Insensitive comments still hurt!

[katy1310]

Over 3 years down the line and insensitive comments still get to me

Tonight, I was playing in a concert, and my mum took Sophie along to watch it. At the interval we were speaking to someone who my parents know, and she was asking how old Sophie was and my mum said she was 3 in March but she shouldn't be 3 till June because she was born at 27 weeks. The woman said "Oh but how wonderful only to be pregnant for so short a time"!!!!!!

I seriously couldn't believe what I was hearing - and this woman is a mother herself.

I'm sure the later stages of pregnancy are very uncomfortable, but I'd have given anything to have got through the full pregnancy, however uncomfortable it was for me, and not have to watch my tiny baby fighting like that with all those needles and wires and tubes

I'd also give anything to be able to have a fullterm pregnancy and actually carry a baby for 40 weeks or as close to that as possible!

What on earth makes people think it's ok to say things like that?
xx

 

[JillMc]

I get those kinda comments too from my mother. not the exact same as you because my girls were both overdue. I have worked at the family business for the last 13 years. I was full time and my mother was part time. After dd1 was born i was still on maternity when i got pregnant with dd2. my mother was pissed off because she was already working full time. i offered to go back to work til next baby was due but she said she could handle it. but as the weeks wwnt on she would make snide comments when other people where around like" i am so tired nd would lov some time to myslef like jill gets." or "no i cant have a vacation this year because someone had ro go and get pregnant again." Now my mother has known for years that all i ever wanted was to be a sath and that is why me and dh waitined ten years to have kids. but now the comments and guilt have finally gotten to be too much and i am going back to work part time in four weeks time. And she isnt even offering to watch the girls for me on those days (we live next door to my parents) so i will be spending my entire pay for child care which was the main reason we waited to have kids and me beinga sahm.

 

[JillMc]

Sorry just realized i was in this forum. thought i was in postnatal support

 

[AP]

You'd think in this day of age, people would have more knowledge, but na.

Sorry she upset you hun. Don't be afraid to bite back, they clearly aren't afraid to offend you xxx

 

[25weeker]

I would probably have come out with a really sarcastic comment to the stupid woman. Don't let it upset it you as stupid people aren't worth wasting their time over

 

[rbourre]

We were out for dinner and the waitress asked how old my daughter was. When I told her she told me I was lucky because I got to enjoy the baby stage longer.

It really bothers me when people make comments. I try to ignore it, but sometimes it is hard. I would love to have carried my daughter for 10 more weeks and had a full term healthy baby. I would love to be big and pregnant and uncomfortable.

 

[misspriss]

Mine is still really little but people still make comments like that. How I "didn't have to be pregnant for too long..."

I hate it when people say (about LO) "Oh you just wanted to come out and see us early!" I am like, no you effers, he had to come out because my body was failing (pre-eclampsia). He was perfectly content to be a full term baby! I don't know why that bothers me so much, but it does.

I'm still at the stage where I am struggling to come to terms with everything that happened, and I am wondering if I will ever get past it.

 

[katy1310]

Mine is still really little but people still make comments like that. How I "didn't have to be pregnant for too long..."

I hate it when people say (about LO) "Oh you just wanted to come out and see us early!" I am like, no you effers, he had to come out because my body was failing (pre-eclampsia). He was perfectly content to be a full term baby! I don't know why that bothers me so much, but it does.

I'm still at the stage where I am struggling to come to terms with everything that happened, and I am wondering if I will ever get past it.

Oh yes, I get that one sometimes as well, about Sophie wanting to come out and see us early - I hate that one I had pre-eclampsia too and still somehow blame myself for my body failing her.

How is your LO doing? I remember seeing you writing when he was first born x

 

[misspriss]

Mine is still really little but people still make comments like that. How I "didn't have to be pregnant for too long..."

I hate it when people say (about LO) "Oh you just wanted to come out and see us early!" I am like, no you effers, he had to come out because my body was failing (pre-eclampsia). He was perfectly content to be a full term baby! I don't know why that bothers me so much, but it does.

I'm still at the stage where I am struggling to come to terms with everything that happened, and I am wondering if I will ever get past it.

Oh yes, I get that one sometimes as well, about Sophie wanting to come out and see us early - I hate that one I had pre-eclampsia too and still somehow blame myself for my body failing her.

How is your LO doing? I remember seeing you writing when he was first born x

Yep. Everytime someone says that almost I say something along the lines of "No, actually, there was nothing wrong with him, he would have stayed the whole time. I had blood pressure problems" or something like that. I guess my guilt makes me feel the need to take the blame and not let people blame my perfect little baby.

