littleANDlost
Mummy to a Little Darling
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- Jun 30, 2011
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Our Story
It had taken a year and 9 months of trying to fall pregnant after losing our angel at 20w4d back in 2009, i had worried the whole time that there was something wrong with me and this was why i couldn't carry Lily full term and why i wasn't falling pregnant. When i did fall pregnant i immediately started to worry i would fail at it again and every little twinge had us calling the midwife and visiting the hospital. once i got to 24 weeks i calmed down a little, but deep down i was preparing myself for the worst still, just in case. At 31 weeks we had a scare as i started to have contractions, these lasted 36 hours but stopped, and after a few days of monitoring we were realised from hospital, i spent the next 9 weeks getting ready for our arrival.
Our Birth
Saturday 3rd March
I had spent most of the week before my due date doing everything i could to try to get LO here as i did not want to go overdue. I'd been on long walks everyday, eaten two whole pineapples, had spicy meals each night and lived on my birthing ball. I'd had no signs though and on Saturday Morning my OH had gone to training and left me in bed. I was still there when he got back at 12 and even though we had not done the DTD since our scare at 31 weeks (doctors orders) had some couple time (haha) once he got back.
At 2 that afternoon i started to lose my plug. It was lovely and mucusey with a tint of blood. This got us excited but i knew it didn't really mean anything so tried not to think on it to much. We went to blockbusters thats afternoon and got 3 films, they where due back on the 6th March, my due date, and i joked that they may end up being late back not really thinking it would be true.
Sunday 4th Mach
at 2am I gotten woken in the night but a pain in my lower back, when it had passed a lay there waiting and 15 minutes latter another one came. I laid there all night counting the minuets between each one and at 6am my OH finally woke up, i told him i thought i was having contractions and had been having them all night, he told me that was nice and rolled over and went back to sleep, typical.
By 8 am the contractions seem to have become less frequent and less painful and i started to think nothing would happen. OH finally woke up properly and got a little excited
All day the contractions stayed and started to pick up again, they were coming every 15 minutes again and by 8pm where every 10 minutes and quite painful. At 10pm we called the hospital who told me i still had a long way to go and until i was having at least 3 every 10 minutes to stay at home.
Monday 5th March
I spent 4 hours on my hands and knees in our living room breathing through contractions until i couldn't take the pain anymore and they were only 2 minutes apart and lasting over a minute each. We called the hospital again and were told they only had one bed free but to come straight in. at 2am we arrived and got shown to a room
I was examined and told i was only 2cm dilated and i was devastated, i had started contracting 24 hours before hand and was in a lot of pain now. She said they were strong contractions and coming very quickly so i was on the right track and she thought things would speed along now so i could stay but it was to early for gas and air and i could only have Diamorphine or Pethidine, both of which i had decided i didn't want beforehand. Pain relief wise all i wanted was gas and air. I'd written a birth plan and was confident i could cope with out anything else.
I spent the night walking round the room, kneeling on the bed and bouncing on the birthing ball while the pain got worse. We knew that LO was back to back and the pain in my lower back was beyond anything i had ever imagined.
At 8am i was examined again, contractions were still 2 mins apart but now lasting more than 2 mins each time, i was sure i would be at least 6cm now. It broke me to hear i was still only 2cms. I cried then for the first time.
The pain was getting to me so i agreed to the Pethidine. One jab and half and hour latter and i was away with the fairies. I could still feel the pain but it made it easier to cope with it (maybe because i was so out of it).
Things start to get blurry here, I'm not sure if it was the drugs or if the pain just got to much but i only have little bits of memory from now on. Some when that morning my waters broke all over the floor, We were asked to mop it up ourselves until a midwife could come take care of it, no one ever did. I remember my OH rubbing my back and saying he could feel LO's head poking out of it and the midwife saying that it was fine.
At about 4pm i told them i felt like i needed to push, that i was squeezing down there with each contractions as it felt like if i didn't she would just fall out. The midiwfe looked and said she thought she could see the head so examined me again. Sadly it was not the head she saw. My baby was coming down at the wrong angle and was behind my cervix pushing my virginal wall down making the gap even small and the reason why i was in so much pain, she was trying to come through my virginal wall rather than out through my opening cervix, which was only 4cms wide anyway.
And then i remember screaming. apparently i screamed from about 4pm till 8pm none stop. i don't remember this at all. I got given gas and air but this just made me feel lightheaded and sick. At 8pm i asked for an epidural.
