and try and convince them to have me part time instead of full time etc etc.

Then theres money issues.. I have 2 dogs already so how would they react...
How would I react since I already take meds to control my anxiety disorder and I have to come off them while TTC.

Finally I decided to stop thinking, just go with your gut. You always learn to cope one way or another. Sometimes its best to just go with the flow!

Ok that was a bit of a ramble but hope this helps x

 

[goddess25]

All I can say is there is no right time for having a baby if you think about it too closely. There are always issues to worry about. I was 34 when ttc for first baby and i worried if i was ready too. Making that decision and commitment to having a child is a pretty big deal and i think its normal that your freaking out a little bit.

 

[calliebaby]

Hi Amy :wave:

Don't worry I know exactly how you feel. OH was bugging me for aaages to agree a date to TTC, now I have given one I feel terribly apprehensive but excited, I am only 21 and OH is 20 but we are a very mature (well maybe not OH...) and stable couple. I will be 22 and OH 21 when I try to TTC so I'm constantly thinking but we are soo young .. I always wanted children in my younger years so I know this is what I want but I can't help getting cold feet!

I was finally settled on something I thought I would be able to make a career out of (I would love to learn Japanese and do something in translation) I was self teaching the language but I threw that onto the backburner, for many reasons, but I have never been career orientated I just like to go with the flow sometimes. I work in travel so we do get mat pay but I would have to go back and try and convince them to have me part time instead of full time etc etc.

Then theres money issues.. I have 2 dogs already so how would they react...
How would I react since I already take meds to control my anxiety disorder and I have to come off them while TTC.

Finally I decided to stop thinking, just go with your gut. You always learn to cope one way or another. Sometimes its best to just go with the flow!

Ok that was a bit of a ramble but hope this helps x

My good friend was on anti-depressants before getting pregnant and found that while she was pregnant she did not need the meds. She never felt so good in her life. She currently has a four year old and is no longer needing her meds. Pregnancy can do amazing things.

 

[LadyofRohan]

All I can say is there is no right time for having a baby if you think about it too closely. There are always issues to worry about. I was 34 when ttc for first baby and i worried if i was ready too. Making that decision and commitment to having a child is a pretty big deal and i think its normal that your freaking out a little bit.

I agree! If DH and I waiting for the 'right time' to have a baby we'd probably never have one! He's still mid-way through his PhD program and he wants to wait for a promotion but that could take ages. Early on we agreed to start having children before I turned 30, but thankfully that's been moved up a bit (turn 27 in a few months! )!

 

[fairygirl]

I had to give OH a date. But the closer it got the more excited I felt. I'm 27 and didn't feel mature enough until recently, but I still have my wobbles. Especially when sometimes I feel like I can't even look after myself - normally when the flat is a tip and I haven't got the energy to clean and tidy.

See how you feel nearer the time, afterall plans change xx

 

[Lou]

Hi girls!

Don't know if you've noticed but I haven't been here for a while as my internet connection has been shit recently. Will hopefully get sorted out soon though.
Exciting stuff has been happening though. DH and me had a long talk about a week ago now and basically decided that never mind 2012, actually next summer would be a good time for us to TTC. And instead of being excited, I'm just majorly confused now. It would mean having the baby - without mat pay - halfway through my PhD and then going back to that part-time when baby is about 6 months. I could work from home and only 20 hrs a week so this would mean a lot of time to spend with LO, compared to having LO when I'm working in a job I need to go back to outside the house. It would also mean no mat pay, but we could cope. Next summer just seems really soon now and I'm thinking we're soooooooooooo young (we're both 28 years old ) and are we really ready (which I know we are really, I'm just worrying I guess). Has anyone gone through the same when bringing TTC forward or deciding on a date? I really feel rather silly cause I know I want this, I believe my DH that he does too, so why am I not more excited?
Sorry for the rant...

hey hun!!

Firstly wellcome back, you have been missed!! I think everyone gets cold feets and periods of anxiety when thinking about the future. As Plutoblue said, we are adaptable creatures and learn to cope with the situations thrown at us... saying that, if you get to the summer and decide that its not your right time, there is nothing stopping you from holding it off a few more months.

I really wish you the best of luck with your decisions... just do what you feel is right hun.
xxx

 

[plutosblue]

My good friend was on anti-depressants before getting pregnant and found that while she was pregnant she did not need the meds. She never felt so good in her life. She currently has a four year old and is no longer needing her meds. Pregnancy can do amazing things.

That is very reassuring, my mother said the same thing since pregnancy is supposed to fill you with lots of happy hormones (I can pray and hope)

Maybe I will be lucky too! Many thanks for putting my mind at ease. x

 

[Amygdala]

Thanks everyone for your reassuring words! I do think we're ready, I think it's just the enormity of the decision kicking in now. I really hope that by the summer I'll be just excited though. Maybe a good thing to get the worrying out of the way first...

 

[kintenda]

Welcome back! Congratulations on bringing the date forward, it's perfectly normal to feel apprehensive. As the others have said I think we all (and I'm majorly guilty of this) want everything to be just right, and sometimes there's never gonna be a 'good' time as there's always something else that comes along!
xxx

 

[amyclaire]

ah congratulations hun!
had actually wondered where you've been!
i think i'll be earlier than our "no later than" 2012 plan but oh wont set a specific date.
yay for you though!
xxxxx