Lost a twin and feeling guilty......

[Ann-Marie]

This is probably gonna sound a bit silly to some.

I was carrying twins until 3 weeks ago, and after 2 weeks of bleeding, I miscarried one.

I've been ok upto now.... but now that I know for sure that the whole of the twin has gone... I feel a bit guilty for being so excited that Belly-Bean is ok. That's another thing, I call this one BellyBean, and the other didn't even get a nickname.......

As I'm still pregnant, nobody has really commented on the fact that I've lost one, they just say things like 'Oh it happened for a reason', and ' you've still got one thats the main thing', and (and I hate this one) 'Imagine what it would have been like with twins !!!'. Then I have moments when I find myself agreeing with them... twins would have been hard work.... Then I feel more guilty....

Anyways, I just thought that at least if I write something here, that my lost baby has been acknowledged.......

And I'm sorry to those who have lost and not had one child, as you must think I'm so selfish ungrateful for the one that I'm carrying....
aaargh... dunno what else to say... it's just really wierd

 

[SpecialGift89]

Don't feel guilty hun. It's not ur fault the other one couldn't stay with u coz I'm sure u would have loved it just as much. It is a blessing u still have one to cherish and look forward to. It is a testing time for you. Sorta bitter sweet really. Sometimes people don't think before they speak so try to take no notice. I just wish you all the luck with this one and a stress free pregnancy.

 

[Schmelly]

I have just miscarried (first pregnancy), and I don't think you are being selfish at all. I've never been in your situation but it sounds to me like all the things you are feeling are perfectly normal and natural.

You still have to grieve for the baby you have lost, and your remaining baby cannot take away from that. You have every right to feel sad and the fact that you still have one twin left is not some kind of 'consolation prize'.

Having said that, you also still have a right to be overjoyed about your little BellyBean! It's possible to feel conflicting emotions at the same time. Don't be so hard on yourself. Be kind and patient with yourself and give yourself time to cope with your loss without beating yourself up for being excited over the surviving baby.

Big hugs.

 

[BrittBS]

I just miscarried my first pregnancy in January and I don't think you're being selfish at all! Losing a child, is losing a child whether you still have one or not. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I hope you start feeling better soon!

 

[ElliesMum]

I've been in your situation.

Twenty years ago i fell pg and started bleeding at 7 weeks. They gave me a scan and told me i was having twins. Three weeks later i bled heavily again and they gave me another scan. This is when they told me i had lost one. I carried on with the pregnancy and now have a son who is nearly 20 years old!

I had all the same comments that you are getting, "at least you have the other one" and "must have been a blessing in disguise cos two would be so hard to cope with" and much more.

I also felt really guilty about being happy that i still had one baby but looking back it was a natural reaction i'm sure.

Even now though, twenty years later, i wonder what things would have been like and i grieve for the twin that i lost.

You will never forget the baby you lost but concentrate on the one you still have. Give it time and your head will sort itself out.

 

[Spartacus]

Hey hun xx

Sorry to hear your sad news. Unfortunately people don't know what to say and when they do it is the wrong thing as there really is nothing they can say

My cousin was pregnant with twins and she miscarried early on but went on to have a healthy baby boy. I hope that you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy hun and feel free to speak your mind on how your feeling you are entitled to it

lots of hugs sent to you xx

 

[Ann-Marie]

Thankyou so much !!!!!

 

[Rumpskin]

Hi Ann Marie

You must be having such mixed emotions.

Sending you a hug

 

[maybebaby]

I wonder if the same is going to happen with me. The doctor warned me not to be shocked if it does, so I am a bit worried. I go back on 3/17 for my next scan, so I guess I will see then if there are 2 beans or 1.

Either way, sometimes these things happen for medical or other reasons I suppose.

Ann Marie ....

 

[Mynxie]

thinking of you. At the same time you are grieving for your lost child, you are rejoycing at having a child, it's no wonder you're feeling emotional huni xx

 

[Wobbles]

 

[leeanne]

Aww, hon, I am sure it is tough on you. Sending you huge hugs