Just found out my cat died the day I heard that my twins had not developed.

[CurlySue]

I realised that I had not seen her in awhile. She lives at my mums and is often out and about but it occurred to me only recently that I had not seen her. Today, I asked my mum where she was.

"She died," she told me. "I didn't want to tell you while you were going through all that."

She was found sleeping underneath a neighbour's tree in her back yard. Not a mark on her. Just sleeping. My dad and my brother put her in a box and took her to the park. They buried her between two trees, a beautiful place, and they carved her name into one of the trees.

I am heartbroken. I know she was only a cat but the fact that she chose that day to die just absolutely, totally breaks me.

https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/Picture1-29.png

She was found under a tree. She died under a tree.

She went out of our lives the way she came into it.

I know this is the wrong place for it, didn't know where else to post it. I don't feel at home amongst those who have miscarried. This is the place I have been since I arrived here.

Sorry.

 

[Diana_]

That is a lot at once.

I think mc is experienced differently by those who have difficulty TTC and those who easily get pg. I'm really sorry that you lost your twins, and I'm sad that your cat also died.

 

[missy123]

thinking of u at this difficult time xxxx

 

[Brambletess]

I am really sorry to hear that, its so hard loosing a pet and especially when that sadness is mixed up with your emotions regarding your miscarriage as they happenend at the same time. You are not just mourning your pet but the loss of the twins too. I was thinking about you yesterday and wondering how its going. Its a hard time when the initial pain had subsided. You are just left in a kind of limbo land for a while. I am doing ICSI right now and to be honest have found it hard to get keyed into it. I maybe should have waited longer after my miscarriage as the down regging is quite harsh on my emotional state. I am keeping going but if it doesn't work will take a bit of a longer break and go for it January again. Anyway have a good cry it will maske you feel better and your kitty is at peace now.

 

[BizyBee]

Sending many hugs.

 

[Sambatiki]

Ohh Sue Im so sorry xxx

 

[CurlySue]

I am just devastated. I cannot stop crying. I don't even think it's just about the cat, any more. It breaks my heart that she was found like that, that my mum could not face looking at her, that my dad had to go and pick up her tiny, dead little body and take it to the park and bury her. It makes me sad that she is not at home. She is in the woods somewhere, between trees, because she could not be buried in the garden. The dog has a digging habit. She digs everywhere. She would have disturbed her. My mum might have ended up with the added trauma of finding the cat dug up by the dog.

I just can't stop thinking about her going to my neighbours garden to die. Can't stop thinking that she died alone and that I didn't even know about it. But it's that image I cannot get out of my head. Her being lifted up, no longer with us, being placed in a box and carried away.

Have barely slept.

 

[Diana_]

The images can haunting. I'm so sorry you're going through so much at once. If you wouldn't mind, I would like to pray for you. It's just so much all at once.

 

[missmarls]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you have people around you that understand your grief. I am still devastated over the loss of our beautiful dog in January, she passed at home shortly before we got up in the morning...my DH found her and screamed (she had been his best friend for 14 years), even though she was at home, she was still alone and that will always haunt me. It helped me to think of all the dumbass things she used to do to make us laugh, I had some laugh/cries at work and that definately helped. My first day back at work (I work at a vet hospital) one of the animals farted and I started crying and laughing because the absolute stink reminded me of her!

 

[Mrs G]

Hey CS. I am so sorry to hear your news. After everything else, you don't deserve this. I hope no-one minds me posting this here, but after my cat died a few years ago (he really was my fur baby) I found this and it gave me some comfort.

"Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown... "


Kath xx

 

[Brambletess]

I am not sure if this will help but cats prefer to go away on their own and slip away. Its just something they do and they often will go into a neighbours garden or somewhere private. Its what they feel most comfortable with so don't think of her as being alone because it was how she wanted it. It really was a good way for her to go, under a tree and peacefully. The woods also sounds like a lovely place to be at rest and you can always wander there and remember her. I cried for my Mums cat when he died recently, same as your cat, under a bush in the field at the back of the house - its normal and healthy to grieve our pets but recognise that everything is going to be tougher for you at the moment and let it take as long as it needs to and don't ignore deeper feelings connected to your miscarriage. Thinking of you x

 

[noddysgirl84]

I'm so sorry for your losses CurlySue

Mrs G - That is really beautiful!!

xxxx

 

[MrsF]

Curlysue, i'm so very for the loss of your cat and am sending you huge thoughts and hugs x x x x

I'm not sure if this will help, but my dog, my best friend, died on me 5 weeks ago and i struggled for a while to deal with it. I sent a text to all my friends and family and instead of having a funeral, we asked everybody to light a candle at 9pm on a certain day to send him on his way to Rainbow Bridge. At 8.55 our cat came home and watched us light all of our lanterns and candles, and just after 9 i had photos and messages come through of other people's candles. It may sound sad or daft to some, but having that half an hour to say a proper goodbye and remember him for all he brought to me throughout the years helped.

I bought a keepsake tin and put his lead, collar, brush, favourite toy and cards in (and a ball of hair i found two days after he died that i couldnt bear to bin), and theres a dinky photo of him on the front. It sits on the kitchen windowsill and i talk to him everyday. It's hard, but it helps.

I'm thinking of you during this difficult time CS, ((((((((((((((u))))))))))))))

 

[CurlySue]

Thanks for being nice. I really appreciate it. I was on the bus today and i drove past the back of my mum's house. I counted the houses, two down, and i saw where she died. i had to look away. Its like I am torturing myself. She was thirteen. That's a good life. I just looked at a conversion chart and she was pushing 70 in human years. I feel that she was loved. I only had to touch her and she would purr. She lived with a dog who playfully battered her every now and again but no harm was meant. She was not afraid of the dog. I actually think she liked her. She slept on my bed when I lived at home and when I left she slept on my sister's bed.

She refused to eat cat food and ate tuna from a tin, cheese, meat, anything that wasn't cat food and every day she had a saucer of milk.

It's hard not to think of her without tears coming to my eyes and I just feel exhausted, really.

OH and I have agreed that this year is a write off. We lost our twins. We lost our Mindie who may not have lived with us but we loved all the same. My OH's little brother, 7 years old, lost his Daddy. A beloved neighbour died in his sleep. All of these things have happened in the past 3 months.

It just feels like nothing can be good, at the minute. It feels like the whole world is against us.

I so desperately want to pick up my little girl cat and hold her but now I never will, and I am just so, so sad that she died.

 

[obe]

Im so sorry hun, big hugs xx

 

[MrsJD]

What a gorgeous cat CS, so sorry

 

[CurlySue]

My baby, she was My beautiful baby.

 

[CareBear]

Thinking of you CurlySue x

 

[chefamy1122]

You have had one hell of a time these last few months I hope things start looking up for you

 

[CurlySue]

Thanks, chefamy. I hope so too. I think even the strongest of people would struggle with the year we've had.