Midwife's preemptive strike! The Birth Plan.

[Gen79]

Haha. No really. My midwife asked me if I was going to write a birth plan and I said yes and so she kind of gave me a lecture about what I should and shouldn't put in it.

Basically, -I don't want to be cut- is not ok because "nobody wants to be cut" and the midwives don't want to do it either. She said mostly birth plans end up looking like a wish list and of course that's what you want but its a little bit patronising to think that she would do any of these interventions unless neccessary anyway. I tried to explain that you do hear horror stories and I may just want to be sure that preferences are understood but she wasn't having it.

She said that what she wants to see in a birth plan is the personal stuff about me that they wouldn't know otherwise, like whether I prefer the midwife to not stroke my arm or whether I need lots of positive encouragement, etc.

What I really want to write is "I want you to sit in the corner and read my hypnobirthing book until I tell you I feel like it's time to push" but I think she might get a bit offended! lol

She's due to come visit me at home to talk about my homebirth plans in two weeks so I told her I'd have a draft and we could talk about it then. I'm thinking of writing a list of "special concerns" and discussing them to see what is usual to her (and the rest of the team she leads) and then decide which needs to be in the birth plan. I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice, keeping in mind that I'm just not the type of person to argue until I get my way. I'll try to manipulate my own way with some clever wording but I'm very non-confrontational so I'm not going to say "my way or the highway".

 

[Mervs Mum]

Just write your birth plan as you would have anyway. It's your plan and hey are your preferences. It's not patronising. Just because she's seen it X amount of times a week and says 'oh I wouldnt do X unless it was necessary' doesnt mean that you cant define what YOU see as necessary. I'd go ahead and write your plan anyway. If there are things on there that she feels are not really needed then she can skip past them. If you think they are important and require clarification then at least you have them there for anyone who is with you in labour. What one MW thinks is necessary the next may think is unnecessary and I presume you cant guarantee who will be with you in labour?

 

[KandyKinz]

I don't even know what to say in response to that..... I don't really like my midwife much but I'd gladly have her over a midwife with an attitude like yours.... She seems very high on herself!

 

[Vicyi]

My birth plan with DS (home birth) was more along the lines of what your MW said - OH to cut the cord, low lighting, in the bath for as long as poss etc but i did add in no cutting unless necessary and as little pain relief as poss etc as i felt that i needed to write that to refer back to. I know every midwife will try not to cut you unless they have to but id still rather have it written down . x

 

[Gen79]

I don't even know what to say in response to that..... I don't really like my midwife much but I'd gladly have her over a midwife with an attitude like yours.... She seems very high on herself!

Haha, I know! She's ok, I don't hate her. I just think that she's a bit abrasive really. Very perfuctory and matter of fact. I'll bet she'd be brilliant to have in an emergency but I'm hoping not to have any of those!

 

[Gen79]

Just write your birth plan as you would have anyway. It's your plan and hey are your preferences. It's not patronising. Just because she's seen it X amount of times a week and says 'oh I wouldnt do X unless it was necessary' doesnt mean that you cant define what YOU see as necessary. I'd go ahead and write your plan anyway. If there are things on there that she feels are not really needed then she can skip past them. If you think they are important and require clarification then at least you have them there for anyone who is with you in labour. What one MW thinks is necessary the next may think is unnecessary and I presume you cant guarantee who will be with you in labour?

You're probably right and after I have a discussion with her about all my concerns I'll probably just put it all in anyway and hope to get someone else once I go into labor!

 

[KandyKinz]

You girls are fortunate, there's still SEVERAL obs around her who perform routine episiotomies on everyone regardless of whether it's indicated or not.... EVERYONE..... It's absolutely awful!

 

[Kess]

Can you phrase it as something like, "I'd like you to help me labour in ways that reduce the likelihood of needing an episiotomy, e.g. encourage me into positions x and y, hold a warm washcloth with oil on it to my perineum, tell me not to push as the head is crowning, etc"? That way you're telling her this is a priority for you that you're willing to do something about, not just something you hope doesn't happen.

 

[rachiedata]

I agree, you should write one with all the details and horror story avoidance techniques on anyway - if your midwife isn't interested in that one then that's up to her, but it's good reference for you and your birth partner/s and it may be someone totally different on the day anyway!

BUT at least she's asked you for the answers she would like to know - I think birth plans do work better as discussions and reference rather than "wish lists" - and I would be glad of my midwife to ask me the more personal questions as I am the type who would require the extra encouragement and positivity, but only after a certain time has passed (ie. when I start shouting and screaming myself!), and I think if you'd rather she stayed totally hands off you're well within your rights to ask her to do this!