kind of random.. *rant..ish*

[ShelbyLee]

My cousin and his girlfriend anounced about two months ago that they were having a baby she was less than a month and was very excited.. picking the perfect dr. etc.

a few weeks later she miscarried. and was upset for i swear like a day.. not even upset like pissed off.. idk how i would feel.. ive never gone through it.. *knock on wood*. but it seems like i would be upset for more then a day..

but that next weekend and every weekend since then she posts on facebook all of the parties and drinkng and "fun" she always has. and its even on her days off of work durring the week..

I think that she got over it quickly and i know that everyone copes differently but shes not 21 and is out carelessly drinking her self stupid every weekend..

is it wrong to be angry with her?? i just cant stand reading and seeing all of the pictures that are posted on my news feed...

 

[debsxhim]

Maybe thats her way of coping. Im not 21 but when I went through a tough time a while ago (not with the M/C, but in general) I would drink and stuff. A lot. And I would feel better, but it really masked it. Maybe she does the same thing? Its possible shes careless and isn't thinking too though.

 

[ShelbyLee]

I think its her way to deal with it.. i wish she would just talk about it though.. im afraid she is going to do something to hurt herself..

idk maybe im just worried about her.

 

[ablacketer]

sounds to me more like she is choosing not to deal with it at all.

 

[SarahhhLouise]

someone i know who los the baby will sometimes write on their status how much they miss their baby and the next time it will be getting wrecked tnyt. i just nthink its her way of dealing with it, i know she is still grieving though, but as i know some days are harder than others and some days you dont want to deal with it xxx

 

[Pixxie]

I think its her way of dealing with the grief xx

 

[Desi's_lost]

Honestly, if I had lost the baby, I would probably have reacted similarly.

 

[MissMamma]

sounds to me more like she is choosing not to deal with it at all.

this is exactly how i react to horrible stuff tbh. I'm crap at dealing with things and i think i would react similarly. There's not much you can do hun, anything you try to say or do will probs just be seen as preaching. Try not to worry about her, you don't need that right now! I'm sure she will realise she's not dealing with her situ properly soon enough and hopefully will seek help, or atleast someone to help her cope with it better..xx

 

[fantastica]

That's what I did! A few friends knew first time, then no-one but OH and parents...and all the time it's only ever been OH to know just how upset I was, no-one else would've had a clue anything was even happening. Maybe she just wants to try and move on and deal with it her own way? I know it probably appears like she's not bothered, but deep down i'm sure she is hurting...but then again even if she isn't...it's hers to feel that way. x

 

[AngelzTears]

Well as horrible as it may sound, I'd rather a friend react that way then the way my mom did when she had a miscarriage. She was depressed for at least a year, couldn't deal with it. That kind of sadness makes everyone around that person sad, you know? So, yeah, your friend may be getting "over it" quickly but I think bouncing back fast is something you should hope for her rather than be angry at her for.

 

[rainbows_x]

I was kind of the same after my miscarriage to be honest. I just couldn't take it in, only OH & a couple friends knew I was pregnant so I didn't really have anyone to talk to about it.
I did go out drinking more and kind of distanced myself from everything else, I also went into I guiess slight depression, blaming myself for everything. It was really tough for me and my OH.
She may just be putting on a front and trying to act strong, she sounds like she needs support. x

 

[Marlarky]

She might not have humanized the baby. If she was less than a month and only knew for a little bit, it might not have kicked in all the way to her and when she miscarriaged, it didnt feel like she really had a baby inside her. I didn't believe I really had a baby inside of me until I saw my 13 week emergency scan!!

 

[~Mummy~]

It might be that she's just not showing how upset she is about it. Some people cope with difficulties that way. I used to be a lot like that when I was younger, you'd always see me laughing and joking but I was pretty depressed deep down.

Each person deals with loss differently and who's to say what the right way of grieving is?

 

[ShelbyLee]

Yeah i understand i guess.. but i dont know what to say to her.. I kind of feel bad like im rubing it her face that im having a baby and she lost hers.. thats horrible to say but i think when i see her it is going to be really awkward..

 

[maaybe2010]

It is definately her way of dealing with it or not dealing with it.
It'll be her chance to forget about all the pain.

I hardly drank in the whole year and a half we were trying to get pregnant but when I lost the baby I thought f*ck it I'm going to have a drink!
Not to mention all my friends and I turned 21 so there's been plently of celebrations going on helps to take your mind off it

Oh we're in the UK so we've been legal to drink since 18

 

[17thy]

Sounds like she's self medicating to me. And probably in somewhat of a denial. Maybe pretending like the pregnancy didn't even happen. Its a traumatic thing to go through.

 

[happyandy]

I am just curiously lurking in this forum, as I'm 32 years old, and far from being a teenager anymore (ha!) but I just wanted to weigh in on this. I had my first pregnancy in November of last year, and miscarried very early. It didn't bother me much, even though we were actively trying to get pregnant. Some people just aren't as emotionally charged when it happens as others. I think you should probably let her be and not talk to her about it. I know when it happened to me, I had no desire to talk to anyone about it. I just wanted to forget about it.

 

[maaybe2010]

I just re-read this, she was under a month? So her period wasn't even late. . . ?
I would probably handle that differently to a MC after a missed period, I think I would be less upset. . .

 

[malia]

That's exactly how I reacted. I don't know why, it was just the easiest way to forget about how upset I was I guess. It wasn't a good method for dealing with it, it just postponed the grief and it hit me really hard later on. Hopefully that won't happen to her

 

[sequeena]

Everyone copes differently. I was devastated and showed it. This may be her coping mechanism.