Im bitter, i need to "get over it" and i'm ruining our relationship...

[buffy]

Hi honey,
I totally understand how you feel. My other half doesn't get it either. It's been 6 months now since my operation (ectopic - left tube and little bean removed at 8 weeks) and I still have random times of feeling really down about it and needing a good cry. It's especially hard when I hear about close friends becoming pregnant as I have major feelings of jealousy and bitterness also! In the first couple of weeks after we lost the baby he was really supportive and gave me lots of cuddles but beyond that I just encountered what seemed to be a complete lack of understanding from him and he started spouting things like "it's time to pull yourself together and move on!" and "stop dwelling on what wasn't meant to be" to, more recently "stop being such a jealous cow, it's not nice!" I think it's just something that men will unfortunately never understand! I am always thankful for this forum as it's a relief to find that there are so many of us feeling the same frustrations! Its' great to come on here and let off steam to people that really do understand!! xx

 

[JASMAK]

I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like your husband just wasn't as connected to this baby as much as you were and he truly doesn't get it. I think that is very normal for a man as they aren't as involved as mom's. I don't want to say don't go to your husband for support, but, perhaps finding someone who is more supportive is what YOU need. I think that your husband is wanting off the hook so to speak because he is probably not understanding you feelings. I wouldn't say that he doesn't care, but he has delt with it and it is over. I am only going by personal experiece here, and I have never met your SO, but I got a similar speech once and since I have decided to find my main supports elsewhere, things have been alot smoother.

 

[mama2connor]

Hun, i feel the exact same way. I know so many people who are due around the same time i was due to have my twins and i can't bring myself to see, or even speak to them. I am feeling very bitter at the moment. I can't help but think i should have still been pregnant, i should still have my babies inside of me safe. It's only been a week since we found out our babies had died, and not even a week since i had to give birth to them and i'm still absoloutley heartbroken. I don't think men understand how painful it is for a woman loosing a child as they don't get as attached so early on, or understand what it's like to have to go through a miscarriage. Men deal with greif in their own little way, and to be honest most probablys don't feel the hurt, and the anger we feel. I just hope your hubby can be there for you, and support you a little more. What your going through is awful, and i'm lucky in the sense that my OH has been supportive of me loosing our babies, yet i still want to give him a shake at times and say why don't you seem upset that we have lost our babies. If you ever need anyone to talk to, i am here for you if you need it. xxx

 

[moomoo]

Thanks for all of your help girls...i went to the doctors last week and they have referred me for counselling (although she said to me that i will probably be pregnant before the appointment comes up) I sometimes wonder what goes through some doctors head sometimes...she was telling me i need to move on to be able to heal...she's obvoiusly never lost a baby as many have already said, you never ever move one xxx