Memory Box....Unhealthy?

[NeyNey]

Hi Guys.

For those that don't know, we just bought a new house. We're STILL going through the process of unpacking, but while home here alone today I found amongst the boxes "My Baby". It's everything that related to the child we loss. The picture of the Positve Digi test, The little notes I left to my DH. There is one from him that always makes me cry. - He was always referring to me as "us" meaning me and baby. .....

Morning the two loves of my life.
I didn't want to wake Mummy this morning
But I still wanted her to know how much I'll miss her today
Can't wait to come home and hold you both.
P.s - Tell Mummy to take her vitamins!

Love
Daddy


It was little post it notes like this he'd leave around. On my jar of vitamins he taped "Hey Mum! Are you forgetting something?" It was cute. So I kept all these things. I kept the yellow pair of booties I kept under my pillow because we heard it helped you conceive... A copy of my Chart from the month we conceived, All the congratulations cards, A little singlet my Mum bought for the baby that reads "All I gotta do is Smile". There's some other little things too. But is it healthy to want to keep all this? I don't see the harm in it, but my DH thinks it's stopping me wanting to try. He thinks the reminder is a constant fear for me so I scare myself into sabotaging my chances of success again.

I got to admit, there have been times where I've turned myself off BD or I'd not use OPK's for a few days hoping I'll miss O.........I don't see why I'm doing this. I want another baby more than anything!....But I don't feel my heart is in the TTC journey anymore.

 

[wantababybump]

I think its lovely you kept that stuff. I have some stuff and actually still have the sonogram on the fridge...it maybe a constant reminder but its not something you can just shove into the back of a closet and act like its not a big deal. If its something you feel you should keep than keep it and dont let anyone tell you different. As for ttc Im not really sure what to say but maybe you are self consciencly (sp?) doing this because you are scared to get pregnant again for the same fears any of us who have lost little ones have; losing again. Its something you need to do when you are ready and maybe your heart just isnt ready yet. Here are some more I know its probbly not the best advice but my words seem to be gone tonight. xx

 

[Alexas Mommy]

My foster Mother lost a baby at 24 weeks because of placental abruption. She has kept hospital bracelets on a baby teddy bear from when she was in the hospital with baby and it has been 20 years now. She has not been able to mother her own child because the doctors told her there was too high of a chance that another pregnancy would end in the same way (she has MS). I think it is important to keep baby keepsakes... they remind you of your little angel watching over you... I mean if a close family member passed on, would you not keep something to remind you of them? You likely would, so I see no big difference with a baby, unborn or not.

 

[honeybunch2k7]

Keeping the mementos are very healthy. It's always a good idea to keep trinkets and objects reminding us of lost loved ones.

 

[wantababybump]

My foster Mother lost a baby at 24 weeks because of placental abruption. She has kept hospital bracelets on a baby teddy bear from when she was in the hospital with baby and it has been 20 years now. She has not been able to mother her own child because the doctors told her there was too high of a chance that another pregnancy would end in the same way (she has MS). I think it is important to keep baby keepsakes... they remind you of your little angel watching over you... I mean if a close family member passed on, would you not keep something to remind you of them? You likely would, so I see no big difference with a baby, unborn or not.

Definitely agree!! xx

 

[Suz]

I have never gone through what you have gone through so I dont fully understand the heart ache.... but I think its healthy....

I know that this is not the same things by any means.... but I lost my best friend this year....and I find it comforting to have the keepsakes that remind me of her. Its kinda something real I can talk to....like Im talking to her. I can touch it and its real....I could not imagine not having these things.... I think without them, I would not have gotten through the loss as well as I have.

I really hope that makes sense... Im not really good at this... Keep your keepsakes hun.... it will help you heal....That I am sure of

 

[Sara-Rose89]

no its not unhealthy, i have everything from my pregnancy, scan pics etc, i also wrote a poem and had it printed and made a cd of songs for my angel that i listen to sometimes, only you will know when you are ready to try again you have been through so much by losing your angel and ttc is such an emotional journey don't feel bad because you are feeling apprehensive.

lots of xxxxxxx

 

[oxSarahxo]

I don't think its unhealthy... You should see mine... I've got all Jessica's teddies, clothes, bottles, her cot, her pram, the lot. The big things are in the loft and in my bedroom I have a huge box full of her clothes she had on in hospital when she died, havent even washed them, still left her blood on them... It doesn't remind me of the bad things, I look at them and see my little girl... they're all sealed in bags so they still smell like her. Photos of her, the baby book i started when i was pregnant, all her winnie the pooh dvd's id got her. Death certificate is in there, but i never look at that. I have her birth cert on the living room wall, as well as a huge photo of her and a plaque with her star name and location etc on it.

