I'm beginning to resent my husband

[Vesta]

The only reason we're WTT instead of TTC is my husband saying he isn't ready. He's picked some random date (December 09) that he says he'll be ready by. There's no reason to wait. We're married, have a house and mortgage and are both in full time employment. I'm really beginning to resent being forced to wait just because he's decided to wait another 7 months. What's the point? Nothing is going to change in 7 months. Everything my husband does now annoys me. Has anyone been through this? Any suggestions on what to do about it?

 

[kyrabeth]

I know EXACTLY how you feel. Its really irritating, just keep trying to talk to him. I know money is a big worry for my OH which is why he wants to put it off.

You'll get there

 

[luckyme225]

I think it takes guys longer to come around to the idea of having a baby because they think they will no longer be able to go out with friends spur of the moment and that they will always be stuck at home. I don't think guys truly get excited about having a baby until the baby is born. I wouldn't say my husband was exactly excited to be having a baby, he was happy, but I know he was anxious about how his life would change. Once we had our son he was on cloud nine and I've never seen him look as happy and proud as he is now that we have our baby. I would just sit down and talk to your husband about what his concerns are whether its money or worrying he wont have a life anymore. We still go out on dates once or twice a month and we still get to see our friends. I hope your husband comes around soon to the idea of having a baby

 

[Dimbo]

I can relate, and I'm sure loads of woman on here are in the same boat. I have been in this situation in the past. We had arranged a date, but he always seemed to be a little quiet on the subject, and then it turned out it was too soon for him and he wasn't ready. He then set the date of December this year (decided on this date last July, so it was a looong way off at this time) However, for him, he wanted to be 30 (or very close) before having a baby. As much as I wanted to be 25 or less when we had our first, this didn't suit him and so I had to wait.

Is there a reason why he could be waiting until December? Does he have a big birthday next year? Maybe he has always thought 'I want kids at x age' and now it is that age. Maybe he wants to complete something before trying, maybe a goal at work, or a social event? Maybe he just wants some time with you as husband and wife before bringing a LO into your family?

I think it is probably best to sit down and have a heart to heart. I know this can be difficult, my DH doesn't respond well to trying to talk about something he doesn't want to discuss, but I think it is worth a try.

Good luck hope it all goes well.

 

[bunnyg82]

I can understand your frustration, but at the same time, it seems as though your husband is giving himself time to get used to the thought of having a baby. I think us women have that urge to have a baby and once we get it, there's no stopping us, but you have to understand that your hubby wouldn't have had that same urge. December isn't that long really, he obviously wants to have a baby with you, but I think perhaps he just needs that time.
I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I think sometimes our poor men do get the brunt of our emotions, it's such an instant thing for us, but they need time to adjust!! Hopefully we can keep your mind busy in here and you can get your body in as healthy a possible place before you get started xx

 

[kintenda]

Oh gosh, darling, I understand! The replies that you've had so far have been pretty much what I would advise, too. The OH was a bit stunned when I let rip how much I wanted to have LO with him. The main reasons we have set a date is to save money & get our last hol out of the way etc, but he needed time to get his head around the idea because I said that I wouldn't want to start TTC & then stop if he changed his mind. Now, six months after the first convo, he's happy as Larry. I can completely understand your frustration but try (although hard!!) to think of the positives - you can save money, enjoy being a bit selfish with your time etc.
Mucho hugs to you!
x

 

[sarah1989]

You should sit down and talk to him, let him know how you feel. Maybe he just isnt ready to be a father yet, and just needs some time to get used to the idea. Give him some time!! When the time is right, it will happen!

 

[bubbles]

Completely understand hun. After a year of being with my DH (wasn't married at the time) I fell pregnant and although scared got quite excited as did DH (alot of s*** happened in between) unfortunately I lost the baby and wanted to start trying again straight away but he decided he wanted to wait til we were married. He proposed the same year and I wanted to get married the following year and then start trying he had other ideas, he wanted to get married 2years later saying we needed to save for the wedding which after alot of thought was fine and we agreed we would start trying on honeymoon. 4weeks before the wedding he decided he wasn't ready and I had to wait til he was (very angry) I had told my family and friends we were gonna start trying on honeymoon. Anyway we started trying 6months later but only after I bugged him non stop at my brothers wedding when there were loads of babies about and even got my mum and sister in on it. He finally agreed that night. Might not be the best way for you hun but thought I'd share my story. Sit down and talk to him he could just need a bit of time to get used to the idea. Good luck X

 

[lozzy21]

I am in the same situation but my oh has deceded we have to wait 2 years so think your self lucky you only have to wait untill december, We are the same nothing is going to change for us in the next to years apart from my sanity.

