Is 8 too Young to Attend a Funeral? (Family Friend)

[PipPlus3]

Hi everyone!

I spend most of my time in baby club, but was hoping you wouldn't mind me popping in here.

My boys are nearly 1, 8 and 11. A very close member of the family passed away very recently. She was very much like an Aunt to me and my children and the 2 eldest have asked me if they can go to her funeral next Friday. Do you think they are too young for this? I didn't allow them to go to my Nan's funeral 3 years ago as I didn't think they were mature enough to cope. Obviously I will not be taking the baby.

My instinct is to say yes, they can come. This is not going to be a heavily religious ceremony, but more a celebration of her life. Opinions or experiences welcome please!

Thanks to anyone who replies!

 

[moonbeam_sea]

I was 8 when my great grandma died and I wasn't allowed to go. I was mad at my mom for a long time because of it. If they want to go, I'd say let them go. I coped better with the deaths in my family when I was allowed to go to the funeral as that was a good way of talking to everyone after, which I found helpful even as a kid. I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[PipPlus3]

Thank you for replying Moonbeam. Yes, that was something I was worried about. I don't want him to feel resentment towards me or for him to feel like he didn't get closure. Thank you for you input.

 

[Platinumvague]

I went to an open casket funeral when I was 5.Personally I wouldn't take our daughter to a funeral unless she was old enough to decide on her own and understood what it was all about.I still remember what his face looked like.It didn't traumatized me but I'm not sure if I'll ever forget it.I think I was to young to understand the concept of death.Now that I'm older it would totally freak me out to see someone who's passed.

 

[sophxx]

If there asking to go inwould let them go if they were my boys. X

 

[freckleonear]

Personally I've taken my children to funerals since they were babies, as my parents did with me. Death is just a normal part of life in my opinion, and if it's somebody that they were close to then I think it's important to get closure. So yes, personally I would take them.

 

[PipPlus3]

Thank you for you replies everyone. I have decided to take them. We have sat down together and had a discussion about what happens, what to expect and told them to be on their best behaviour... I also have a back up in case they change their mind at the last minute!

 

[katealim]

I took both my daughters, (then 8 and 5) to my grandfathers funeral a couple years ago. I arranged for a dear friend of mine to come along in case the children became antsy or upset so that she could take them out of the service and I didn't have to leave. Never needed this but it was comforting to know she was there....just in case.

 

[PipPlus3]

I took both my daughters, (then 8 and 5) to my grandfathers funeral a couple years ago. I arranged for a dear friend of mine to come along in case the children became antsy or upset so that she could take them out of the service and I didn't have to leave. Never needed this but it was comforting to know she was there....just in case.

That's actually a really good idea! Thanks :0)

 

[TattiesMum]

Personally I've taken my children to funerals since they were babies, as my parents did with me. Death is just a normal part of life in my opinion, and if it's somebody that they were close to then I think it's important to get closure. So yes, personally I would take them.

My parents didn't take us to our Grandfather's funeral when I was 7, and I always resented them for it ... so with my own they have attended funerals since they were tiny.

Like freckle I strongly believe that death is a normal part of life and that the more children are shielded from that reality, the harder it is on them, and the more frightening it is, when they do finally have to deal with a loss head on.

Sorry for your loss Hon

 

[RachA]

If theyve asked then I would say yes. Refusing to let them go is almost like making it a taboo subject for them and I don't think that's healthy.
We all gave to deal with death at some point. While he was too young to understand at the time we allowed our son to go to the celebration after the burial. Since then the subject of various family members has come up (we've lost two great granddaddy and one great uncles since DS was about 12months old) and we've spoken openly about how they died and whats happened next etc.

 

[Jemma_x]

I would let them go, i think if they are asking to go then they are old enough to go but i think having a friend there if possible in case they get upset

 

[PipPlus3]

Thank you to everyone who has replied. I have decided I will be taking them with me, and my LO will be coming to the celebration afterwards too. I also have a friend on standby who will take them out if they can't cope. It's not so much the death and the funeral itself that I was worried over, but I know that this is going to be horrifically hard for my Mum, who hasn't cried yet and this woman was her best friend for 40 years. I didn't know if I would be able to support the children as well as my mum ( sounds so selfish now I have typed it!).

Again, thanks everyone. The advice has put it into perspective.

 

[Mummy2B21]

I think id let my children go if they asked but like you I'd have to sit them down and explain it all

 

[PipPlus3]

Well, I took them. It went as well as could be expected, a few tears but some smiles as well. They both did me proud, behaved amazingly and were so, so considerate of others grief. I'm glad they had a chance to say goodbye.

Just wanted to say thanks again for everyone's opinions

 

[katealim]

Well, I took them. It went as well as could be expected, a few tears but some smiles as well. They both did me proud, behaved amazingly and were so, so considerate of others grief. I'm glad they had a chance to say goodbye.

Just wanted to say thanks again for everyone's opinions

So glad to hear that things went well.