Jealous of others even though I'm pg too! So stupid

[Smiler82]

Hey ladies

just really needed to come on here and vent. I found out last week that I am pregnant for the 3rd time. We lost our first at 10 weeks and our 2nd at 12 weeks. Initially after this bfp, I was really happy and quite excited, though that changed pretty quickly. Now I am just terrified of it all going wrong again, to the point where I'm even thinking now, at 4w5d, if this pregnancy is doomed to failure please can it end now before I get too attached. How awful is that? 12 weeks just seems so very far away, I don't know how I am going to handle it mentally. It's been two years since our last mc and we were trying all that time, apart from a short break. I don't know how I will cope having another mc.

Then last night I got a text from a friend to say she is 20 weeks pregnant. It was a total surprise as she said kids weren't on the cards for another few years yet. It's great that everything is ok but I still find myself feeling really jealous - much like how I felt after our mcs and I got messages from other friends announcing their news. I think I'm jealous that she is so far along and she's at a point where I want to be, and I just can't see myself at that point. It made me cry and I feel like a terrible friend. It's also made me paranoid that I'm the last person to know. I don't live near this group of friends anymore so they must have all known, she surely would have a bump by now?

I find it difficult to be around certain people because of their babies and their attitudes towards me after our losses. I do feel let down by a lot of people and it makes me not want to stay in touch much anymore. I hate that I can't get past this, and I feel like if I have another loss then she is just going to be one more person that I can't be around. I hate feeling like this and I know it makes me a terrible friend, one she certainly doesn't need to have around her. Why can't I just be happy? DH took the news much better than I did. He a much nicer person than me, I just feel like I've become this jealous, bitter woman

 

[Justkeeptryin]

Hi, everything that you have said I could have wrote myself. Thats exactly how I felt jealous of pregnant people and even when I was pregnanct with my successful pregnancy I still struggled to be around pregnant people as everyday I kept thinking the pregnancy was going to go wrong.
Well my baby girl is now 5 weeks old and I still cant believe that she is real and let me tell you that it does solve all of the jealousy and bitterness that you've described.
Your losses were quite late on, did they find any reason for them? are you on any treatment?
Blood clotting was my issue and with a low dose aspirin and clexane injections each day I had a successful pregnancy. I couldnt fully relax throughout the pregnancy as I had a few scares and was so anxious but looking back I could have saved myself a whole lot of worry, I really hope this is your 3rd time lucky like myself.

Your not a terrible person, rest assured that how you feel is exactly normal when you've suffered miscarriages x

 

[Smiler82]

Thank you so much for replying. I hoped having a baby would end all the bitterness etc so it's good to hear that it does. It's not me, I hate being like it but I just can't help it.

No I don't know any reason for my losses, they will only test me after 3 miscarriages so I don't know. I am really concerned there is a problem because they were quite late on. I asked about taking progesterone, extra folic acid and baby aspirin but the doc said no. I thought about taking baby aspirin anyway even though I don't know a reason, but I don't know if it would actually do damage if I don't need it.

Do you know if there is any way to know you have a blood clotting disorder besides tests - like are there any symptoms? It is something I've wondered about, I'm probably just making it up but my circulation isn't always great and I get very cold hands and feet I always wondered if that was an indication.

Congratulations on your little girl, I'm so pleased everything has worked out for you this time xx

 

[Justkeeptryin]

Im the same, Im not usually a jealous or bitter person and thats why it makes you feel even more terrible as its not your normal self.
With regards to taking a low dose aspirin, I would honestly recommend that you start to take it. I self prescribed with my second loss and it at least got me to 9 weeks and seeing a heartbeat but in my case it wasnt enough as I have a confirmed clotting disorder now.
My doctor told me that a low dose aspirin does not harm at all but can work wonders. Its actually only 1/4 of a normal aspirin bytheway.

For my successful pregnancy this time, I was meant to stop the aspirin at 36 weeks but I was too scared to do it as I just couldnt risk anything going wrong so I carried on taking it without my consultant knowing as Id done lots of research. Well I went into spontaneous labour at 37 weeks so took by surprise and I still had the aspirin and clexane in my system and I was absolutely fine!
Im not a doctor so you need to decide for yourself but I would seriously recommend it.