I don't think its holding me back personally... If anything its helping me, I feel like I'd be held back if I didn't have those things there so I can go to them when I need them.

As others have said, it's not something you can brush under the carpet and pretend never happened.

I know our circumstances are different, but it's still a baby involved one way or another.

Just do what you feel is right for you.

 

[Uvlollypop]

i have photos of my daughter who died everywhere i have her ashes in the dining room, her hospital bands clothes all sorts i dont think its un healthy at all

xx

 

[NickyT75]

I have a memory box with Sophies scan pics, footprints, photos, hospital bracelet, shawl she was wrapped in, condolances cards from when I was in hospital & lots of other little bits & bobs

I don't think it's unhealthy at all

Its nice to be able to look at these things every now & then and to remember how beautiful she was xx

 

[NickyT75]

I also still have txts on my phone (similar to your notes) where my DH referred to me as 2 people saying he loved us both & we'd made him the happiest man alive xx

 

[Snowball]

We are currently in the process of getting Beau a memory box, I don't think it's an unhealthy thing at all. Our babies are a part of our lives whether they are here or not and we never forget them.

I'm thinking of you and your little angel hun

 

[natthecat]

It's not unhealthy hunni... not at all.

It's all part of your memories. You don't get rid of holiday photos that you went on years ago... or your keepsakes from your 16th, 18th, 21st birthdays...? all your doing is keeping things that mean something to you!

No one can say keep them or don't because only you can take that decision. Grieve, remember and rejoyce the existance of your baby however long or short their life was.... and if that means keeping a box then do it xxx

 

[jo_79]

I dont think its unhealthy, i have a drawer in my bedroom with scans, photos, hospital bracelets, hand and footprints, clothes, condolence cards, the bits of paper from the burial service even the tags off the clothes and shawl we buried her in. I dont get them out very often but they're there when i need to.

 

[leeanne]

 

[tillymum]

I think it's a good thing too, it makes it real rather than just relying on your memory.

I have a memory box containing my BFP along with my scan picture and a poem I wrote. I also have a photo from when I was on holidays and pregnant. It's not like i'll ever forget but it's comforting to open it up when I'm missing my baby.

 

[NeyNey]

Thanks so much girls

 

[Tilly]

I think it's very healthy.. I haven't been through the same but if those things bring back nice memories and help you to cope, i think you should keep them.

 

[Wobbles]

I have a little box from my ectopic

Cards from some flowers I got
My hospital braclet
The note my OH left me for when I came round
A angel of hope (from the sticky in this section)
Any notes I had/info etc

Not much in there and no picture because it was no viable but still ....

I think its healthy but for me personally its put away safe and I hardly come across it but know its there.

x x

 

[soliloquise]

Hi Guys.

For those that don't know, we just bought a new house. We're STILL going through the process of unpacking, but while home here alone today I found amongst the boxes "My Baby". It's everything that related to the child we loss. The picture of the Positve Digi test, The little notes I left to my DH. There is one from him that always makes me cry. - He was always referring to me as "us" meaning me and baby. .....

Morning the two loves of my life.
I didn't want to wake Mummy this morning
But I still wanted her to know how much I'll miss her today
Can't wait to come home and hold you both.
P.s - Tell Mummy to take her vitamins!

Love
Daddy


It was little post it notes like this he'd leave around. On my jar of vitamins he taped "Hey Mum! Are you forgetting something?" It was cute. So I kept all these things. I kept the yellow pair of booties I kept under my pillow because we heard it helped you conceive... A copy of my Chart from the month we conceived, All the congratulations cards, A little singlet my Mum bought for the baby that reads "All I gotta do is Smile". There's some other little things too. But is it healthy to want to keep all this? I don't see the harm in it, but my DH thinks it's stopping me wanting to try. He thinks the reminder is a constant fear for me so I scare myself into sabotaging my chances of success again.

I got to admit, there have been times where I've turned myself off BD or I'd not use OPK's for a few days hoping I'll miss O.........I don't see why I'm doing this. I want another baby more than anything!....But I don't feel my heart is in the TTC journey anymore.

i think it is beautiful to keep these momentoes for as long as you need/ forever.