Lack of hope

[Goolia]

Hi all, I am new here but wanted to see if anyone had any thoughts about this.

I am 38 (just turned) and ttc #1. I have never been pregnant before, as far as I know. My S.O. has also never gotten anyone pregnant (as far as he knows as well, hah). So we're very much in the mindset of "is it even remotely possible for us to get pregnant?"

Before 35, I was not in the place where I could have had a baby, for a variety of complex reasons. I assumed that as long as I got my act in gear before 40, I wouldn't face any age-related fertility issues. I know - I was very ignorant back then!

Since ttc in earnest these last couple of months, I have been doing my research about how my age affects my fertility, and I have become overwhelmed by the amount of "bad news" out there about trying to get pregnant at the age of 38.

I never imagined my chances would be so affected by age alone. (I am otherwise healthy, average weight, no history of gyno issues, regular periods etc). I thought that health made most of the difference, but it seems chronological age matters more than anything else. And it's the one thing I obviously cannot do anything about.

I know there are women who get pregnant at my age and have healthy babies. But it seems like they are the exception, rather than the rule, based on everything I have read.

It all looks so gloomy and hopeless from looking at the stats - and we only just started trying! I am suddenly very scared of going down what now seems like a path that is more likely than not to end in failure.

I know this is a very pessimistic post and I am not normally like this. I have being doing all of the things they say to do - bbt charting, I just bought an opk and pre-seed etc. I have cut out caffeine and booze (mostly). But there is still a part of me that is now thinking "None of that will really matter - all that matters is that your eggs are old."

I guess I am just wondering if anyone else out there has faced these fears and how did they cope with the knowledge that age-related infertility is a genuinely real thing past 35 (but especially past 37)? Did it make you scared to try? How did/do you stay positive when all the info out there seems to predict doom-and-gloom?

I know for me there wasn't really any other choice, but I can't help but feel stupid for waiting until it was "too late."

Thanks for reading this long post and any advice or words of wisdom would be most appreciated!

 

[goddess25]

Its not too late. I am sure that once you get to know your body and recognise signs of fertility you are going to be just fine.

Its tough but I am sure it will go well. There are many reasons to be positive, the books go on about statistics etc that scare us but try not to concentrate on it too much.

Its hard being classes in a higher risk category because of maternal age and I hated it being listen as a elderly mother.

I am sure its not too late. Its good to be responsible and wait until you can emotionally and physically look after your children.

Where in Vancouver are you?

 

[Indigo77]

Stop reading and start banging....

.......

 

[MummaChops]

Stop reading all the negative stuff. You have only been trying for two months. Give it another 4 months before going to the doctor. You just may very well be the exception!

 

[LancyLass]

Hi Goolia!
I can't really offer you any reassurance, but I know EXACTLY how you feel. We started TTC about 5 months ago (but it's flown by and I still feel like we've only just started really).

The only even more negative thing I've been thinking is that I'm resentful towards DH that we waited so long. To be fair I wasn't really sure I was ready for kids up until now either (also for a variety of complex reasons!) but I have been saying to him for about the last 5 years "we really need to discuss this you know and decide what we want. I'm not getting any younger..." He just kept saying "Oh it'll be fine. Everyone has kids in their late 30s and 40s these days."

I'm 37 and he is 33 so that didn't help as it's taken him longer to feel it's the right time.

I've found this forum has helped - just having the camaraderie and support - and somewhere to vent when you're feeling like this!! So get stuck in (in every way possible and join us!)

 

[readyformore]

Yes, it is scary when you think you're running out of time.

If age was the ONLY factor when it came to conception, then I wouldn't have had problems with infertility at 24.

There's nothing you can do about your age right now. You can't turn back the clock. It sounds like you're on the right track and being proactive.

 

[Goolia]

Its not too late. I am sure that once you get to know your body and recognise signs of fertility you are going to be just fine.

Its tough but I am sure it will go well. There are many reasons to be positive, the books go on about statistics etc that scare us but try not to concentrate on it too much.

Its hard being classes in a higher risk category because of maternal age and I hated it being listen as a elderly mother.

I am sure its not too late. Its good to be responsible and wait until you can emotionally and physically look after your children.

Where in Vancouver are you?

Thank you for your reassuring reply! I am Southeast Vancouver

 

[Goolia]

Hi Goolia!
I can't really offer you any reassurance, but I know EXACTLY how you feel. We started TTC about 5 months ago (but it's flown by and I still feel like we've only just started really).

The only even more negative thing I've been thinking is that I'm resentful towards DH that we waited so long. To be fair I wasn't really sure I was ready for kids up until now either (also for a variety of complex reasons!) but I have been saying to him for about the last 5 years "we really need to discuss this you know and decide what we want. I'm not getting any younger..." He just kept saying "Oh it'll be fine. Everyone has kids in their late 30s and 40s these days."

I'm 37 and he is 33 so that didn't help as it's taken him longer to feel it's the right time.

I've found this forum has helped - just having the camaraderie and support - and somewhere to vent when you're feeling like this!! So get stuck in (in every way possible and join us!)

Thank you so much! Funny, I can totally relate to the resentment thing, because that was one of the issues with my S.O. and I - and he kept saying the same thing as your DH! He still thinks because I look younger than my years (or so I have been told by many people) and am healthy, that has to mean something in terms of my fertility. I have tried to explain it all to him, but yeah....more education is needed I think!

I have a feeling we're not alone in this, in the sense that there is this myth out there that it's easy as pie to get pregnant in your late 30's/early 40's.

But yes, thank you....knowing I am not the only one is very helpful!

 

[oldbirdni]

Sweetheart never ever give up hope , I'm 44 and got pregnant naturally in June sadly it wasnt to be, but I'm ready to go again , can I suggest having q read on the pregnant over 35 forum and you'll see lots of ladies who are older than you who are gonna be mums , believe me I intend getting back on that forum ASAP !! Please don't read all the neg stuff because it may be text book stuff but over on the other forum there is real proof that age is only a number. ,good lu ck stay positive and sending you hugs and baby dust xxx

 

[SuperAwesome]

Take a deep breath and...relax. Don't focus on the horror stories and the scary stats or you'll wind up so stressed--and stress doesn't do a body any good. Loads of 35+ women have babies all the time, without much (or even any) hassle.

Give it six months. Then take it from there.

Good luck! *HUG*

 

[Garnet]

I had my last baby at 40 so I think 38 is young! Good luck...