Looking for advice

[sharpie8383]

Does anyone have any advice on how to get your husband on board with conceiving? We have been trying for 4 years. After numerous conversations I thought he was on board but I can't get him to understand that there is a certain period of time when you have to do it in order to actually concieve. I have PCOS, fibroids, a cyst, and endo so it is more difficult than if I didn't have any issues. Any time I've tried to talk to him and explain things the only response I can get out of him is that he doesn't want it to feel like a job. He doesn't like me to tell him when that fertile week is because it is a turn off he says...I don't know what to do. I feel like he wants to have kids but he doesn't want to put in any effort. He doesn't initiate anything and I'm lucky if anything happens twice a month but its never during the fertile period. Now he is using the fact that I pulled a tick off of him to hold off on a baby. He wants to wait...I just don't know what to do or say anymore. I don't want to keep putting it off because it took my mom 14 years to have me and if it takes that long I'll be 45...any advice is appreciated.

 

[Skye Leigh]

Maybe just don't tell him when your fertile days are and don't fill him in with all of the things you're doing TTC? When you know it's your fertile time, just initiate with DTD with him and don't mention that it's fertile time or any of that stuff. Some men feel pressured and can't handle TTC details. They want to conceive they just can't handle the details. He sounds like the type who doesn't want to know the details, he just wants the end results. You don't have to lie to him, just don't mention fertile days or ovulation stuff unless he asks. For him it's TMI and it makes him feel pressured. I don't think that you have to actually get him to want to conceive, he seems like he already does, it's the details of making it happen that he doesn't like. It's like if you don't know anything about cars and he does, and you just want him to fix the car but he wants to go over with you all of the details and inner workings of the parts of the car and you are thinking, will you just fix the car. LOL

 

[BSN2MOM]

It's like if you don't know anything about cars and he does, and you just want him to fix the car but he wants to go over with you all of the details and inner workings of the parts of the car and you are thinking, will you just fix the car. LOL

LOL! I do think maybe this is pretty close to the truth here. Some dudes feel pressure if DTD is only for baby making. I know it must be very difficult to not be able to tell him details or share with him your concerns and I hope you can find support here. I know I can't hide anything from my DH, the last few months when I'm crying he knows why (BFNs) and we've been able to share concerns. In your case, if you know it's your fertile week just set the mood but don't mention babies. I hope things work out for you!

 

[QueenCheshire]

I hear you! My DH has been going through some severe stress lately and throw TTC for 10 months on top of that and he's kinda sick of hearing about when my ovulation is, when we should be DTD, how I'm feeling, if I'm out of ovulation/pregnancy tests, etc. I really WANT him to connect with me emotionally about this since it's our first and I want to be excited but even though he IS excited about having kids I have to remember....he's not a woman, he's not GOING to be feeling the same as I about getting preggo. Yeesh. Men.

So! At this point I think I agree with Skye and BSN2MOM, perhaps don't share when you're ovulating for a while. Come on here instead and chat with us about it! I'm all about supporting each other, especially when we're going through the same thing!

Lots of luck to you!

 

[tcinks]

I agree with these ladies. And that's why I think boards like this are great, because you can share all the details with other women who understand and ask all the technical questions, so DH isn't bored/stressed about it. I'm sorry it's been such a struggle to get him on board, my husband actually likes knowing EVERY little detail. But that's just his personality in general. Just try to take a more relaxed approach when dealing with him, and get on here to vent frustration/ask for help with timing/etc. I know there are lots of women who can relate and offer support.

 

[eegor]

Sitting here nodding my head at PP's. I know my DH wants to be involved and know stuff, but I wait for him to ask. He's said the pressure of knowing it's game time scares the old fella and he doesn't work right.

 

[sharpie8383]

Thank you for your replies...I'll have to try what you have suggested. It does seem like its a little bit of stage freight haha. I need to try to get on here more often because just from what I've read I'm not the only one feeling the things I feel and you ladies will at least get meand not think I'm crazy