Loss @ 15 weeks...want to try again, but still suffering

[Esperanzada]

On July 20th, I had to deliver my baby boy @ 15/16 weeks...there were so many uneplained things happening throughout the pregnancy, but the baby was always healthy and growing at each visit and scan. Finally out of my 3rd trimester and happy to be coming out of the danger zone and nauseos phase,not able to keep anything down, I felt a gush one night and went to the bathroom...the next morning I went for my ultrasound...to my husband & I's dismay, I had no fluid left, my water had broken. My baby was still alive though, heart beating strong...
They wanted to immediately sent me to the hospital for a D&C, but chose not to as my baby was still alive inside of me...we had hope that somehow the sac could heal, or if in the worst case scenario, we would allow the loss to come naturally... I went home over the weekend and on Monday morning, I felt something come out of me,, it was the baby's cord. I immediately went to the hospital and found that there was no longer a heartbeat..they began to induce my labor. I had to go through the whole process of delivering my baby boy...
Nothing can describe the pain of this experience...although I was supposed to be completely numb from medication, I felt my little baby come out...I felt him and wanted so much to hold him, but could not and did not dare look at him...dont know if I couldve dealt with that...the doctors told me that although these things happen, that it is somewhat rare for the water to burst @ 15/16 weeks, with no visible signs of cervical distress or infection....my cervix was fine, no infection, all my tests were perfect...
Please, we are considering trying again, but has anyone experienced anything like this before with their water breaking @ 15/16 weeks or so, with the baby still alive with strong heartbeat? I still just cant wrap my mind or my heart around this.....

 

[Esperanzada]

Oh I made a typo, all of this happened coming out of the 1st trimester, not the 3rd...I was 15/16 weeks...also, I have had 2 other successful pregnancies with no complications....I have a daughter and a son....but my baby boy that I have loss...this devastates me, can anyone who has gone through anything like this with their water breaking in the 2nd trimester with their baby still alive..then having to deliver a mc baby....please respond! Loooking for closure.....

 

[notquite]

I'm sorry for your loss I haven't had the experience, but with time you can heal and decide to try again or not... good luck hon

 

[Amygdala]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My baby stopped growing at 8 weeks and I had medical management at 12 so I can't share any experience that would be useful to you. But maybe try here: https://www.babyandbump.com/second-trimester-losses/ I think you're more likely to find people you can relate to and hopefully some answers as well over there. The only advice I have is give yourself time.

 

[nicb26]

this didnt happen to me but didnt want to r&r. i cant imagine how awful this must have been for you lots of
xx

 

[PixiedustLove]

I, in no way, went through something as tramatic as you did, but I too lost my dream of a baby at 15 weeks. The most ridiculous thing that someone told me was "At least it was early on and you weren't showing much or very attached to the baby." Other people said, "It's meant to be. It's a sign that God doesn't want you to have a baby until you're finished with your degree." Oh really? Did He tell you that?

My husband and I have decided to start trying again after the new year, and many people in our families don't agree with our plan. But I say, do whatever you think is best for you, your relationship with your DH, and your family.

I was horribly devistated for a long time, constantly thinking about the baby that I could have had. Then, once my husband and I decided to try again in the near future, it was like I was my old self again. Just the prospect of not trying again soon makes me happy again.

I think what you went through is very sad and tramatic, but rest assured since the doctor told you this is a rare outcome to have. If you guys want to have another baby right now, I say go for it.

(Sorry I wrote so much... but good luck in the future! )