MIL vs mom debate

[rowleypolie]

So my MIL just told me she will be in town June 8, 4 dys before I am due. We aren't very close and she and my mom have some issues... She would have to stay with us, and my mom was planning on coming around the same time but always gets a hotel. Just wondering if anyone has ideas on how to coordinate this so that it's less about mom drama and more about the beautiful new baby. Ideas?

 

[sue_88]

I would hope a new baby be enough for grown adults to act like that?

Tell them straight out that you welcome them both around you but absolutely will not welcome any drama.

 

[rowleypolie]

In order to get them to both come I wont be able to tell them the other is coming. I think they are both a little too possessive over the baby to be adult about it. I am wondering if we should switch off days, dinner with one then the other. They won't eat together. It's just gong to be hard to coordinate with MIL staying with us.

 

[nevernormal]

Why do either of them get to TELL YOU when they are coming? I would never have my ILs and parents here at the same time. I want my mom around at the beginning so the ILs have been given some time frames when they are welcome to come, and if they come, great, but if FIL can't cope with not having absolute control, they lose out .

Does your MIL have any other friends or family in town that she can visit with? If not, I'd try to get her (or your mom?) to reschedule their visit. You don't need momma drama with a newborn on your hands!

 

[rowleypolie]

True, the drama with dd2 caused both of them to decide it wasn't worth coming and I had no one. I am hoping for my mom to spend more time and MIL's plans are scheduled around surgery so more set in stone. Maybe my mom will come when baby is a week old. One can hope

 

[nevernormal]

If your MIL's plans are the ones that have to be set in stone, then I would just suggest to your mom that she comes later if possible. You don't have to give her all the details, but just let her know that you'll have enough help earlier on and you want her to have as much time with the baby as possible.

 

[AllieM]

If your MIL's plans are the ones that have to be set in stone, then I would just suggest to your mom that she comes later if possible. You don't have to give her all the details, but just let her know that you'll have enough help earlier on and you want her to have as much time with the baby as possible.

^^^ this is a great idea!

 

[Rozz1e1]

If your mum stays in a hotel then why cant your mil stop ina hotel also? Then it would be easier to coordinate if they both insist on coming down at that particular time...also baby might not be born when theyre there...dependant on obv when you go into labour, if they do insist on same time frame then tell each other thatyou will split your time between the 2 of them Nd tht you dont want any drama and that actually the most importabt thing here is you and ure oh bonding with your new lo xxxx

 

[Babushka]

Wow, you're a much better woman than me - I want nobody in the house besides OH when we bring the baby home. His parents live the other side of the world & I would prefer they come vist when bubs is 6 months old if they are going to stay with us. Nothing has been planned yet & luckily they arent' very intrusive.

I would be saying a flat NO to your MIL staying in your home full-stop around the birth of the new baby. It should be a time when you bond as a family & not have a grandparent in the mix. Your OH should tell her you have discussed having visitors staying with you during this time and decided it's best the 4 of you have time to bond alone. Perhaps event tell her the hospital suggested this to soften the blow. She would have to be pretty thick and self centred not to understand, & if she doesn't, then it's her drama not yours!

It amazes me how intrusive people can be, but then you also need to set boundaries with them otherwise they will keep walking over you

 

[d_b]

Sounds like a nightmare! Can you ask MIL to get a hotel and tell your parents to wait a week or two? My parents came when LO was a week old last time and i found that was WAY too early to have people staying in my house.

 

[rowleypolie]

MIL has very little money and will be bringing her foster daughter who just turned one, she will have to stay with us...when she came for the surgery consult not only did she stay with us but she didn't give us any notice, I think it was like 4 hours. Her baby was 9 months old....

The only thing about my mom is that she wants to be there at the birth. She missed both the other kids and if means a lot to her...

Best case scenario is I go into labor a week early and mom can come and be home before MIL comes.