Loss #3 with Cytotec fail as my Xmas present

[LacePrincess]

We found out on Mon Dec 21 that our little bean didn't make it past 6w3d in growth with no hb. We were supposed to be 7w1d.

I was diagnosed mmc. Until the u/s I had nothing that indicated a problem. No spotting, no loss of symptoms, excellent betas. I did everything - ASA, prog support, methylfolate. It still failed.

Our third loss in a row and second in 6 months.

I chose Cytotec to get things going, and RE advised to take it that night to hopefully be done with it all before Christmas Eve. First dose produced some cramping and heavy AF-like flow for a few hours, but then it tapered off by lunch the next day. So I took the second dose 24 hours later. Second dose did absolutely nadda in terms of picking up the bleeding, it's still only light AF level. I did start feeling miserable all day yesterday, no appetite, exhausted, not excruciating pain but just ongoing muscle aches and backache, the kind of low level pain that when dragged on and on just makes you want to die. I was given Percocet but I'm only taking it when I have to since I'm sort of terrified of addiction.

After two doses my cervix is sort of lumpy and soft but 100% closed. ARGGGH. RE rx'ed a refill, and I took the third dose last night. As of early the next morning, I still don't seem to be bleeding much and a few more cramps but that's about it. It looks like after the weekend we'll be headed for the hospital for a D&C.

This. F'ing. SUCKS. I don't understand what I did in a past life to deserve the hell that won't end. Not only did I get our third loss as a Christmas present, but a m/c that won't freaking actually START but physically is giving me just enough symptoms that all I can do is lie on the couch and be miserable all day. So this'll be my damned Christmas week this year. I don't even want to eat anything, so much for comfort food. My boys have been lovely, giving me hugs and kisses even though they have no idea what's really going on, but emotionally I'm devastated and physically I'm completely beat down at this point. Ugh.

So......I guess I just wanted to complain a bit. I feel like just when it can't get worse, it does, sh!t on top of sh!t on top of sh!t. Now I can't even avoid the stupid hospital, and I can only hope I won't have to see any happy pregnant people on my way to having my bean sucked out of me on Monday.

 

[OmarsMum]

so sorry for your losses Hun

My mmc was confirmed 2 days before Eid this year so I know how it feels.

Cytotec didn't work for me, I had several doses for a whole week then I had to go for a D&C.

Big hugs

 

[mummof1]

I just popped over here to give my support to anyone going through a loss over the holidays
I had mine a few months ago now and I still think about it every day, I remember feeling the way you're feeling like it was yesterday .
I hope you have support around you from your family , it helped me to be around my boys as well .
Also, I took misoprostol and it worked immediately for me , I know a few others who took it and it worked right away for them as well.. An option if you don't want to have a D&C.. Although with that, at least it will be over and done with.
I pray that you get your rainbow baby soon

 

[Jean40]

Oh LacePrincess, I just want to hug you right now for going through all this. It's just so unfair.

I also just had a miscarriage. I had FET Nov 3 and when I had my betas, they were really low, 23.5 the highest, then tapered down to 5.1 over a week later, so my doctor didn't need feel a need to do more betas. I had stopped my progesterone and estrogen and did bleed in that time, so I thought that was it. Oh no. I took a HPT early last week and it was positive. The nurse had told me it might take awhile to get the HCG to 0, so I thought that this was an amazing HPT that could detect such a low level of HCG. I was spotting since last Monday, expecting AF, but nothing else happened. Took another HPT early Monday morning and it was positive again. I called the nurse and had a beta done Monday evening, it was 50! Then I had a repeat beta Thursday morning and it was a 40. By that time, I was lightly bleeding. Christmas Eve, it picked up. I woke up Christmas morning with lots of tissue on my pad and bled pretty heavy about half the day. It's not as bad now, but it's still going on. I have to get another beta Monday and have a scan Tuesday, but I think it's all over. I have no idea what happened, but the doctor thinks I still retained fetal tissue after the first bleed. I was told earlier this week that I would need a D&C, but they were waiting to see after all these betas and ultrasounds. It really sucks, but I really don't want a D&C and want to go right into another FET as soon as I can (had to postpone due to holidays, but since I never got the period when expected, I wouldn't have been able to anyway).

 

[LacePrincess]

I just popped over here to give my support to anyone going through a loss over the holidays
I had mine a few months ago now and I still think about it every day, I remember feeling the way you're feeling like it was yesterday .
I hope you have support around you from your family , it helped me to be around my boys as well .
Also, I took misoprostol and it worked immediately for me , I know a few others who took it and it worked right away for them as well.. An option if you don't want to have a D&C.. Although with that, at least it will be over and done with.
I pray that you get your rainbow baby soon

Thanks for the support.

I already took misoprostol - that's what Cytotec is, the misoprostol is the generic form of Cytotec. I took my fourth dose of 4x200mg last night and isn't doing anything much.

I don't love the d&c option but it will be good to get it over with. I would have preferred to pass it without needing a d&c and its risks of scarring, but at least with a d&c it'll all be over faster and I can get on with things.

 

[LacePrincess]

Oh LacePrincess, I just want to hug you right now for going through all this. It's just so unfair.

Jean, I'm so sorry for your loss too.

It is so unfair this time of year. Christmas day was very bittersweet. We had a lovely family day overall, but everything was just tinged with pain.....it made me really feel both spectrums of the human condition, as it were. I loved watching my boys enjoy opening their gifts, but I was also so sad wondering if it was the last time I'd ever get to see this stage, yk? My 'baby' is 6yo and he's growing up SO fast this year. It makes me so so sad I might not be able to have any more.

