Is it normal to feel terrified(dating related)...

[xandersmama09]

I'm a single mom.. My son is almost 2 and a half. I love being a single mom, I've never found it difficult and I love the ability to make all of the decisions about my son's care. I have never been anything other than a single mom as my ex left me when I was 5 months pregnant, so I don't know what it's like parenting with a partner. All I know is what I've experienced.

I recently got back into the dating game and I find myself thinking ahead sometimes and getting terrified. You know, the what ifs. What if I find someone I really like and we get into a relationship? What if it doesn't work out, and my son ends up getting hurt if he met the person?

Or, what if it works out good and we go on to have kids together and then break up? I don't want to go through custody and access and support decisions. What if we don't break up but I really can't stand his parenting methods? I love doing things my way, and I am so nurturing and it would break my heart if a man ended up being mean in any way to my children.

I know I'm thinking so far ahead, but I guess the idea of change scares me. Things are so comfortable now, just me and my son. We are both so happy, and I don't want that to change. I don't want my son to get confused, or end up experiencing loss or grief if he likes someone and things don't work out. I don't ever want him to feel that, we were lucky he never experienced the breakup between myself and his father. It was not easy and it would've been traumatizing for him to be a part of.

Is it normal to be so terrified while dating? I have started seeing a guy that seems to be a gentleman, and a good guy, and I want to relax but my mind is on overdrive.

 

[emf81]

Hello, i haven't any advice as my lo isn't even here yet and I'm still at the hate men stage!!
But well done you for starting to date again hope he is a good one, just try and enjoy it xxx

 

[Strawberrymum]

I think it's normal. But you can't live your life worrying sometimes you have to take well calculated risks.

If you thinks he's the one you've been together awhile have fairly the same ideas about life, what you want, etc then slowly slowly introduce him to your son.

 

[xandersmama09]

Yeah, I'd have to be seeing someone exclusively and we'd have to be dating for at least 4-6 months before I would introduce them to my son. It's just the idea that my son could after that point get attached and maybe end up getting hurt, that scares me so much. He never had to witness his father and I breaking up, so he's never felt that grief that kids can feel from a break up. I really don't want him to have to feel it.

I know I'm just avoiding change because it scares me, though. I need to wait it out and just allow myself time to adjust to dating, I think...

 

[sie35]

you have a good point and its a problem my ex wife had 4 kids when we met i adored them and they adored me a bitter divorce and custody battle over my 4 biolodgical sons meant ive been compleatly removed from there lives and there only allowed a speradic unstuctered relationship with there biolodgical dad your doing right thinking about these things but life isent perfect and you cant predict the futuire if you try to hard to make there lifes perfect you can only fail somtimes you have no choice but to trust in fate good luck try not to over analise your life just enjoy it

 

[SophiasMummy]

I know how you feel ive had to explian to a couple of old male friends that wanted relationships that my LO comes first now and I wont get into a proper relationship with them until we have figured out if they want the same thing as me and that they have to realise my LO is the most important person and I cant get into anything if I think there is a major risk of it not working or if they dont think there ready to deal with a baby aswell, as obviously us single mummys and our babies come as a package deal lol, its hard im so scared to open mine and LOs life to anyone else because as much as its horrible being alone its also amazing with it just being me and sophia, I think its hard to explain what you need from a relationship to a new man without kind of scaring them a bit but maybe thats just me lol, I dont think im ready to start dating and let someone in again yet xxx