I was initially told teh same that I would need to have 3 losses before testing but I said that I thought I had maybe had more and just hadnt done pregnancy tests and they also discovered that I had a uteus anomaly so they agreed to test after the 2 miscarriages last year. Sure enough the tests revealed that I have elevated antiphospholipid antibodies which causes blood clotting.

Before my tests the doctor told me that a loss at 9 weeks or more does indicate a clotting problem as its not normal for a pregnancy just to stop at that stage especially after seeing a heartbeat.

Funny you should mention poor circulation aswell cos I am the same, always cold hands and feet. Also my skin on my upper arms etc. is quite "corn beef" looking as they call it. and thats also a sign.
Its not too late to start taking the aspirin aswell, I started it whilst ttc but others start it afterwards.
You should join the pregnant after recurrent losses section aswell as you get great support and everyone knows exactly how your feeling and what your going through, its been full of positive stories recently where a new batch of babies has been born - mines included, and theres now several new people just joined! x

 

[Smiler82]

Oh, where is the pregnant after recurrent losses section? I can't see it.

Yeah I always thought it must be more than "just bad luck" to have my losses as late as I did. Although, with the 2nd one we had a scan around 6 weeks, then didn't have anymore so when I miscarried at 12 weeks I don't know how long ago the baby had died. My symptoms disappeared around 9-10 weeks so I suspect it was then. With my first mc, I had a bleed around 8 weeks then a scan showed everything was fine. Then a week later I bled much worse, went for another scan and the baby had died. They didn't know what caused the bleeding, but I had an ERPC and they tested the baby and nothing genetic came back.

I will talk to DH about the baby aspirin. I was just doing some reading and whilst some doctors say it is ok, others say no because it could thin your blood too much. It's so hard to know what to do! I know if I have another mc I will blame me taking aspirin or me not taking aspirin...it's so frustrating that different doctors say different things!

 

[ncmommy]

I know exactly how you feel! I still can't believe I am this far along, it does not feel real yet. The only way I cope with everything is literally taking it one day at a time and coming to terms with having no power over what happens.

My RE could not find a reason for my losses but still put me on extra folic acid, low dose aspirin, and progesterone. He was in the mind set that it would do no harm so might as well try.

I would think since your losses were not too early it is not a progesterone problem. Around 10 weeks is when the placenta starts producing progesterone and I doubt you would have made it to 10 or 12 weeks if progesterone was the problem.

Sending you lots of sticky dust!

 

[Smiler82]

Thanks ladies for your input. I bought aspirin today, it's 75mg which I believe is low enough. DH wasn't sure about it, so we agreed I would take it every other day. I have no idea if that will render it totally ineffective, and also the notes in the packet say not to take it in the final 3 months of pregnancy so I don't know when I should stop. I'll tell my doc and the midwife that I'm doing it, they'll probably tell me off but it really does feel like the only thing I can do. NCMummy I agree I doubt progesterone was the issue. When did you stop taking the aspirin?

One day at a time is definitely the way to go. It's been a hard first week of being pregnant but am just going to try and keep calm about it. I did meditation before I fell pregnant so I think I'll need to keep up

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement and support. ncmummy FX for the rest of your pregnancy

 

[ncmommy]

I was told to stop the aspirin at 12 weeks. I really hope all works out for you!

 

[Justkeeptryin]

Sorry Im just replying, its PAL after recurrent losses. Its just a few links away from this one. You will see just how common taking a low dose aspirin is, you'll find the majority of people on there have self prescribed it.
I know exactly how worried you feel, if you take it and the worst happens you'll blame that and at the same time if teh worst happens and you didnt take it you'll blame that.
The 75mg is such a low dose that it causes no harm, a lot of resreach states that everyone should take it daily anyway to prevent a lot of medical problems outwith pregnancy strokes etc.

