mini rant...

[caandii]

Ok so just I few things I wanna get off my chest abt my OH.

He constantly moans at me abt evrythn. He makes me do evrythn around the house (tidy our room, Hoover every day, do all his ironing and dishes wen I haven't eaten, cook wen I'm not gna eat, bring him food and milk and water at all hours of the night wen I'm tryin 2 sleep, etc...) He has the cheek 2 say I'm lazy wen he goes 2 work nd wen he gets home all he does is lie in bed.
He is a Muslim which means he's not allowed 2 hv sex before marriage, as we aren't married this means he hasn't told his mom I'm pregnant and I don't even think she knows he has a gf. Cos of this he also wants to get married right after the baby is born but I don't wanna get married just cos we have a child. He also says his child MUST be Muslim and have a Muslim name and he isnt willing 2 compromise on anything.

Sorry if I'm getting all worked up about nothing but this stuff bothers me.

 

[Laura617]

Doesn't sound like nothing to me. I think this is a serious issue and sounds like he is putting himself before you and not treating you as an equal at all.

I don't know much about the Muslim teachings but I will say when it comes to mixed religion you have to be able to agree on common ground if its going to work. My husband is Jewish and even though our children aren't considered Jewish (because the mother automatically passes on her religion in Jewish beliefs) we still agreed befor having kids what to teach them and what to follow with them.

I personally couldn't stand being with someone who expects me to do everything and won't even tell people about you/baby.

I really hope you can find some common ground but sounds like something that will only get more stressful when he expects you to care for baby and still do everything with no help.

And if my husband made me get out of bed to fetch him something I would probably kick him and tell him to get it himself.

 

[MetalMaiden]

And if my husband made me get out of bed to fetch him something I would probably kick him and tell him to get it himself.

thats EXACTLY wat i wud do too

edit - i've been thinking about this thread for a few minutes now and i gather that you guys live together? do your parents know?? that not very nice how he's treating you! i was going to say wud they really be surprised if you guys were having sex if you guys r living together? then next obv question wud anyone be surprised if someone wound up preggers if doing the deed? then i read you arent sure if they even kno about u. i am sad for you does his parents live in another country or something? thats a pretty crazy secret!

 

[ms sunshine]

your decision its your babys dad, but my opinion if this is what it is like when your pregnant whats it going to be like when baby is there. You happy being a dirty secret and your baby being a dirty secret? And when baby is there how is he going to explain baby after marrage? And is he expecting you to look after baby and do everything in the house while he lays in bed. It doesnt matter that he is muslim, its just all about respect. I hope you guys can have a chat and sort this out if thats what you want as its not a nice situ to be in when you are pregnant. Good luck x

 

[Beccaboop]

it sounds like a horrible situation im sorry your going though this xxxx

 

[Porcelain]

I agree with other posters...
I know everyone is different, but if I were you he'd be seeing stars with the speed I'd kick him out with. You have to decide if this is an environment and behavior you're okay with your child growing up in and thinking is acceptable.
Treating you as his handmaiden aside, the religion thing is an issue. I know it has been the topic of much conversation in our household with me being a Christian and hubby being an atheist. I grew up in the same sort of household, but I grew up in a matriarchal home and my dad didn't care much- hubby and I are on much more equal grounds. This is something you're indoctrinating into your child. You've got to really evaluate if you're cool with your child believing in whatever it will be taught (I'm sorry, I'm not that familiar with Muslim religion). I, personally, wouldn't be so object to the name as it is a reference to culture (so long as you get equal weigh in one of the names if you feel the same about a family or culture name), but the spirituality is something you really should be talking about.
His mother and family are going to find out about the baby anyway. I know it's really easy for me to sit here and type this rather than you to actually have to deal with it, but this is something that needs to be addressed.
And don't let anyone pressure you into a marriage. That's not good for you and it's not good, in the end, for the child. No child should have to grow up thinking that love or consent is optional in a marriage.

 

[caandii]

Thanks for the replies girls. Um Yeah he's African and his parents are back in Africa and don't speak a word of English. In his religion there isn't really such a thing as a relationship. Your parents arrange a meeting and you get married, you aren't even allowed 2 spend time together without your parents being there until after you're married. That's why they don't know he has a gf.
We are currently actually staying with my mom and have been looking for our own place for ages.
Before I got pregnant he was actually quite controlling. He'd hack my fb and delete any male friends from there. He deleted all my other social apps and websites and even deleted all my mobile numbers that were male friends numbers. We had broken up a few times but he always came back saying he was sorry and that he'd change. I always took him back cos I cared abt him so much and never wanna lose him.
Luckily my mom has seen how he can be and is very supportive which helps a lot.
Thanks again for all ur comments

 

[chasemanzmum]

I respect people of all religions. But no man has the right to treat a woman like a servant/footstool. Before pregnancy we would both offer to do stuff ocassionally for each other. Now that I am pregnant I only ask when I cant get out. Or after I hit 36 weeks, my DH is like for the next few weeks you ain't allowed to do this or that (meaning general housework/lifting). I said ok to that due to didn't feel good at the time. Now I just try and do what I can before I go in to L&D (meaning a week from today). I figure in any religion married or not men and women should be equals.

 

[FirstBabyC]

I really could go on and on when it comes to religion and have a rant myself. But keeping it short I believe in practising what you preach. I know in some religions it is ok to treat women like he is but lying to his parents doesn't sound very respectful. It would be hypocritical to make sure a child follows a religion that you are not respecting in my opinion

 

[Sparklerose]

Thanks for the replies girls. Um Yeah he's African and his parents are back in Africa and don't speak a word of English. In his religion there isn't really such a thing as a relationship. Your parents arrange a meeting and you get married, you aren't even allowed 2 spend time together without your parents being there until after you're married. That's why they don't know he has a gf.
We are currently actually staying with my mom and have been looking for our own place for ages.
Before I got pregnant he was actually quite controlling. He'd hack my fb and delete any male friends from there. He deleted all my other social apps and websites and even deleted all my mobile numbers that were male friends numbers. We had broken up a few times but he always came back saying he was sorry and that he'd change. I always took him back cos I cared abt him so much and never wanna lose him.
Luckily my mom has seen how he can be and is very supportive which helps a lot.
Thanks again for all ur comments

Huge warning bells here.....

 

[AmesLouise]

I'm so sorry to say this, but you deserve so much better for both YOU and your BABY!! I would definately not marry the man.
My husband was born and raised muslim (does not practice it), I am Catholic. We have chosen to raise our kids Catholic and educate them on their muslim roots. I made sure of this before I even married him. I will say, despite agreeing on this, it does bring up tension.
Nobody deserves to be treated like a slave.