hastbury
Mam to a Welsh Wolfcub x
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I'm sitting here watching my two boys, OH and Ioan, sleep quietly and thought I would write this to go over it myself as much as anything else.
As some of you know I became an excited homebirth hopeful at 34 weeks - due date came and went, as did two failed sweeps at 40 + 4 and 41wks. MW at latter appointment was really positive and said she thought I would start on my own...
PART 1 - HOME
That night/morning (21 July, 00:15) my waters broke just as I was drifting off to sleep - rather than talking about the drag of being overdue me and OH had decided to talk about our baby boy and how much we love him - I'm sure that kickstarted it! I excitedly got back out of bed and saw my plug going too - this is it, I thought. after calming down I got on my birthing ball and waited for something to happen - I didn't have to wait long, contractions started around 15 mins after the waters.
Looking at the timing OH noted, I was having contractions every 3-5 minutes from the off - we had practised hypnobirthing but it was quite manageable at this point - at 40 mins in I put on my TENS.
We called and the first of several MW's came out - she was impressed with the strength of my contractions vs my coping and even hinted that she'd seen this in hypnobirthers before where she's examined and there's the head! Of course that made me keen to have one, so speculum out. I was only 1-2 cm! not to worry I thought, plenty of time.
We next got a MW out at about 6AM - I felt like i was having 3-4 in 10 mins and she arrived, looked at me and recommended OH started filling the pool. How Exciting! She felt some contractions, they became a bit more erratic but she said I was clearly in labour and any examination is 'academic' at this point and I should just get the pool up. She also commented on how well me and OH were doing working through the contractions.
Just before the pool was ready, she suggested she examine me 'just to see how quickly another MW might need to be here'...I was STILL 1-2 CM!. Dashed, I wasn't going in the pool and she eventually left.
We tried to get some rest and I really focussed on trying to numb the contractions so I could do so - it seemed to work.
3rd midwife of the day came around 11 AM, same story - contractions getting stronger, still 1-2cm by speculum. I rested again, thought I was numbing out contractions but in fact I think they were just stopping. Same MW came back around 3.30 PM - 15 hours on the labour clock now - same story contraction and dilation wise. She made sure I was booked for induction the following morning (which was chilling me, but too exhausted to be emotional, if that makes sense) and left.
the next 12 hours are a blurry cycle of contractions stopping, starting, trying to lie down to rest, feeling very scared when doing so getting back up and wearing myself out by pacing up and down - all done with Tens only.
3AM and I had a 4th MW out - as it happens all the HB midwives were busy so this one came from the hospital - I told OH to tell them I was getting back to back contractions and now finding it hard to cope. I started to shake and MW saw this as a good sign that maybe things had moved on and that she would be happy for me to see through the birth at home if I was far on enough, even though my waters had broke 26 hours prior. At this point I can remember thinking that just maybe I was going to snatch my homebirth back from the hands of induction!
She examined me. 1-2 cm. She also said baby had slipped slightly posterior, which was making the contraction 'couple' and 'triple' together.
She said she would be happy to try and facilitate me coming in as much as possible to have aspects of the homebirth incorporated - I quietly let her know that OH has Asperger's Syndrome, and lighting would be key. She understood, I think.
She said to take our time but thats hard to hear when 29 hours of labour had already passed - we got in a taxi at 5AM.
PART 2 - HOSPITAL
We arrived, tens still going. Bit of confusion at Triage but eventually got going on monitor - baby fine, contractions down to 1 in 10 mins. Consultant came by and recommended a 'tickle of the drip' rather than pessaries etc because infection risk now high. A room was sorted, and MW who saw me at home wheeled in a big recliner chair for OH, who had taken to sleeping with his head on rucksack at end of my bed. Shift change and our MW for the next 12 hours arrived.
She talked through pain relief and my instinct was to go for the epidural from the outset - my homebirth was so far removed now and I knew neither I nor OH had the strength to lead through the strong contractions the drip may bring on. That was all set up. I did manage to drift off at points - OH popped back home at one point and cleared away the pool etc - he said later he knew it would devastate me to see it all set up. Love him for that.
I was on the drip from 11AM, topping up epi occasionally (mobile).
The timings become a bit hazy at this point, but counting back, it must have been around 5PM that MW checked it was OK to examine just to see what was going on as contractions were v strong and regular. I was 9cm!!!