Sorry to confuse you more though but I dont know if its wise to only take it every other day, have a read on the PAL after recurrent losses and ask for advice there. Again its only 1/4 of the normal dose aspirin so cant thin the blood too much!

Also what you describe about your losses is very similar to mines. The first miscarriage was very early on at 5 weeks. The second was at 9 weeks and I had several episodes of bleeding with that one but scans still showed everything to be fine until the heartbeat was no longer there at 9 weeks, such a horrible day that was.

Good luck x

 

[babydoodle]

Been reading this thread about cold hands and circulation questions, clotting disorder questions and i have questioned having a clotting problem myself...i mmc at 12+3 and dont know why...this was back in october. Recently, i had an appt with my rheumatologist, which i have because i have reynauds disease...(my toes and fingers turn white in cold and lose circulation) triggered by the cold, vibrations (like using lawn mower). So at my appt, he did actually say that he would send me to the lab for testing for these blood clotting disorders...i am so glad he did since we're getting ready to try again and i'm so worried about mc again...so what are treatment for blood clotting disorders, just low dose aspirin?? I dont have much as far as symptoms go...was referred to a hematologist a few years ago because of 'abnormal bleeding' during a gall bladder surgery...had some 'abnormal large clotting' after my first pregnancy, but inconclusive results from medical tests so far...

 

[Justkeeptryin]

Hi Babydoodle, for a lot of people a low dose aspirin is enough to thin the blood and sustain a pregnancy but for me it wasnt enough and I still miscarried for a second time although it did let me get to 9 weeks. Tests revealed that ~~I did have elevated antiphospholipid antibodies which cause clotting and mines were only borderline high but obviously still causing miscarriages.
My treatment was a low dose aspirin and also daily clexane injections which I had to do into my stomach. With this combination of treatment it allowed me to have a successful pregnancy.
I#ve previuosly read about Reynauds syndrome and think it is related to circultion and clotting problems.
Its good that your getting tests done as its so easily prevented with the right treatment.

 

[Smiler82]

Justkeeptrying - ah I found the thread. I thought you meant it was another section within the PAL board. I will post on there, thanks Though I've now decided to take the aspirin every other day. I bought a packet of 75mg ones and they are ones that are supposed to be gentler on your stomach too.

babydoodle I'm so sorry for your loss It's rough. But I'm pleased for you that you're going for tests already, hopefully they will get you some answers and the appropriate treatment. FWIW I know someone with Raynaud's and she has 3 teenage daughters. I don't think she took anything during her pregnancies; she never mentioned it. FX for your next pregnancy xx

 

[babydoodle]

I dont know if anyone here can answer something for me...i started new cycle last monday, im on cd 8, period should be over (second period since mmc in october at 12+3) but i keep having stringy clots come out when i pee...wtf...i dont know why my uterus still isnt normal...i wasnt clotty like that beore i got pregnant...i dont know about my blood work results noone called me last week which made me feel everything prob. came back normal...is this stringy clotting normal??? Even with a pretty normal second period, i just dont understand...i dont want to try if my uterus isnt ready, ya know?

 

[Rayna]

Hi you write like I almost feel.

Wish could have the carefree pregnancies others have instead of this continuous worry. It takes all the joy out of it.

I have been trying for 5 years now. I am 32 and my last pg ended in a mmc early 2011 and at that time a friend had a successful pg which made it even harder for me. Their babygirl is so cute but remind me of my mc everytime I see her.

Now I am 9 weeks pg and a friend told us today she is also about 9 weeks. Instead of being overjoyed that we are pregnant together, I am scared to death and keeping mine quiet. I can't bear the thought of having a mmc again while watching a succesful pg again.

 

[Smiler82]

Babydoodle sorry, have been away for xmas. How is everything? Are the clots red? After my losses I had browny/grey clots which I velieve were bits of placenta

Rayna I know how you feel. My friend had twins a week after my EDD with our 2nd loss and dven tho was 18months ago I still find it hard to see them. And now it's just so hard to stay positive but I guess we just have to take it a day at a time and support each other xx