One very long needle and an hour later i was much much calmer and falling asleep. I was 8cm by then and told i should have my baby by midnight. however about an hour after i had it done the midwifes started to get a little worried that my baby wasn't moving. they got the doctor to check who said she was fine and just tired, but she didn't think i would be able to push her out without assistance and we spoke about forceps. I was totally against these. they were the one thing in my birthing plan that was a complete no with no exception, but the doctor said that both the baby and myself were extremely tired and baby was at the wrong angle and backtoback so could easily become distressed if pushing went on for too long, if i couldn’t push her out, which no one thought i would be able to do, it was them or a c section, so i agreed if it came to it and baby showed signs of distress i would let them use them.
at 12 am i was examined again and told i was 10cm but babies head was still stuck behind the cervix lip, they said they would wait 2 more hours for baby to come down more and free herself, at 2 am there was no change and the doctor was called back in to try and move the baby manually so she was free. She had no success and babies heartbeat started to drop. She told me they had to get her out now and i would need a c section.
Tuesday 6th March
They prepped me and took me down the theatre. My OH joined and at 4.06am they pulled Olivia out of my belly, everything was silent. She did not cry, for what seemed like a life time she did not cry. She wasn't breathing and the midwifes and doctors were trying to clear her airways. I screamed at some doctor who was next to me if she was alright and she would not answer me but finally she started to breath and cry and the relief sent me over the edge and i cried myself like a baby.
It turned out that she was a lot more stuck then they had realised, her head was to far down and she was pulled out of me by her arm, which was bruised very badly and had been cut open by them trying to get to her. She was however fine, other than cuts and bruises she was completely healthy.
we were all taken back to the recovery room where i had some skin to skin time, she breast feed for the first time and was latched to me for an hour.
I had been through hell but it was all worth it. My baby had arrived weighing 7lb11 and was more beautiful then i could have ever imagined.
The one piece of advise i would give to people is to not be stubborn and give into pain relief if you need it. I should have agreed to more pain relief earlier and i would not of had such a hard time of it but i thought i was letting people down by accepting it. i in fact let myself down by not.
And if you have read this far, thankyou, sorry it was so long.
It had taken a year and 9 months of trying to fall pregnant after losing our angel at 20w4d back in 2009, i had worried the whole time that there was something wrong with me and this was why i couldn't carry Lily full term and why i wasn't falling pregnant. When i did fall pregnant i immediately started to worry i would fail at it again and every little twinge had us calling the midwife and visiting the hospital. once i got to 24 weeks i calmed down a little, but deep down i was preparing myself for the worst still, just in case. At 31 weeks we had a scare as i started to have contractions, these lasted 36 hours but stopped, and after a few days of monitoring we were realised from hospital, i spent the next 9 weeks getting ready for our arrival.
Our Birth
Saturday 3rd March
I had spent most of the week before my due date doing everything i could to try to get LO here as i did not want to go overdue. I'd been on long walks everyday, eaten two whole pineapples, had spicy meals each night and lived on my birthing ball. I'd had no signs though and on Saturday Morning my OH had gone to training and left me in bed. I was still there when he got back at 12 and even though we had not done the DTD since our scare at 31 weeks (doctors orders) had some couple time (haha) once he got back.
At 2 that afternoon i started to lose my plug. It was lovely and mucusey with a tint of blood. This got us excited but i knew it didn't really mean anything so tried not to think on it to much. We went to blockbusters thats afternoon and got 3 films, they where due back on the 6th March, my due date, and i joked that they may end up being late back not really thinking it would be true.
Sunday 4th Mach
at 2am I gotten woken in the night but a pain in my lower back, when it had passed a lay there waiting and 15 minutes latter another one came. I laid there all night counting the minuets between each one and at 6am my OH finally woke up, i told him i thought i was having contractions and had been having them all night, he told me that was nice and rolled over and went back to sleep, typical.
By 8 am the contractions seem to have become less frequent and less painful and i started to think nothing would happen. OH finally woke up properly and got a little excited
All day the contractions stayed and started to pick up again, they were coming every 15 minutes again and by 8pm where every 10 minutes and quite painful. At 10pm we called the hospital who told me i still had a long way to go and until i was having at least 3 every 10 minutes to stay at home.