She was gobsmacked and went to tell the docs, I was now starting to feel excited again, as much as you can with all the tubes etc ( they had found blood work to show signs of infection at this point so I had fluids, syntocinon and antibiotics going by now) and MW said it was hopeful I could start pushing in an hour if all went well. She said she was now optimistic that we might meet baby before the end of her shift at 8PM.
An hour later I started pushing. It started well (I did lots of perineal/pelvic floor work) but then baby wasn't.
Docs starting flying in and out and checking heartbeat - he wasn't doing well with pushing it seemed. Then things really started to slide as before I knew it my MW was at the end of her shift, and an interim had been brought in while the next MW was briefed, and she was awful, putting me in stirrups to push, which made me feel exposed and uncertain of my body (it also caused me to sorry TMI - unceremoniously open my bowels to the world, just as this MW was putting all those horrible lights on that had been kept off for OH's sake. Despite clearly being in distress, OH proceeded to take the birthing partner role on again giving water and egging me on. He's me hero.
that bloody interim MW even said 'push this baby out or I'll tickle your feet' when I was clearly in distress.
The shift MW finally joined us and I remembered her from my Anti D appt - she had a lovely student with her too, and I remember at this point the thought popping into my head that I had always hope a student would be present at baby's birth, except I'd imagined them on my sofa whilst I gave birth in my pool.
They were great, trying their very best to minimise doctor presence, but this was becoming harder, and they were keen to intervene. Baby's head was only at spines level, and they could see swelling - it then became a bit of a battle between me and the docs as I saw it as personal that they weren't giving me a chance to keep trying - they also wouldn't let me change position - I was sitting right on my sacrum for f***'s sake!. OH was getting concerned by what they were sating about baby so I switched gear and tried to focus on at least a vaginal birth, even if assisted. They said they could take blood from baby's head if I could push for long enough to get at it to see if they could give me anymore time to push, reminding me that on top of baby being in distress he was also back to back (duh, I'd been on my back since 8AM, what did you expect?) OH stepped and said go for it without delay, they did, and baby had good levels ( much to their amazement) so I continued pushing whilst they put in motion for forceps.
At some point between 8-9PM I really, really felt like his head had moved in some way, like it was going to fall out. I begged whoever it was going past me to examine me - it was a doc, she muttered something about needing to save babies lives elsewhere but she'll do it. No change, but what she did say put everything in another motion.
Babies head was clearly too large to get through, no matter how hard me or the forceps tried.
So now I was quickly taken out of the stirrups, onto my side, told to stop pushing, meds in, signing papers. Abrief few minutes of quiet. The epi had now worn off and they wouldnt give any more as anaesthetist was about to come in and set up something much stronger, so there I lay, 45 1/2 hours into labour, feeling the full force of contractions on full dilation, but being told not to act upon them, but pant. I used the equivalent yoga breath instead, and OH somehow found the strength to take me through them with hypno, even though he was terrified. As I say, my hero.
I was taken to theatre, and at 9.41PM, Ioan-Luc Wolfe came into the world.
He wasn't breathing, and was spirited away very quickly, took first breath shortly after.
The anaesthetist proclaimed 'big boy!' when I assume he was lifted out. The necessary 'keep talking' tac whilst they were resuscitating and suctioning him was taken up by all the team playing guess the weight and saying it was amazing I'd moved him at all (i guess at this point they were looking at my pelvis laid out on the table?). I finally heard a cry
4.3kg, or 9lbs 7oz in old money. No-one, NO-ONE had spotted even a slight anomaly in growth the whole pregnancy. And I'm a tiny woman.
I started to not do so well and OH was ushered out which I think must have been the single most terrifying moment of his life. Just a pressure drop which was resolved, and Ioan was placed with me on the bed and wheeled into recovery, where somehow I gave him his first feed.
I finally got to the ward bay and OH was there, having been told I was on my way, so he was smiling. It was also lovely and dark on the ward.
We all held each other as much as we could before he had to leave for the night.
My Anti D midwife came to see how I was doing and quietly let me know that the docs had said that they rarely see someone with so much determination to birth their baby without help, but going any further would at the least have caused me great damage and at worst, well worse.
That was Sunday. I've been home since Tuesday eve, and would you believe it, OH,, despite everything, remembered that we'd wanted, once everything and everyone had been cleared after our home waterbirth(!), that we would cuddle together and listen to 'Here Comes The Sun' by The Beatles.
