Is it worth going through csa??

[babyndme]

Im totally confused nd need advice, is it worth going through csa? xxx

 

[Laura--x]

Im trying to figure that out myself. Having problems with FOB and arrangments with him seeing maisie, but if im quite honest.. i cant be bothered to go through it all

 

[babybaillie]

The only way it is worth it is if FOB refuses to pay u. If u can make an arrangement with ur ex between u both then its far better to do that. The csa make out there there for the childs best interests, but this isnt the case.

 

[babyndme]

well FOB hasnt been to see LO over a week now, nd he's really getting me worked up with payments...he's ready to give me 100 a month, but he wants to put it into an account, give me a card so he can see what i buy!!! the cheek he had to tell me incase I spent it on my own, but since i found out i was pregnant i havent really spent any money on my own, and paid for evrything for baby on my own!! what should i do?? xxx

 

[babybaillie]

If hes happy to go ahead and set that up id go for it. If he delays anymore tell him u will just go to the csa, but it can take a long time to get any money. where as if hes happy to start this up asap go for it. Spend it as u see fit. I usually spend my ex's money on clothes and toys. He sees that as wasting it. But at d end of the day i buy essentials and use his money as extra so i never have to rely on it, if u no what i mean.

 

[Nosy_Cow]

My experience with the CSA is a slightly unusual one! My partner has a 6 year old daughter and he paid his ex-girlfriend £30 per week (this is without the CSA). Then he went onto monthly pay and so he paid her £120 per month in cash but she refused to give him a receipt as proof and also refused to give him her bank details so he could set up a standing order! Then one month he simply couldn't afford to pay the full lot of he had been off work on sick. So he paid her £80 instead and said she'd get the rest the following month.

Well she didn't like this and went straight to the CSA even though he had NEVER missed any payments before (not that he had any proof - sneaky little cow!). So he stopped paying her when he got the letter through (that was addressed to his mum not him?!?). She made up some story that he hadn't paid her for month's to get more money out of him and the CSA bought it (because he didn't have receipts as proof only cash was taken out on that date on his bank statement - not enough proof apparently)! So even though he had never missed a payment apart from that once and he paid her the extra £40 the following month he still got taken to the CSA and now has to pay £152 a month. That's fine by us but his ex had to wait 4 months for the money to filter through (from applying to getting some money) even though they had taken the money from him in the first month. She also rang him everyday of the 4 months asking for her money when it had already gone to the CSA.

So don't expect money straight away! To be honest I don't think it's worth it unless you are desperate and the father won't pay a penny! If the father is paying give him a receipt! Be fair to him! I've seen it from the other side and it's not nice! Let him set up a standing order going straight into your bank that way you both know where you stand. And if he prefers to pay in cash them give him a receipt. If he misses a payment give him the benefit of the doubt and let him have one more chance. If he continually misses payments then talk to the CSA about it but only if he continues to miss payments. Be reasonable - if he's off work or on benefits let him pay what he can afford not what you want! They'll be better respect between you and him and your child will pick up on this!

Hope this helps and isn't too much of a rant!

 

[Nosy_Cow]

I think the putting it in the account is a good idea - it seems a bit funny when my partner's ex just gets paid (by the CSA) and all of a sudden wants us to babysit when she goes out! I know that might sound bitchy but I can understand what he's getting at. He wants to know what the money is spent on and that it's going on his child. But then I can see it from your point of view. You've used all your money so far so why should his money go on the baby. Can you not come up with something in between? Like you show him receipts of what you have bought (whether it's your money or his money)?

 

[precious-gift]

you shouldn't have to give him receipts, thats awful. the money is not just to buy clothes and toys, it is to put a roof over you childs head, help with electricity, gas etc

although not looking forward to it, i have just applied to csa, as i don't see why he should get away with not providing for his son, when he can afford holidays and new cars. he needs to face up to his responsibilities. can understand not wanting to go through csa if ex was violent, i probably wouldn't in those circumstances x

 

[xxannxx]

I would say in my experience it was worth going through CSA although it does take a long time, but if FOB is going to mess you about then its only way. I waited 3 years before going to them, as i thought it was too much hassle, and then thought f**k him, i'll do it myself, but in the end just thought, why shouldn't LO get what he's entitled to? My ex cut his hours so he didn't have to pay the full amount CSA calculated, but i take pleasure in knowing that every penny i get from him is a penny less from his pocket.

 

[DizzyMoo]

personally i wouldn't accept a bank account for my child instead of csa payments, the money is to help provide for them how on earth can you provide for them if he is putting it into a bank account that you can not touch ? you child can not access it til a certain age either so imo that is not providing for your child properly. That is just like saving up spends & is not maintenance money.
Maintenance is for clothing, footwear,food & also to go towards household bills & medical expenses etc . He might not even put the same amount in every month because he knows he can get away with it, so no i wouldn't accept this at all. imo just a way to get out of paying.

I would defo go through csa even though it is very stressful & they are useless, its not right for the dad to get away with not paying, I just think of any csa as a bonus & if ever i get it ( which i dont now ) i used to just go & buy josh something with it, like a new toy or get new clothing. I never relied on it as it wasn't reliable enough because his dad never paid properly.

So defo go through them hun but just dont rely on the money, Use your normal wage or benefit money as reliable income & then the csa as a bonus or extra as & when/if you get it.

 

[tinkabells]

If i had a choice i would prefer a private arrangement, because of all the different clauses that the csa seem to have!!!
Read other threads to see what they put us all through and if you can go through it all
I need to go through it unfortunatly xxx

 

[McLovin]

I am not at that stage yet - but I'm certain I will me before long. I would personally go through CSA - my FOB is likely to want receipts for every tiny thing - which I am not going to do! lol