He is doing excellent. He is gaining weight like crazy, he has recently double his birth weight (although you can say he cheated, it was a pretty low number to double...) He moved up to size 1 diapers, size 0-3 month clothes, he's passed *my* birth weight (I was a chunk!), he's spending a little more time awake and alert, he has been smiling at us and cooing occasionally, he makes eye contact and follows things around. He is just doing excellently, thanks for asking!!

 

[AdriansMama]

I get comments because of his size "wow really?!?! Youre so tiny its a good thing you didnt go full term he would have been huge! " ... it always makes me angry ... I got off lucky because he was healthy but his size only affected how well he regulated his temperature not his organs or anything else ... if he had have had a more dificult time it would make me even more amgry ... I dont know why I went into labour bit they couldnt stop it and i would have been happy to have a healthy full term 11 pounder instead of an 8 lbs 35 weeker

 

[Havmercy]

I still get stupid comments like that and our son is one year now, (10 months adjusted). I've had a relative to say I lost most of my pregnancy weight because I didn't go full term that I was lucky to have missed out on all the misery she had when she was pregnant. I enjoyed my pregnancy. I loved being pregnant. Our son is a wonderful, smiling, happy baby. We had an uneventful NICU stay of 6 weeks. The same idiot relative had the nerve to say we had it good when our son finally came home because the nurses in the NICU helped us with his feeding schedule. I wanted to ring that chicks neck. A lady at church said, "look at this one year old compared to that one year old" She was comparing our son to a little girl born full term who was 15 months old. I've found that people are going to continue to make dumb comments because they don't know nor understand what it means to have a preemie.

 

[rbourre]

I hate it when people say (about LO) "Oh you just wanted to come out and see us early!" I am like, no you effers, he had to come out because my body was failing (pre-eclampsia). He was perfectly content to be a full term baby! I don't know why that bothers me so much, but it does.

Oh, I hate that too. "She was done baking" no obviously not, she was only 2lbs 2oz. I also really hate when people ask if I know why she came early. She didn't "come" early, she was born early due to pre-eclampsia and placental abruption.

 

[vermeil]

I remember someone telling me at the grocery store 'oh you`re so lucky your pregnancy was brief!' I replied casually 'yeah, so glad I missed those last 3 months, and all my son has is brain damage, paralysis on one side and partial blindness! Was SO worth it!'

aaaah... the look on her face... I discovered that day I have a mean streak

 

[Foxybabyhg3]

I've not had my baby yet, but my goal is to get to 32 weeks. A friend of mine is pregnant with her 3rd due a few days behind me. I was telling her the about the issues I am having and that I'll be delivering at 32 weeks or earlier if things deteriorate, and she actually said "Oh, how exciting you get to meet her sooner" Ummm, no, I really would really much rather meet her later when she's supposed to come, not 8 weeks early....

 

[AP]

I remember someone telling me at the grocery store 'oh you`re so lucky your pregnancy was brief!' I replied casually 'yeah, so glad I missed those last 3 months, and all my son has is brain damage, paralysis on one side and partial blindness! Was SO worth it!'

aaaah... the look on her face... I discovered that day I have a mean streak

Good on ya chick

 

[labmommy]

We just had Our survivor's one yr party.(adjusted one yr will be August) some family came that had never met him before and just stared at him in awe. Their comments were saying repeatedly that he looks good. Like in a surprised tone. I felt as if they were shocked he didn't have three heads and a tail. Did they think we were using a stunt double for the pics they have seen on FB?!
Then, my FIL, bless his heart... He really does love the baby. Each time he has a few in him goes on and on about how he isn't even supposed to be born yet...what a fighter this kid is to choose to live...
Um...he is 12 months actual.... And thanks for making me feel more crummy than I already do for not being able to keep his brothers placenta from abrupting and...the side comment about choosing to live...as if his brother didn't fight on for thirty days.... Argh

 

[labmommy]

I remember someone telling me at the grocery store 'oh you`re so lucky your pregnancy was brief!' I replied casually 'yeah, so glad I missed those last 3 months, and all my son has is brain damage, paralysis on one side and partial blindness! Was SO worth it!'

aaaah... the look on her face... I discovered that day I have a mean streak

Rock on! Allow me to add to that for those who commented to me about how I was lucky to not have to reach full term with twins and all the baby weight. Um...hello I gained fifty lbs from being on bedrest and shoving over 100g protein down my throat to try to get my sweet iugr previa baby to gain something, to pray some piece or calorie went into that placenta to him. I would gladly have continued for the next 11 weeks and gained 100 rather than put them through surgeries, sedation s, pricks every three hrs, a line in my baby's head, now PT, OT, MRI, echo, hypertonia, cld, bpd, anemia, etc. the additional time and weight could have sent me home with both my babies, lady!
the nicu must breed us strong advocates, because I have qualms about saying this to anyone that tries to lighten the situation.