And that's what we did.
As some of you know I became an excited homebirth hopeful at 34 weeks - due date came and went, as did two failed sweeps at 40 + 4 and 41wks. MW at latter appointment was really positive and said she thought I would start on my own...
PART 1 - HOME
That night/morning (21 July, 00:15) my waters broke just as I was drifting off to sleep - rather than talking about the drag of being overdue me and OH had decided to talk about our baby boy and how much we love him - I'm sure that kickstarted it! I excitedly got back out of bed and saw my plug going too - this is it, I thought. after calming down I got on my birthing ball and waited for something to happen - I didn't have to wait long, contractions started around 15 mins after the waters.
Looking at the timing OH noted, I was having contractions every 3-5 minutes from the off - we had practised hypnobirthing but it was quite manageable at this point - at 40 mins in I put on my TENS.
We called and the first of several MW's came out - she was impressed with the strength of my contractions vs my coping and even hinted that she'd seen this in hypnobirthers before where she's examined and there's the head! Of course that made me keen to have one, so speculum out. I was only 1-2 cm! not to worry I thought, plenty of time.
We next got a MW out at about 6AM - I felt like i was having 3-4 in 10 mins and she arrived, looked at me and recommended OH started filling the pool. How Exciting! She felt some contractions, they became a bit more erratic but she said I was clearly in labour and any examination is 'academic' at this point and I should just get the pool up. She also commented on how well me and OH were doing working through the contractions.
Just before the pool was ready, she suggested she examine me 'just to see how quickly another MW might need to be here'...I was STILL 1-2 CM!. Dashed, I wasn't going in the pool and she eventually left.
We tried to get some rest and I really focussed on trying to numb the contractions so I could do so - it seemed to work.
3rd midwife of the day came around 11 AM, same story - contractions getting stronger, still 1-2cm by speculum. I rested again, thought I was numbing out contractions but in fact I think they were just stopping. Same MW came back around 3.30 PM - 15 hours on the labour clock now - same story contraction and dilation wise. She made sure I was booked for induction the following morning (which was chilling me, but too exhausted to be emotional, if that makes sense) and left.
the next 12 hours are a blurry cycle of contractions stopping, starting, trying to lie down to rest, feeling very scared when doing so getting back up and wearing myself out by pacing up and down - all done with Tens only.
3AM and I had a 4th MW out - as it happens all the HB midwives were busy so this one came from the hospital - I told OH to tell them I was getting back to back contractions and now finding it hard to cope. I started to shake and MW saw this as a good sign that maybe things had moved on and that she would be happy for me to see through the birth at home if I was far on enough, even though my waters had broke 26 hours prior. At this point I can remember thinking that just maybe I was going to snatch my homebirth back from the hands of induction!
She examined me. 1-2 cm. She also said baby had slipped slightly posterior, which was making the contraction 'couple' and 'triple' together.
She said she would be happy to try and facilitate me coming in as much as possible to have aspects of the homebirth incorporated - I quietly let her know that OH has Asperger's Syndrome, and lighting would be key. She understood, I think.
She said to take our time but thats hard to hear when 29 hours of labour had already passed - we got in a taxi at 5AM.
PART 2 - HOSPITAL
We arrived, tens still going. Bit of confusion at Triage but eventually got going on monitor - baby fine, contractions down to 1 in 10 mins. Consultant came by and recommended a 'tickle of the drip' rather than pessaries etc because infection risk now high. A room was sorted, and MW who saw me at home wheeled in a big recliner chair for OH, who had taken to sleeping with his head on rucksack at end of my bed. Shift change and our MW for the next 12 hours arrived.
She talked through pain relief and my instinct was to go for the epidural from the outset - my homebirth was so far removed now and I knew neither I nor OH had the strength to lead through the strong contractions the drip may bring on. That was all set up. I did manage to drift off at points - OH popped back home at one point and cleared away the pool etc - he said later he knew it would devastate me to see it all set up. Love him for that.
I was on the drip from 11AM, topping up epi occasionally (mobile).
The timings become a bit hazy at this point, but counting back, it must have been around 5PM that MW checked it was OK to examine just to see what was going on as contractions were v strong and regular. I was 9cm!!!
