Im getting to the point where I dread seeing my niece!!!

[susan_1981]

I'm getting so frustrated by this. My niece (she's my brother-in-law's daughter) is 8 and the first time I saw her after I'd miscarried, the first thing she said to me was "You had a baby in your tummy and it died!". Then as I was leaving, she said "Your baby died". She seems to always say this to me when I'm on my own and no one else is around so I just said to her "Yeah, alright, I don't think you need to remind me!". Then I thought surely she would realise that she shouldn't be saying that because of my reaction. I remember being 8 myself and saying things I shouldn't and I wouldn't say them again because of the reaction I'd get. So I thought that was that, until I saw her again today. First thing she says to me is "Your baby died" and she says it in a way almost as if she thinks it's funny. I know she's young nad probably doesn't understand properly but I said "Alright Holly, I do know, it did happen to me you know. Stop going on about it!" - again, no one was around. I've told my husband and he said that I should just tell her not to say it but I really don't feel it's my place to tell her off. Realistically, she is his niece, not mine.

It's a good job I'm not really emotional about it as it could really set me off but I just really feel like she should know that she shouldn't say it. My sister's daughter is 6 and she knows I miscarried but never says anything.

Sorry, just wanted to rant. It's really getting on my nerves. I know she's only 8 but I just can't help but really dislike her!

 

[babytots]

aww hunni its understandable and i agree that its not your place to tell her she shouldnt say that and perhaps your dh could have a word with his brother.

i think kids at that age dont undestand death properly or understand feelings properly. i'm glad its not upsetting you too much hun i know if one of my family members turned round and said that it would deeply upset me. x

 

[lynda1974]

kids cant be quite brutal with the truth hun xx its hard

the other thing is it also depends how the miscarriage has been spoken to her about

Not meaning to be rude against your husbands family member they may not have been very subtle with the facts of what happened to you when they explained things to her or with what she might have heard them saying

 

[susan_1981]

I have been wondering that myself, seeing as the first time I saw my mother in law after my miscarriage she didn't even ask how I was, which I did feel a bit put out by. My husband said it was because he said not to talk about it but I thought even so, she could have still asked how I was. That doesn't take much. My father in law (he's divorced from my MIL) doesn't do emotions but even he asked how I was.

I think if she says it again, I'm going to have to tell her not to say it again because it's not nice and I actually feel a little bit embarrassed by it as my brother in law has a new girlfriend and if she hears her say it, I'm sure she'd feel awkward.

 

[AP]

I think OH should be having words with his brother - at 8 year old they are old enough to know better - once they have been told and understand what they are doing! My sister is 5 and I'm sure a chat with her to make her understand would stop her doing somethinmg, so it shouldnt be too hard with an 8 yr old.

xxxxxxx

 

[todteach]

Sometimes kids can be just plain cruel. I'm so sorry that she's doing this to you hun, she's definetly seeking attention with her comments. The way that she's saying it, implies that she is intending to be hurtful. That is uncalled for. At eight years old, she is old enough to understand that you don't say those things to people. I would also advise a talk with her father. And for the mean time................avoid them at all costs. Sending you big

 

[rachjim98]

I'm so sorry that you are having to put up with this and no one has put a stop to it from happening

I just couldn't imagine my niece being that cruel to me or saying that more then 1 time. I can understand her saying the first time she seen you, but to continue and how you say she is doing it. Almost makes me think it is intentional. I hate to say this but that just shows you how she is raised and how little her mother or father have instilled failures into her.

If she was my Daughter and I was told she did that she would loss privileges and writing you a nice apology letter!
I have a 9 yr old daughter and she knows so much better then that. She has learned from me, if you do not have any thing nice to say then you keep your trap shut!!

Again I am sorry and I would definitely let my DH say something to his brother about this issue! Big for you

 

[Schmelly]

Have you tried telling her how sad it makes you feel when she says it? Adults often don't understand the pain we feel at the loss of a pregnancy so it must be even harder for kids. At 8 years old she is old enough to understand that it is wrong to say certain things and if she knew she was really hurting you then hopefully she would stop.....?

 

[roc]

you poor thing, i'm a childcare worker, and know many 8 year olds, she really should understand perfectly that it is a hurtful thing to say regardless, also when i was just gone 8, my mums best friend had a m/c, i remember it really well, and understood fully what was going on, and that it was a very sad and hurtful time for her, even without being told much, your dh should really talk to his brother, as as it would put you in an awkward position, it's almost a discipline issue i think?

i'm sorry for your loss, and i don't think you should have to be put through this