Miscarriage at 5 weeks & Relationship Problems

[LunaMoon]

I'm numb from the loss of my baby at 5-weeks. I've been depressed, but doing what I can to put one foot in front of the other and keep going.

My fiancé and I are having troubles. It's irrational, but I resent him because he seems to have "moved on" while I'm still here. I know that it was his loss too, but he seems to be going on abut his life and I'm still struggling. It's frustrating, but also causing some problems in our relationship.

I'm more irritable with him than I usually am. I'm depressed & unmotivated. He commented to me that he wants to move forward & just burst into tears. He apologized for being insensitive & I accepted his apology. I'm just numb, afraid & scared.

The loss was just one week ago. I never expected it to effect the relationship the way it has been. I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to cope. Feels good to write about it here. Thanks for listening.

Love, Luna

 

[LunaMoon]

I can't seem to edit my post... meant to say that *I* burst into tears at his comment about moving forward. Not him. I haven't seen him show much emotion about the loss at all; although, I'm certain he is impacted. He told me he's sad & disappointed about it. I guess we're just moving thru the emotions differently...

 

[shadowlove]

Hi hun,

First off - I am so sorry for your loss and you need time to grieve. It's lifetime hope and love that you lost in a blink of an eye. You become a mother the moment you conceive and so much love is there when you find out. I know because I had two losses and have two babies. The love I feel for all four of them are equal, I just get to experience hugs from my two earth babies. It is a big loss and you need to give yourself time.

Secondly, men don't understand this as they don't have all the emotions and hormones running through their bodies like we as women do. I would suggest you talk to him about how you feel and perhaps let him read this?

I lost my grandmother a month ago and I can tell you the numbness, utter disbelief and pain are exactly the same and finally I could tell my hubby what my miscarriages felt like to me because he also experienced these emotions when he lost his grandparents a few years ago.

Try to see his side even when it is extremely hard, because you both made that baby in love and losing him will have a greater impact on you. Try to be open and tell him when you need a hug or comfort. Maybe write him letter?

If you want to vent please free to inbox me.

xx

 

[shadowlove]

please excuse typos.

 

[cupcake23]

I'm sorry for your loss

It's a very difficult time for you and your oh, he may not show his emotions or say the right things but Im sure he is just overwhelmed and unsure on how to deal with this loss.
With my mc I completely lost it and I was not myself, it was the first time I had to deal with loss/ grief and my dh was shocked with my reaction. I dealt with my mc by not talking about it, going through it alone, crying non stop then resenting my dh for not being there, it was just so much worse talking to dh about it as I felt that not only had my body failed me it also had taken the joy away from dh, so much guilt went on. It was an irrational time but once I finally opened up to my dh and had a really good cry, I was able to express my thoughts and feeling and he was better placed to understand and support me, giving me the space/ time I needed to grieve.

I had to appreciate that for my dh the baby still wasn't 'real' he hadn't seen a scan, he didn't hear a heartbeat or felt movements so he wasn't emotionally invested at that point, he was sad but he was able to move on a lot faster than I would have liked. You just need to take the time to explain to your oh you just need time, I was so much better 3 weeks after my mc, it still hurts, but the rawness of it all has lessened.

Wishing you all the best xxx

 

[lesondemavie]

My DH held it together for about 2 weeks until he knew I was ok and then completely broke down himself. I remember feeling that same resentment, and it came back when we started TTC again. He seemed so happy, and I didn't understand it. I asked him about it, and he explained that he was just so happy and he wants that again. Asking questions, being honest, and talking about how we're feeling has helped us get through this tough time. It's been 3.5 months and I still break down crying now and again. I thought DH was doing fine and once again felt that resentment....until I asked and he admitted that he sometimes breaks down crying in his car alone. It's so hard, because it breaks my heart even more to know that he is also so sad, but it's comforting to know that I am not alone.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Its so hard

 

[LunaMoon]

I thought DH was doing fine and once again felt that resentment....until I asked and he admitted that he sometimes breaks down crying in his car alone. It's so hard, because it breaks my heart even more to know that he is also so sad, but it's comforting to know that I am not alone.

I can relate! Thanks so much for helping me see that it's not just me. I have talked to my fiancé quite a bit about what I'm going through, and he's told me that what hurts him most is seeing me in pain and knowing he can't do anything to fix it. Which in turn makes me sad for him. I'm learning that we are both going through it, it just looks different for reach of us. Still doesn't make it any easier though

 

[lesondemavie]

Still doesn't make it any easier though

No, it doesn't make it easier. It was and still is one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. There are many things that can make it harder though, and your OH doesn't have to be one of them