She was gobsmacked and went to tell the docs, I was now starting to feel excited again, as much as you can with all the tubes etc ( they had found blood work to show signs of infection at this point so I had fluids, syntocinon and antibiotics going by now) and MW said it was hopeful I could start pushing in an hour if all went well. She said she was now optimistic that we might meet baby before the end of her shift at 8PM.
An hour later I started pushing. It started well (I did lots of perineal/pelvic floor work) but then baby wasn't.
Docs starting flying in and out and checking heartbeat - he wasn't doing well with pushing it seemed. Then things really started to slide as before I knew it my MW was at the end of her shift, and an interim had been brought in while the next MW was briefed, and she was awful, putting me in stirrups to push, which made me feel exposed and uncertain of my body (it also caused me to sorry TMI - unceremoniously open my bowels to the world, just as this MW was putting all those horrible lights on that had been kept off for OH's sake. Despite clearly being in distress, OH proceeded to take the birthing partner role on again giving water and egging me on. He's me hero.
that bloody interim MW even said 'push this baby out or I'll tickle your feet' when I was clearly in distress.The shift MW finally joined us and I remembered her from my Anti D appt - she had a lovely student with her too, and I remember at this point the thought popping into my head that I had always hope a student would be present at baby's birth, except I'd imagined them on my sofa whilst I gave birth in my pool.
They were great, trying their very best to minimise doctor presence, but this was becoming harder, and they were keen to intervene. Baby's head was only at spines level, and they could see swelling - it then became a bit of a battle between me and the docs as I saw it as personal that they weren't giving me a chance to keep trying - they also wouldn't let me change position - I was sitting right on my sacrum for f***'s sake!. OH was getting concerned by what they were sating about baby so I switched gear and tried to focus on at least a vaginal birth, even if assisted. They said they could take blood from baby's head if I could push for long enough to get at it to see if they could give me anymore time to push, reminding me that on top of baby being in distress he was also back to back (duh, I'd been on my back since 8AM, what did you expect?) OH stepped and said go for it without delay, they did, and baby had good levels ( much to their amazement) so I continued pushing whilst they put in motion for forceps.
At some point between 8-9PM I really, really felt like his head had moved in some way, like it was going to fall out. I begged whoever it was going past me to examine me - it was a doc, she muttered something about needing to save babies lives elsewhere but she'll do it. No change, but what she did say put everything in another motion.
Babies head was clearly too large to get through, no matter how hard me or the forceps tried.
So now I was quickly taken out of the stirrups, onto my side, told to stop pushing, meds in, signing papers. Abrief few minutes of quiet. The epi had now worn off and they wouldnt give any more as anaesthetist was about to come in and set up something much stronger, so there I lay, 45 1/2 hours into labour, feeling the full force of contractions on full dilation, but being told not to act upon them, but pant. I used the equivalent yoga breath instead, and OH somehow found the strength to take me through them with hypno, even though he was terrified. As I say, my hero.
I was taken to theatre, and at 9.41PM, Ioan-Luc Wolfe came into the world.
He wasn't breathing, and was spirited away very quickly, took first breath shortly after.
The anaesthetist proclaimed 'big boy!' when I assume he was lifted out. The necessary 'keep talking' tac whilst they were resuscitating and suctioning him was taken up by all the team playing guess the weight and saying it was amazing I'd moved him at all (i guess at this point they were looking at my pelvis laid out on the table?). I finally heard a cry
4.3kg, or 9lbs 7oz in old money. No-one, NO-ONE had spotted even a slight anomaly in growth the whole pregnancy. And I'm a tiny woman.
I started to not do so well and OH was ushered out which I think must have been the single most terrifying moment of his life. Just a pressure drop which was resolved, and Ioan was placed with me on the bed and wheeled into recovery, where somehow I gave him his first feed.
I finally got to the ward bay and OH was there, having been told I was on my way, so he was smiling. It was also lovely and dark on the ward.
We all held each other as much as we could before he had to leave for the night.
My Anti D midwife came to see how I was doing and quietly let me know that the docs had said that they rarely see someone with so much determination to birth their baby without help, but going any further would at the least have caused me great damage and at worst, well worse.
That was Sunday. I've been home since Tuesday eve, and would you believe it, OH,, despite everything, remembered that we'd wanted, once everything and everyone had been cleared after our home waterbirth(!), that we would cuddle together and listen to 'Here Comes The Sun' by The Beatles.
And that's what we did.
which is exactly how OH wears his hair we couldnt believe it!
