I'm just so frustrated and upset

[annanouska]

There is no point to this post at all but I need to rant as I'm sat here I. Tears!

I'm just fed up, I work two long days then the rest is just appointments therapy etc etc. I have nobody to watch him husband is working extra OT so I'm not even getting back up. I'm tired I can't deal with the constant screaming not knowing what he wants the meltdowns the hitting the biting the punching.

So far we know he has epilepsy and language disorder, he gets monitored for ASD but has great eye contact and vaguely sociable with family so lading back on that. His meltdowns and violence are hard tomdealmwith but nobody caress nobody can tell me why I'm starting to think people just think im a bad mum as they haven't diagnosed him with anything yet that causes them, or why I can't move the line of cars even a bit so I can sit down without an hour long meltdown.

Just really feel fed up of it all! I can't change my son, I love him dearly but wish I could understand mor why he is doing these weird things x

 

[PresqueVu]

I hope you can get some more support soon hun.

And sod what anyone else thinks about your parenting, they don't have a clue - and aren't worth worrying about.

 

[sequeena]

I'm in the same situation as you but I don't work. It is so very hard

You're not a bad mum and I bet no one else thinks that either. Chin up xxxx

 

[lusterleaf]

I am so sorry. I know how that must feel when people think you are a bad parent. My son was diagnosed ASD and he is non verbal (He's 2). He does have great eye contact and smiles/is affectionate at times. So he was diagnosed on the low end of the spectrum. However, I can't even take him to the grocery store by myself because he will throw a screaming tantrum, will climb out of the cart and try to run all over the store. People will stare at me like I am a bad mom. It hurts. I just want you to know that I understand what you are going through!

 

[mummy2o]

About 10% on the spectrum do have good eye contact. As for being social with the family, my son covers that 100%. He has meltdowns if you ignoring him or can't play with him. He's starting to be more social at school to. So just because you son is good in these areas doesn't mean he's not on the spectrum. Daily fights with who ever you need to get him some help is the best way. They'll be so sick of you ringing that they will see him. As for the reason you can't move his cars as they go there and look wrong if you move them. However, could you ask him to move them to his bedroom or somewhere you wouldn't mind not moving them. My son loved stacking towers when he was a toddler, he'd have a fit if you knocked one down and he'd go and rebuild it. Do you have any issues with routines at all or is it just the cars?

 

[annanouska]

Thanks everyone. I feel a bit better now tho I shouted at so,embody in Asda as they muttered just give him a smack he hates the bright lights and being confined to the trolly so was moaning.

He has issues with routines we follow certain rituals for him tho we are slightly better at home but unfamiliar things he has to do his little things to feel able to cope.

He doesn't really understand putting them in his room yet tho what he does have in there has a set place!

We are lucky he is getting a lot of input and support but they are keen to not label him just yet as he has other issues so want to check how they go. S,e times I'm just tired of fighting.

It's so great u r all here to understand xxxx

 

[mummy2o]

I'd set up visual aids for everything you do around the house. I know this sounds silly as he probably can already knows things like the morning routine, bathtime, bedtime etc but it really does make the not so normal things less stressful and even can make them quicker.

I have a story of a 19 year old on the spectrum and he had a meltdown one day as he didn't know when he had to go to the gym, see his girlfriend, go to work or even have his own time. So he sat down with his girlfriend and his mum and they made him a timetable just so he could see it visually and then he knew when he was doing what and it made life in his household and his girlfriends lives better. And this is a grown man still needing the visuals, so they do work.

My son had tons when he was younger, but now not so much. We do write what he's doing on his blackboard daily like breakfast, computer, dressed, school etc but we no longer need the ones on which order his clothes go on or what we need to put on before we go out. So its really trial and error to find which ones work for you.

 

[RachA]

Special needs or not this is a hard thing to deal with. I find that Esther is easier to deal with generally than my son was and he didn't have the back up of being special needs to fall back on (if you know what i mean).

First of all i'd say ignore people who look as if they are judging etc. You do not owe them an explanation. I have friends that i will explain why Esther is kicking off etc as they understand - however i was at a party with her a few weeks ago and it just got too much for her. Another mum had her son on her knee and said something about 'oh is Esther really tired too - H is'. Esther wasn't tired in the least but i just couldn't be bothered to explain to her what the issue was - at the end of the day i didn't have to.

Not having a diagnosis is hard but to be honest even when you have one it doesn't always help when they are having a meltdown.


You will get there eventually. My son drove me demented for 3years but looking back now i'm not entirely sure why.