Monday 5th March
I spent 4 hours on my hands and knees in our living room breathing through contractions until i couldn't take the pain anymore and they were only 2 minutes apart and lasting over a minute each. We called the hospital again and were told they only had one bed free but to come straight in. at 2am we arrived and got shown to a room
I was examined and told i was only 2cm dilated and i was devastated, i had started contracting 24 hours before hand and was in a lot of pain now. She said they were strong contractions and coming very quickly so i was on the right track and she thought things would speed along now so i could stay but it was to early for gas and air and i could only have Diamorphine or Pethidine, both of which i had decided i didn't want beforehand. Pain relief wise all i wanted was gas and air. I'd written a birth plan and was confident i could cope with out anything else.
I spent the night walking round the room, kneeling on the bed and bouncing on the birthing ball while the pain got worse. We knew that LO was back to back and the pain in my lower back was beyond anything i had ever imagined.
At 8am i was examined again, contractions were still 2 mins apart but now lasting more than 2 mins each time, i was sure i would be at least 6cm now. It broke me to hear i was still only 2cms. I cried then for the first time.
The pain was getting to me so i agreed to the Pethidine. One jab and half and hour latter and i was away with the fairies. I could still feel the pain but it made it easier to cope with it (maybe because i was so out of it).
Things start to get blurry here, I'm not sure if it was the drugs or if the pain just got to much but i only have little bits of memory from now on. Some when that morning my waters broke all over the floor, We were asked to mop it up ourselves until a midwife could come take care of it, no one ever did. I remember my OH rubbing my back and saying he could feel LO's head poking out of it and the midwife saying that it was fine.
At about 4pm i told them i felt like i needed to push, that i was squeezing down there with each contractions as it felt like if i didn't she would just fall out. The midiwfe looked and said she thought she could see the head so examined me again. Sadly it was not the head she saw. My baby was coming down at the wrong angle and was behind my cervix pushing my virginal wall down making the gap even small and the reason why i was in so much pain, she was trying to come through my virginal wall rather than out through my opening cervix, which was only 4cms wide anyway.
And then i remember screaming. apparently i screamed from about 4pm till 8pm none stop. i don't remember this at all. I got given gas and air but this just made me feel lightheaded and sick. At 8pm i asked for an epidural.
One very long needle and an hour later i was much much calmer and falling asleep. I was 8cm by then and told i should have my baby by midnight. however about an hour after i had it done the midwifes started to get a little worried that my baby wasn't moving. they got the doctor to check who said she was fine and just tired, but she didn't think i would be able to push her out without assistance and we spoke about forceps. I was totally against these. they were the one thing in my birthing plan that was a complete no with no exception, but the doctor said that both the baby and myself were extremely tired and baby was at the wrong angle and backtoback so could easily become distressed if pushing went on for too long, if i couldn’t push her out, which no one thought i would be able to do, it was them or a c section, so i agreed if it came to it and baby showed signs of distress i would let them use them.
at 12 am i was examined again and told i was 10cm but babies head was still stuck behind the cervix lip, they said they would wait 2 more hours for baby to come down more and free herself, at 2 am there was no change and the doctor was called back in to try and move the baby manually so she was free. She had no success and babies heartbeat started to drop. She told me they had to get her out now and i would need a c section.
Tuesday 6th March
They prepped me and took me down the theatre. My OH joined and at 4.06am they pulled Olivia out of my belly, everything was silent. She did not cry, for what seemed like a life time she did not cry. She wasn't breathing and the midwifes and doctors were trying to clear her airways. I screamed at some doctor who was next to me if she was alright and she would not answer me but finally she started to breath and cry and the relief sent me over the edge and i cried myself like a baby.
It turned out that she was a lot more stuck then they had realised, her head was to far down and she was pulled out of me by her arm, which was bruised very badly and had been cut open by them trying to get to her. She was however fine, other than cuts and bruises she was completely healthy.
we were all taken back to the recovery room where i had some skin to skin time, she breast feed for the first time and was latched to me for an hour.
I had been through hell but it was all worth it. My baby had arrived weighing 7lb11 and was more beautiful then i could have ever imagined.
The one piece of advise i would give to people is to not be stubborn and give into pain relief if you need it. I should have agreed to more pain relief earlier and i would not of had such a hard time of it but i thought i was letting people down by accepting it. i in fact let myself down by not.
And if you have read this far, thankyou, sorry it was so long.