 

[Lazy Leo]

Hi, i went through the same with my hubby (we've been married 7 years and together for 12). I started to talk about kids in 2002 but he wasn't ready. First it was monetary and then it was about him being able to support me as a SAHM which deep down was what I wanted. It was late 2007 before he finally agreed that i shouldn't bother going back for my next pack of the pill.

What got me through those times was when I asked myself, did I want a baby or did I want a baby with him? Because if you force a baby upon a man who is not ready there is a good chance you'll end up as a single mum.

Ultimately I'm glad I found the patience somewhere as we are absolutely both ready for this. He felt the same pain I did every month with the BFN's and he felt the pain when I miscarried, because he wanted it as much as I did. Now we are experiencing the fun stuff together too.

I hope you find your compromise and can be happy with it

 

[Chaos]

I was in the same situation. I wanted a baby and my husband wanted to wait. I finally got my way in December 08 haha. I waited 18 months.

I will say this tho and you prolly aint gonna like it, but its things *I* had to face too when we were WTC, and had to face up to the fact its better to be pregnant when we *both* are ready.

You say you are resenting him because he wants to wait. Put the shoe on the other foot for a minute. *Why* isn't he ready? Has he given you a reason other than that vauge one?

You say you resent him for "forcing" you to wait another 7 months, don't you think he could end up resenting you if you force him in to it before he's ready? If you are starting to resent him and everything he does annoys you, is it the best time to be trying for a baby?

There are so many horrid story's of men on here having a total meltdown and leaving because they aint ready, I'd hate to see that happen to you.

Sorry you're feeling crappy about all this.

 

[Chaos]

I think us women have that urge to have a baby and once we get it, there's no stopping us, but you have to understand that your hubby wouldn't have had that same urge.

Oh this was me, my ovaries and womb where screaming at me day and night and I was so broody I couldn't take it!

 

[djgirl1976]

I think us women have that urge to have a baby and once we get it, there's no stopping us, but you have to understand that your hubby wouldn't have had that same urge.

Oh this was me, my ovaries and womb where screaming at me day and night and I was so broody I couldn't take it!

My gawd so true. It (my body)really started screaming at me in December, and don't you know that in Jan, it happened. We hadn't been "careful" since we were married in June, but once I was as "on board" as he was, BAM. I must've started "putting out" more!

 

[jenny873]

my OH said december 09, then september 09, then july 09, im like its july in 2 months why wait! i mean for all we know i could come off my implant and it could take ages! x

 

[Sovereign]

My OH said he doesn't want anymore (he didn't want any really but we had a 'happy accident!') and I am so broody!!! He says we won't be able to cope but I don't see why we shouldn't, everyone else does!

 

[kate.m.]

You say you are resenting him because he wants to wait. Put the shoe on the other foot for a minute. *Why* isn't he ready? Has he given you a reason other than that vauge one?

You say you resent him for "forcing" you to wait another 7 months, don't you think he could end up resenting you if you force him in to it before he's ready?

There are so many horrid story's of men on here having a total meltdown and leaving because they aint ready, I'd hate to see that happen to you.

This is exactly what i keep arguing with myself about! Part of me is screaming (inside) that i want kids now- no matter what! And the other part is saying "dont be ridiculous- you want them when ur both ready".

So, seeing as nobody wants to force their fella into having kids until they're ready, i suppose the next question is: How do we force them into being ready!! That would b ok right? lol!

 

[Vesta]

I really appreciate all your comments. You ladies are fantastic!

To address a few specific questions/comments.

Dimbo - He's 25 next year. I've tried to engage him in a serious conversation about it but he either changes the subject or pretends not to hear me. So i've no clear idea why December 09 is okay but before is not.

Lazy Leo - I'm sure that if I put my mind to it, I could get my husband to agree to TTC. But I don't just want him to agree to it. I want him to want to have a baby. I agree with you, force a baby on a man who isn't ready and there's a very real chance you'll be bringing up the baby alone.

Chaos - He won't give me any reason more specific then he isn't ready yet. I agree with you that he'd resent me if I tried to force him into it. That's why I'm asking for advice on dealing with my feelings, rather then trying to force him to agree to TTC. He's only starting to annoy me so much because I'm so broody. Apart from that our relationship is perfect.