Just need to vent (awaiting asd apt & genetics results atm)

[Sesity]

Hi all, blubbering to myself here, just want to get this all off my chest

My eldest has just turned 5 and we had his CDC clinic apt last month (reffered by nursery school), the Dr agreed that there is cause for further testing. I'm fine with that, any help and advice is a good thing

So far he's had a hearing test (all fine), a dentist apt to check for abnormalities, and we're awaiting a speech & language appointment, and a 3 hour full test for autism (waiting list is around a year for that one!)

They have also taken blood for genetic testing. We get those results in two weeks and I'm freaking out! If they find something they will test myself and my husband, and I just know it will be from me, and I feel guilty about it already!

What has upset me most was what happened this morning when I took him to school. He wet himself before we got there (he has an hour in the car to get to/from school so understandable) so I go into the class to sort out spare pants etc and a little boy comes up to me and says that my lo is the naughty boy in the class, another boy agreed with him, then a sweet little girl tells me that my lo pushed her over and is a meanie
I often hear kids point my lo out to their parents and say things like "I don't like him" or "he hit me" it happened in nursery too

I feel such a failure, I'm a nursery nurse, always prided myself on teaching good manners and behaviour, and being great with children, how have I raised 'the naughty one'?

The worst part for me personally is that we moved to this area in the summer, and I don't know anyone here socially. I had hoped to make friends at the school gates, but who's going to want a playdate with the horrid boy? They must judge my parenting too.



Sorry to blabber on, I really needed to get it out. There's just no one to talk to here

 

[alibaba24]

In nursery my lo was the one who was branded naughty and and avoided too so I totally sympathise with you. We also had bloods done and the first set was the micro array amongst other things but they have decided not to do single gene testing with her. We are kind of in limbo just now seem to be having a bit of everything. Autism questionnaires . blood tests etc but not that much further forward . thankfully were getting some speech and language input. Try not to think of your child as naughty there may be a reason for his behaviour. I know for us a lack of language skills brought on screaming/lashing out etc x

 

[sequeena]

I feel your pain. My son was once told at a party that they (the child ajd a few others) were going to tell santa to take My son's presents because he was naughty

In that moment I really hated others kids. Irrational but it hurts me so much to hear it. I panic now he's at school that he won't make any friends.

 

[AP]

Have the teachers spoken to you about this? If not, its worthwhile bringing it up with a teacher.

It's likely he isn't "naughty" as such hun, he's probably lashing out because he doesn't know how to react in situations that perhaps overwhelm him, and its important that the school work with you to try and see what would make life a bit easier for your little boy.
That's important for everyone.

 

[PresqueVu]

...I just know it will be from me, and I feel guilty about it already! .....how have I raised 'the naughty one'?

The worst part for me personally is that we moved to this area in the summer, and I don't know anyone here socially. I had hoped to make friends at the school gates, but who's going to want a playdate with the horrid boy? They must judge my parenting too.



Sorry to blabber on, I really needed to get it out. There's just no one to talk to here

to begin with!

I only found out within the last year or so, but my son being on the spectrum will have been through my family - as I'm on the spectrum. But it didn't start with me, it came through other family members. At what point do you say it's *your* fault?

I know it's hard to see it now, but it might help to talk to adults on the spectrum and read more accounts of how they experience things. Neurodiversity has always been here it's just getting picked up a great deal more. There is a rather lovely #autchat on twitter that people contribute to each week which can be very helpful to read.

My Senco had a chat with me recently about the fact that kids like my son will likely not make 'friends' in the same way we understand it until he's older but that it won't be something he will miss. He definitely connects to people, plays and shares stories, but he might not have the tea parties and meetups in the same sense. They don't miss out.

The adult interaction is a hard one, I do find that difficult. I've made attempts to reach out but they do get rebuffed. But my son isn't the one hurt by that - he knows he is loved. He isnt a naughty child, but he does make bad choices and often due to being overwhelmed by situations or emotions. He has a lot more to process than most kids and doesn't always make the same connections.

I'd be tempted to say you'd have more luck making friends in a safer/neutral environment for him - at the playparks or any regular classes or meetups? Helps you get used to your new area as well

 

[Eternal]

Its so hard, I am sorry you are going through it. I am in the same boat with regarding my son being "the naughty one" ... its so so hard. Hugs x

 

[bananabump]

Just wanted to send lots of hugs as I'm going through exactly the same with my 4 year old. It's heartbreaking to hear children saying things like that about your child isn't it. I even got called into his preschool last year because a mother had complained that her son was too scared to go to preschool because of mine! My son is the most gentle, loving and caring boy but has a speech delay and disorder aswell as recently being diagnosed as being on the spectrum so when he lashes out its genuinely because he can't express himself properly or doesn't understand a situation. The other parents don't seem to understand that though and I'm very much alone in the playground before and after school. It's all such a shame.