lost my little man 5 1/2 months ago

[angelmummy]

Hi all. Just joined this forum as wanting to start ttc again, but felt i should put a bit in here too. I am 31 and was expecting my 2nd baby boy in February this year. I got to 39 weeks and everything was great, the pregnancy was text book perfect the same as my first pregnancy, i saw my midwife on the monday morning at 39+5 weeks and she listened to my little mans heartbeat and felt him move and everything was fine. Later that same day i just felt different, i cannot explain it, i felt sick, an overwhelming sense of panic, fear, loss and i just knew something was wrong. i rang the ward and they told me to try all the usual things to get baby to move, ie cold drink, ice cubes, laying down, eating something, but nothing worked, i was so stresse and panic stricken i was prodding my bump gently but nothing happened. normally he would have kicked like mad. i knew then he had gone, i went to hospital in the early hours of the morning 39+6 to be told my little man had passed away. i will never forget the words, sorry your baby had no heartbeat. my whole world fell apart that day. Giving birth, planning a funeral and now visiting his grave. i dont know how i have got through the last nearly 6 months. the 6 month anniversary is looming and i am finding it incredibly hard. my little man who has just turned 2 keeps me going and is my reason for carrying on. noone understands around me and they all just think i am "back to normal now", but i will never be me normal again. just so very very sad. want to ttc but dp is scared and wants to wait. just feel so alone. did not want to scare anyone with this, but just thought i should introduce myself. Hugs to all of you.

 

[sam's mum]

So, so sorry for your loss - I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling, but I just wanted to welcome you to the forum - you'll find some wonderful support here

 

[tillymum]

i am so very very sorry for your loss, I cannot even begin to understand what you must be going through.
Welcome to BnB and I just wanted to send you out a huge

 

[Loo]

I don't know what to say except I am so very sorry for your loss. x

 

[Suzanne]

Seriously I dont know how any woman can deal with this kind of loss! And for people to expect you to be "back to normal" in just 6 months is heartbreaking! Hunny you will grieve for your baby forever, nothing anyone says will take away the hurt and pain your suffering now and in the future, yes it will become less painful, yes there will be days when you can smile and laugh again, but there will NEVER be a day when you dont think about your little man!

You are in good company here within BnB sweetie, some of the ladies here have been through what you have experienced, but many of us have not but we will always still be here for you whenever you want to talk about your loss.

I know you must be scared at the thought of having another baby, but no two pregnancies are the same sweetheart and im sure there is nothing stopping you from going on and having another beautiful baby boy or girl, and you will know when the time is right and when it is we will be with you every step of the way!

Goodluck sweetie and please make sure you pop in and keep us updated on your progress or even if you just want to chat generally

 

[miel]

 

[Blob]

I'm so sorry, its really scary thinking about healthy babies dying like that. I really hope that one day the pain lessens although, i know it wont ever go away, you are obviously a very brave woman.

 

[tansey]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you have the strength to TTC again. The lovely ladies on here will try and support you whatever you decide xx

 

[Newt]

I am so sorry

 

[jacky24]

, im so sorry for your loss, but i can say it does get beter, I am an angel mommy of a little boy called CJ he was stilborn on 37weeks and 2days due to ubrupture.

PM me when you need someone to talk to we are always here for you

 

[wilbrabeany]

Welcome to B and B. So sorry for your loss and how you're feeling now. I cant imagine the emotional rollercoaster you've been on these last months, but we're all here if you need to talk, i know i found the ladies on here an invaluable support.xxx

 

[Mynxie]

so sorry for your loss

 

[biteable]

Im so sorry for your loss xx

 

[LauraAlicia]

so sorry for your loss

 

[DaisyDuke]

I am so sorry for your loss, sorry i can't offer any advice.

 

[angelmummy]

Just wanted to thank you all for your messages of support. I hope to conceive very soon and will be sure to come on here for support and advice. I am very scared obviously, but i am a bit excited about trying again too. I look at my 2 year old ds and know i can do it and have a good outcome so i am positive i can again. So sorry and sendng hugs to those of you who have also lost a baby. Its an awful "club" to be part of.