Mental block

[Snowball]

It's a year tomorrow since ex DH ran off with his bit on the side and left me pregnant with our other 3 kids.

So far I haven't been able to put up the xmas tree. It fills me with so many horrible memories. Last year when I was putting it up with the kids he was apparently 'snowed in' at work when infact he was round her parents house sleeping with her for 3 days . I think of that tree and it makes me want to vomit, I feel like it's 'tainted' (even though I know that sounds stupid.

I can buy a new one and I'm really tempted. I know another tree won't hold those kind of memories although I know it's an unnecessary expense at this time of year . The old tree was only up for two xmas's, does anyone ebay a xmas tree?

I actually saw a psychiatrist earlier this year about Beau dying (for a court case) and mentioned to him that since he died, there's been places I haven't been able to go, the fact that I worked with horses for years yet since that day I feel uncomfortable even seeing one. He said that I use aversion to deal with stress... and he's totally right.

I can't put 'that' tree up because I want to forget about all the tears I cried sitting next to it last year. Since he left us I've replaced every item of furniture apart from a dressing table (which I'm planning to replace in the sales), I just need to erase him and everything to do with how he ripped my heart to pieces to be able to even begin to heal.

Sorry for the waffle . I guess what I'm trying to ask is, should I just replace the tree? (god, 6 paragraphs to get to that point?! I'm on a roll today )

 

[Laura2919]

I think you should put the tree in the garden and set fire to it

But honestly I would change it if it means your going to build new memories. Buy a new one with new decorations and have a lovely Christmas with the kiddies.

You and them deserve so much better and one day you will be putting up a Christmas tree and decorations with someone who absolutely loves you 100% then that tree wont matter at all.

I say go and buy a new one and chop that one into little pieces

xx

 

[wishingonastar]

I would replace the tree. Christmas needs to be special and happy and it won't be with that tree. If it was say a car and you couldn't afford to replace it then I'd advise against and to work through the bad memories attached but as its a tree and its linked to a celebration then I vote get rid of it



New tree = new start away from the ruined christmas last year

Those memories are still there...its good if you can dull them by getting rid of triggers that remind you constantly

 

[teal]

Definitely replace it honey xx

 

[Lemonflower]

Replace it lovely! xxx

 

[MummyJade]

If replacing the tree would help you do it...

I think its totally normal to want to do that...
You and the kids deserve a happy xmas and i think a new tree and decs would be great...
x

 

[kayleighia1]

I agree put it in the garden and burn it!!!

If moneys tight this year buy a cheap one , cheap decorations, then next year id save a little every month and spoil yourself and the kids to a huge , massive tree
enjoy christmas hunny and always try to keep smiling, times a great healer

 

[angelpkj]

aww hun!
100% know where you comming from
it's a year today since FOB left me
i put the xmas tree up
it was a wierd moment puttin it up and thinking the last time i put this tree up i was with fob in our own home

i torture myself tho,i try force myself to face everythin and think about everything he did so i have it all out with myself then can move on if that makes sense

replace the tree if it bothers you that much but if you have to hang on an wait try see the tree in a more positive light

last year you was with someone living a lie
this year your with your kids and know where you stand,no-one to hurt you,your a year on and now you can move on

every single year anniversairy i've had this year
year since 1st scan year since this year since that has been tainted because of the bad memories but now the year marks are over with i feel like i can move on fully

 

[LaughOutLoud]

Hiya,

I remember you from your gorgeous picture on your profile/avator - sorry im not good with all of that. I think it was a pic of you with your children and I thought wow what a gorgeous looking family, good looking mum and kids and you were all laughing. Get rid of that tree and continue to smile with your family - your children, That man doesnt deserve all of this and dont let him make you any more upset or ruin anything else for you. You can do better and you look gorgeous smiling.

 

[Rhio92]

Replace it! It'll make you feel better, so it's not an unnecessary expense x

 

[kelzyboo]

I'd replace the tree and make new memories with your lovely children!
If erasing him is how you cope best, then erase him. Its just a tree to most people but to you it holds all your hurt from last year, buy a new one and let it hold memories of a fantastic Christmas! xx

 

[Happy]

If replacing it makes you feel better about everything then go for it!! I am another one who tortures myself but this is my way of coping with things, my OH left me for a 21 yr old after 3 months of marriage. It was hard putting the tree up because we did it together last year, but as someone else posted 'actually we were living a lie' and it makes me realise he does not deserve to be in my head.

 

[xAmiixLouisex]

I'm the exact same! I can't use certain items, listen to certain songs, watch certain tv programmes, go certain places. I feel so silly at times, but memories just haunt me.

I say, deffo get rid of the tree. You don't want to bring in the new year with bad memories. :]

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

Definatly replace it. Build new memories this yr with your children without his taint. Merry Christmas!

 

[Seraphim]

Did you burn it?
Please say you burnt it

 

[Snowball]

Did you burn it?
Please say you burnt it

I can't be arsed to get it out the loft cupboard but when I can it's going... Maybe not a bombfire though, I would probably set fire to the Neighbours gardens too

 

[Seraphim]

Of course, why would you get it out when you dont have to

 

[Seraphim]

Of course, why would you get it out when you dont have to