Is this selfish? Help please!

[zilla]

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[emyandpotato]

It is not selfish in the slightest. I know MILs often get annoyed about things like this but you have such a real reason for doing it that if she even dares look less than happy about it she's being very unfair. Why not tell people you're going to get married and then go? No harm in that. And tell people you don't want anyone there! Only thing is, you'll need witnesses, and also it's tricky getting a marriage license in other countries- what many people do is have a quick registry office do in the UK and a blessing abroad, but guessing that's not what you were looking at doing?!

 

[zilla]

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[emyandpotato]

In the UK you can take witnesses off the street, so long as you can actually find people willing. I presume it's the same? You'd be best asking your venue- perhaps they have some people who'd be willing to do it? And no Finland sounds lovely, it's somewhere I've always wanted to go, too!

 

[Belle25]

I'm in a very similar situation.
We have decided to do a very small wedding at registry office, then we will have a party afterwards with his family, and one up north with my small family as they are miles apart a few weeks later

It's your big day, so don't feel you have to conform to this big white wedding.

Do it your way xx

 

[foquita]

Finland would be amazing! I think you should do what you want to do and never mind what your MIL wants, you have a very valid reason to not want a big wedding and hopefully she would understand that!

we're getting married in malaysia in september just the two of us and it has been so easy to arrange, a wedding planner is sorting out our paperwork and witnesses etc we just had to do statutory declarations with a lawyer (I got a template online and did them myself then the lawyer just read them out and signed them) and get the lawyer to verify our passports. we're getting married in a registry office in langkawi then having a ceremony at the place we're staying.

 

[foquita]

oh and we didn't get engaged, we're just getting married

 

[katherinegrey]

Could you have your wedding in Finland and then just have a party when you returned?? That way there's no speeches or anything that you'd hate, but your MIL gets in on some of the planning, I think a marriage is two families coming together so it'd be a shame to get off on the wrong foot before you're married, I know my MIL is being sooo interfering I wish we'd done this to be honest.

 

[Mummy May]

I would go and do it, and if she's that other end then have a party when you get home. Just do what you both want, don't let anyone else take over!! Xx

 

[zilla]

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[Rachel_C]

I would do a small private ceremony for you and just your very close family then have your MIL throw you a huge party afterwards. It's not something I would have considered before we got married but it's kind of the way we did it - OH is Asian and Muslim so we had the register office ceremony and the religious ceremony then a meal in a restaurant. That was in my home town, I chose pretty much everything - colours, cake, decorations etc. Then we had a walima, which is like the part of the wedding the groom's family throws you a week or so after the 'proper' wedding. MIL arranged that in OH's home town and to be perfectly honest it was hideous but it kept her happy(-ish, I wouldn't wear the dress or jewellery or make-up she chose!)

Because of the distance, at the proper wedding there were only some of OH's guests there - his parents, siblings and his SIL and nephews, one set of cousins who could make it and a couple of his friends. At the second part, I invited only my mum and sisters, and that was more to shield me from MIL's guests .

 

[zilla]

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[wishuwerehere]

I'd just do it and come back and tell them. It sounds like that way there'd be no pressure to go for a wedding you don't want.

 

[Toms Mummy]

We will be getting married within the next yr (when I get around to organising it!) We're not getting engaged as we've been together for 9 yrs already so seems a bit wierd! We're just going to go down to registery office with our LO and a close couple friend that we know as witnesses and just get married there without telling anyone..... Then maybe when MIL asks when we are etting married we'll just say we already are!