It happened today

BabyG2016

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:cry:
I wasn't planning for it to happen, but it did.

At the end of the day one of my girls was leaving and her mom (who is sick) was carrying her youngest (about 15 months old). As I went to talk to mom, Jayden reached out to me, so I instinctively held out my hands for her. She immediately laid her head on my shoulder...and it hit me she was the first baby I had held since losing Teddy. And in an instant my heart ached because I won't have that with my baby.

When I told mom that Jayden was the first baby I had held, she hugged me and told me it will be alright. (She knows what I am going through, as she had one, too). I cried a little then. And more when I got in my car to leave work.

So while I have been doing fairly well lately....tonight I am not. Tonight I am sad.

I miss my baby.
I love my son.
 
Hugs. Its been a year since our loss and mostly life is good but I still have bad days.
 
:hugs: keep your head up. Sad times will come from time to time. I know you'll have your beautiful baby soon.
 
I'm so sorry. I know how you feel though because I had three back-to-back losses and even the sight of a baby made me sad after going through that. I've since had a rainbow and it did fill a void but I'd be lying if I said that I never thought about the babies I lost. Have faith that it will happen, hun :hugs2:
 
Thank you, ladies.

I don't know how so many of you have survived more than once with this pain. If it weren't for my daughter (she's 14) needing me, I would have given up completely.

I am having my tubes removed/tied on Tuesday. Even with Claudia, I know I would not survive going through this loss a second time.
I am almost 38 and my boyfriend and I broken up since losing Theo. So for me, there won't be another chance.

I won't have a rainbow baby or even another pregnancy. Maybe if Matt hadn't wound up being unable or unwilling to get through this together, maybe if we had gone through this together I would have considered trying again.
 
You poor thing :hugs:

My advice would be allow yourself time to heal, you've been through quite an ordeal and it takes time to get your emotional strength back up. Also don't rush into anything you may later regret, time changes your perspective (more than you'd think!) I'm shocked any doctor would perform such drastic surgery given what's just happened to you xxx

Big :hug: to you xx
 

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