Looking for some advice/support after miscarriage

[Jane39]

Hi

Came across this site in my search for answers. I had a miscarriage on Monday, blighted ovum. I was 8 weeks pregnant. My husband and I were on our honeymoon in Italy when it happened. It was one of the most traumatic experiences I've gone through as I don't speak Italian and basically none of the medical staff spoke english. I went through the 'delivery' after they gave me gel to stimulate the cervix. Surgical intervention was not promoted. I had 6 and a half hours of intense pain, with only 2 paraceamols for pain relief! I don't mean to on about it but really struggling to come to terms with what happened and what I went through.

I've been to see my own dr, but I'm still in a lot of pain and exhausted. The pain just seems constant. Is this normal? I know as well that I'll be upset, but finding it difficult to talk to my husband as I know hes finding it difficult as well.

Sorry for going on, but struggling for answers.

Thanks, Jane

 

[rachjim98]

Oh Jane I am so sorry for you and your DH's loss

I cant imagine how traumatic that must have been thinking you are going to celebrate what is such a important event your Honeymoon and then lose a baby. Let alone be in a strange country where you cant understand anyone. That is just awful

I believe the cramps are from your uterus contracting back to normal size and yes it can be very painful. Maybe you should ask your Dr. for some pain relief?

As for your DH, men handle things very different they we do and they tend to shut down instead of open up. You two need time to be together and time to wrap your heads around what just happened. Just don't take it out on each other be there for him and make sure you let him in as well.

And take care of yourself you have been through a very terrible ordeal and it takes time to accept and even begin to move forward after a loss like this.
Again I am so so sorry for all you have been through and if you would like to talk I am here as well as all these other wonderful ladies. We have all been through the loss of a baby and understand right where you are

Rach

 

[Jane39]

Hi Rach

Thanks so much for that. Its the first time I've fully said how awful it was, too busy trying to make sure that everyone else is ok and they don't need to worry about me!

Jane

 

[haaza123]

Hey,
So sorry for your loss, what your feeling is very understandable.

The pain is normal, the early pregnancy unit gave me Dicloflex and co-codamol for pain relief. Maybe if you tell the doctor about the pain they may give you something for the pain. For a couple of my other mc's they told me to take paracetamol.

Hot baths and hot water bottles are good for pain too.

Everyone's here to talk.
xxx

 

[franky]

i am so sorry for your loss,it must have been so traumatic x

I live in paisley also, I had a mc at almost 10 weeks and it was horrific.

what you should do is phone the early pregnancy unit at the rah, your doc should be able to give you the number and they are so nice there and they will be able to give you all the advice you need. if you are still worried about the pain then they will ask you to come in and check you over

If you need to talk feel free to pm me

xxx

 

[babytots]

jane so sorry for your loss hun you have come to the right place though.

i'm really sorry to hear you had a traumatic experience after having the gel. my first loss was a natural miscarriage though i was having major contractions throughout and all i was offered was paracetamol it was horrible. must of been so hard to have to go through that in a foreign country too.you poor thing.

i'm sorry your finding it hard to talk to your husband after my first loss i did too but give it time and you will find it does get easier and you both can talk. after my 2nd loss we found it much easier to talk about things as we learnt from last time. this time round (i lost my daughter at 19 weeks) we have gone back to not talking about things i guess my partner thinks if he doesnt talk about it he doesnt think about it if that makes sense. so your not alone in feeling like this hunni.

if you ever need to moan,rant or cry we are always here with a sympathetic ear. x

 

[Jane39]

Hi

I'm so sorry for your loss. Still not spoken about it, though had a cry in the shower, where no one could hear me! Still in quite a lot of physical pain, and telling myslef that once I've dealt with the physical pain I'll deal with the emotional side.

What I'm also finding difficult is that friends are offering support through texts, but feel like I'm being avoided. We came home on Tuesday night and my best friend still hasn't come round to see me, lots of supportive texts but no visits! If I had my baby friends would have been round straight away, but cause I've lost my baby I feel I'm being avoided. Is this normal???

Thanks for listening x

 

[trainingdoc]

So sorry for your loss Jane, and also for the lack of understanding from your friends. A text can't exactly give you that huge hug you need right now, can it? Unfortunately, neither can we really, it's just more words that don't fill the void.

On the subject of the physical pain, can you describe it? Is it constant or come and goes in waves? and is it sharp or dull? It is normal to have a certain amount of pain afterwards, but if it is stopping you from managing basic things like walking or sleeping then you should definitely get more painkillers, and possibly get checked out to make sure everything is ok. If your GP is not being helpful, then you can always call NHS 24 and they'll send you to gynae emergency admissions any time day or night.

On what the Italian medics did for you, the gel was the correct thing for 8weeks, here they suggest the surgical option from 9 to 13 weeks because this is when the placenta is forming. Before this, the baby is too small, there is a chance of them missing it with the sugical option. Obviously they did a horrific job on the pain killers and explaining things to you, there's nothing I can say to make that ok.

Hope this has helped a little with your practical questions. If you have any more then I'm happy to help either on this thread or if you PM me.