lowest Loosing My Baby Tomorrow..Worst Day in My Life

[TTPumpkin]

Hello to anyone who reads this.

Since I found out I was pregnant, I have been on so many blogs and messageboards and read so many positive and negative stories and many have touched my heart and moved me to tears. Especially those who are having a hard time with their pregnancy. I never thought that I would be one of those having a hard time.

Today, I was told by my doctor that she suspected (and went ahead and diagnosed) an ectopic pregnancy. My hcg levels were low and rising slowly but they had not reached a significant level that would point to a viable pregnancy. That coupled with other symptoms sealed my fate. My dr. is sending me to get a shot of methotrexate tomorrow. It will be my 30th bday.

I am utterly crushed. My husband and I have been trying for a year and when we found out I was pregnant, I was over the moon and so was he. We had been talking about baby names for years and thought we would finally be able to use one of them.

I have never felt so sad, in my life. I just don't know how I will deal with this. I was crying in the doctors office, cried on the way home. I feel upset, defective as a women, shocked, and ashamed (oddly enough). So many emotions. Then to know I have to wait even longer to TTC after this. I am just beyond hurt. I keep crying. It is so hard to see how I will get through this.

 

[CKJ]

I'm so so sorry for your loss. There's nothing that can make it better and only time can take the edge of the pain but the ladies on here r fantastic support-it's certainly been my lifeline.

Xxx

 

[TTPumpkin]

Thank you for your kind words. I find myself here searching for support because although I know my husband and family love me, I feel they just don't understand how I feel.

Thank you so much. You just don't know how much just your one comment helped me today.

 

[JulianasMommy]

So sorry for your loss babe. No one will understand how you feel unless they have been through it. I had a miscarriage 3 weeks ago and i had to grieve. I mean I cried so loud I'm sure the neighbors heard me. I couldn't look at babies or pregnant people or anything. It has slowly been getting better. I look at it as one step close to reaching a sticky little bean. I have a friend who is due Dec 7th. I was supposed to be due Dec 3rd. I wasn't able to look at her facebook until the other day when she put an ultrasound pic up and i thought "oh no i am going to be devastated again" and oddly enough I was ok. sad but ok. I have good and bad days. Prayer has helped me A LOT! I know He has a plan for me. GL and we love you!

 

[LittleBird]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Like JulianasMommy said, our loved ones try to be there for us but don't really get it. My DH said he was sorry to me, but it didn't really affect him the same way. My Grandma, I love her so much, said the typical things you're not supposed to say, like, It wasn't meant to be, or, Something must have been wrong with the baby. Needless to say, I didn't share MC2 with her because she seemed really worried about me with the 1st one.

I think I'm lucky because I have a BFF who has experienced all this stuff. Thankfully, she's most of the way through her third healthy pregnancy, but she has been right at this point, not knowing whether she'd be able to successfully deliver a child. Plus all the amazing ladies here on BnB who are such a wealth of information and positivity.

I'm sorry for what's coming. Methotrexate is no fun. But surround yourself with the people you need to get you through it and you will get through it. I know it seems like it will be a long time before you can TTC again. But the good news is that one ectopic doesn't significantly raise your chances for a second one.

Take your time, allow yourself to mourn and keep reading and posting here to get your bearings. We understand and we want to make sure you're ok. Just picture all our arms reaching out to you to give you a virtual hug. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow and praying that the following process goes as well as can be expected.