Is it wrong for me to think I'd be better of a single mother?

[LavaPanda]

I don't even know how to start this. Im in the biggest dilemma ever.

Basically, im currently with FOB and I'm not gunna lie, I love him- which is why this is hard. But I've been thinking for a while that maybe I'm better off single for the babies sake.
Danny is going away to university next month, but he's moving to a uni that's 4 hours away and I'm so so angry about this. He found out he was having a baby before he had to make this decision final but he's moving there anyway- he says its so he can get the best.
Im staying at home for now completing my own A-levels. And he's not understanding why Im so upset. I mean, he's leaving me with the responsibility of a newborn AND my exams all at once so /i/ can get into uni myself. He gets the student life, parties and shit. And im here stressed out my head and I understand its my fault because I want her (and always will) but y'know. Not only that I can't not trust him to cheat. I mean, im his only girl he's been with so at uni when they're all happy go lucky and commitment free (and drunk) who's going to look more appealing? Hes going with his best friend who's already broken up with his girlfriend so he can live the bachelor life.
My heads an utter mess and I just can't stop crying. He goes on about how he wants to leave and then gets upset when im not supportive- but I just can't be. He's going to be a shitty part time dad and has even admitted he's not going to pull his weight when he comes home- I've accepted im going to be like a single mum anyway.
I even offered about moving up with him next year but he told me he doesn't want to do that. I feel im trying so hard but he's not that interested. And if we split I have a feeling hell not bother with her at all anyway.

Am I better off alone? or do I try harder and keep it together for LO'S sake. Becuase at the moment I feel she doesn't need him and I'll just work to be her mum and dad. I don't want him swanning in and out of her life and messing her up.
This is so hard :c

 

[Mummy2Be_at20]

well no offense but what it sounds like is that you're going to be a single mom either way just not "officially". Honestly you shouldn't be the only one that has to make sacrifices for their future while he gets to have the benefits of being a "dad" without doing anything that actually makes him a "parent". I hate when men think that its okay to shirk all their responsibilities and leave it up to the mom. Personally I wouldn't force someone to stay if they don't want to because that would just be stress and not good for the baby, but I WOULD serve his butt papers so that he can at least financially provide for the baby. Trust me between him being 4 hours away, parties, new girls, and a crap ton of school work you'd probably see him on major holidays...and it isn't fair to you. And i'm just giving my honest opinion, I don't think you should get your hopes up. Because when guys that young go out on their own without anyone to give them rules, they kind of think they run the world and there's no consequences for their actions...

 

[Mummy2Be_at20]

What would be best for him to do is to step up as a man, and for him to decide to go to a closer university or even online university while he stays closer to you and works part time or full time (if its online definitely) and then raise the baby WITH you, while also getting an education, and growing up and letting go of the college life "fantasy"

 

[Rosie604]

I see both sides of this situation, to be honest. You may need him around to be the father, but it also may be better in the long run for him to go to the university to help create some kind of future for you guys as a family. I am not taking any sides here, because I agree with both. But I will say, as a mom, I would feel the same way that you do. I also see him finding somebody else while he's at school, I know that's harsh, but maybe I'm too cynical. He should find a school closer to you and the baby for the sake of the family.

 

[ClairAye]

I can also see both sides of it tbh. But I know if I was you I would be throwing my toys out of my pram, and then throwing my pram at him. It can't be an easy situation and with him saying he won't pull his weight anyway it must make you feel worse! It may change once she is here, he may see it differently then but no one can say for sure :/

Personally I wouldn't make any big decisions until your LO is here.

Sorry, I'm not all that good at advice! I hope you can figure things out

 

[MummyMana]

Although I can understand him wanting to go to uni (although admittedly an actual job would be more helpful) to make a better life for you and the baby, I can't get my head around why he wouldn't want you to go with him :S

 

[Meggo24]

I understand where he is coming from, but he needs to grow up pretty quickly. Obviously this isnt something you have the power to control. And whether he grows up now, or later he will eventually realize the reality of the situation and what he is putting you through. I think its good to prepare yourself to be a single mother. But hey, you never know what could happen.

 

[mummytobe_93]

i remember you writing this a while ago and i feel for you i really do!

As a PP has stated it sounds like you're going to be a single mother either way, and in some ways i think when you know you're a 'single mum' you just accept it and move on with it, where as if you are in a relationship but you're doing all the work you feel resentful! Im in a sort of similar situation, my OH has a job working all over the UK, however he is back atleast 1 or 2 days a week (so obviously not the same situation) and i know he's doing it for our family!

Your boyfriend can go to any university and do great! he doesn't have to go to just one university, there's plenty of good uni's in the northwest including uni of liverpool/manchester- it doesn't make sense and he doesn't sound committed- i would be pissed off i was you!

I dont think he should get any credit for raising your baby, it's you who will have done it all! x

 

[skyesmom]

he's acting egoistical with his studies and that's a selfish choice he made there, but sincerely, i think here it's more you who's hurting and thinking if he's a good partner to you, then thinking about what will be the best for your baby. he doesn't sound much supportive to you as a WOMAN but he doesn't sound he'll be completely out of your baby's life. and a part time dad is better then no dad at all.

you don't have to be in a relationship with him, but i wouldn't exclude him completely out of his daughter's life just because he wants to go to college that is 4h away. that would be as egoistic from you, as it is from him going there in the first place.

if you can't deal with losing him to college, and especially if you don't trust him, then break up, but don't cut him off from the family life.

i get he's young and needs some serious growing up instead of running away from things, but if you cut him off your family and his daughter (because she will always be his, no matter how far either you or him move!), you'll just give him a green card and the best excuse ever to do as he pleases.

 

[mstennischick]

oh sounds like a jerk!! he shouldn't leave you right now, I don't blame him for wanting to go to school and wanting to make the best for his child, but a university that's far away? that's not necesary at all. I don't blame you at all. I feel the same way sometimes, but my fob isn't that bad. has he been to the doctor's appointments with you? i feel like he hasn't fully grasped that you're actually having a baby.

Also, unfortunately, but that's just the way God made us women. When we get pregnant, we are the ones who handle everything, unless you have a really really good boyfriend that goes out and gets you what you're craving and gives you massages, but unfortunately even then, pregancy is amazing but it's also so hard and uncomfortable and the guy doesn't realize that, and he never will because he never has to go through it. It would help to have a supportive boyfriend in your life though, not one that wants to run away the second he gets the chance to.