For me I had NO signs at all that things weren't going perfect. As far as my body was concerned, they were! Perfect bhcg - so high at first they were in twin territory. Big prog numbers. Textbook symptoms. My body wanted this pregnancy and clearly the placenta at least was doing its job well. I had an early scan at 5w4d that was perfect too - sac and yolk sac seen, right on dates.

Somewhere the week after that, the heart just never started beating. My RE is very sure it is chromosomal, and I agree with him. So it goes back to if I can ever make a healthy embryo again. Our issue is MFI morphology (4% on the Kruger) and weak ovulation on my part. I know there's no proof if male morph can cause abnormalities in embryos, but I HIGHLY suspect that's our ongoing problem. It's very frustrating. We're hoping our upcoming ivf next spring with ICSI will make a difference.

I don't think my body has recognized the loss at all. I POAS and it was still as super dark as it ever was, siiiiigh. I hate hospitals but at least a d&c should drop everything fast. LOL my poor hubby, I'll probably be a bitch from hell after the d&c.

 

[LacePrincess]

Update: I did go to the hospital but didn't end up needing a d&c. Despite not much bleeding they said that most of the pregnancy tissue had broken up and passed/absorbed, except for a small amount of non-vascular stuff on the right side that they said should pass on its own. My hcg is only 532 today so it should keep dropping by itself. If it's anything like my loss in Aug, I will have a really horrendous first AF when my cycle returns which should clear it all.

So physically that's good news. Emotionally today SUCKED - apparently the hospital here does not believe in any sensitivity in such an emotionally difficult circumstance. I'm glad I wasn't in a particularly vulnerable mood, as being treated like I was being overly dramatic about such an early loss and having the ER obgyn say "only" regarding my loss would've sent me into hysterics. I find it a little unbelievable that I saw probably 5-6 people by the time I was done and not a single one offered any condolences at all.

I really didn't appreciate the obgyn saying how at such an early loss I couldn't expect much tissue to pass. Okay thanks lady - thanks so much for making me feel like I was making a big deal over nothing. Really?!? Ugh. UGH!

Anyways, it's over. I guess now to wait and see how long it takes my body to reset.

 

[c beary83]

I am so sorry

 

[Jean40]

Wow, how do people like that get jobs in health care?

My beta yesterday was 31, I got an ultrasound that showed nothing visible in tubes or uterus (I would be over 10 weeks based on my FET, so there should be something there if things had gone according to plan). My RE and another doctor discussed my case and said I should go right on over to the hospital across the street and get methotrexate. I agreed with that and was what I wanted to try before a D&C, so about 2 hours after my appointment, I got a shot in both arms of it at the cancer center. The nurse there was very nice and understanding, as was everyone at my RE office. I have to get a beta on Saturday and next Tuesday, then every week until it's down to 0, then I have to wait 6 weeks before starting another FET.

 

[LacePrincess]

Wow, how do people like that get jobs in health care?

Well I know they have to distance themselves so they don't burn out and all, and no one was particularly unkind, just sort of nice but cold, yk? Very professional and not deliberately cruel, but geez.....could NONE of them had at least paid some lip service to my loss? That would have been nice even if totally superficial. Especially at this time of year when already I feel like my loss was invisible and almost all of our friends and family have not said so much as "Sorry for your loss".

I really have no excuse for them either. It's not like they could possibly think this pregnancy was unwanted or an accident - I had my notes and scan reports from my fertility centre! So it was danged obvious how very much wanted this pregnancy was.

I'm glad your experience has been kinder, though I'm very sorry you have to go through this at all. I guess they must be worried about an ectopic in your case if they're giving you methothrexate? Fx that it does the trick and everything will be over soon for you physically very soon.

 

[theiska]

Oh that is such crap! Not expecting much to pass!?!? I started bleeding at 7 weeks last time, sac measured around 5 to early 6 weeks. I had 12-14 hrs of what felt like early labor and passed ALOT. I actually buried what I passed. A dr. told me i wouldn't pass anything... I was so shocked when i started having cramps/contractions. I also bled for 10 days. It's different for everyone, and I wish medical people would tell women that. Your experience with the nurses etc. really rubs me wrong, get my dander up. I had to deal with alot of rude/insensitive medical personnel when I had my mc, too. It's shocking how heartless some people can be. I'm glad you didn't have to have the D&C, though. I was thinking about ya.

 

[LacePrincess]

Oh that is such crap! Not expecting much to pass!?!? I started bleeding at 7 weeks last time, sac measured around 5 to early 6 weeks. I had 12-14 hrs of what felt like early labor and passed ALOT. I actually buried what I passed. A dr. told me i wouldn't pass anything... I was so shocked when i started having cramps/contractions. I also bled for 10 days. It's different for everyone, and I wish medical people would tell women that. Your experience with the nurses etc. really rubs me wrong, get my dander up. I had to deal with alot of rude/insensitive medical personnel when I had my mc, too. It's shocking how heartless some people can be. I'm glad you didn't have to have the D&C, though. I was thinking about ya.

Thanks so much for the kind words. I do seem to pass less than the usual amount when I have a loss.....and isn't it sad that I've had enough that I know how it's going to go for me with an early m/c!

Anywho, my pattern seems to be with all my early losses (5w, 6w4d, and this one at 7w1d) is I bleed no more than a medium-ish pregnancy, then with the first regular AF I get the period from HELL. So I think my body just doesn't like to slough off the thickened lining or something and gets rid of it the next cycle instead. I guess I have a stubborn lining, LOL.

As of today I'm still spotting brown gunk, and I still have faint bfp's. Sigh. I expect it'll all taper off and hopefully will get bfn's by next week. Fx.

Thanks for the support regarding the ER people. I just don't get why a token "I'm sorry" would've been too much to ask. Even if they don't mean it, it just seems like basic human courtesy! It seems super cold that my pregnancy loss had as much significance as a kidney stone.