Miscarried and feeling lost

[Vrobleto]

Hello everyone. I'm new to this site. A dear friend of mine suggested it about a week ago and after what I recently went through I figured I'd give it a shot.
I have a nearly 7yr old daughter. I had pre eclampsia with her and she was born premature. She is perfectly healthy but for quite some time I was scared to conceive again because of what I had gone through with her. Then I was diagnosed with PCOS about 5 years ago. It wasn't until about two years ago that my husband and I decided to try. I had stopped taking the birth control that was prescribed for my PCOS. We tried for years. I downloaded an ovulation app to try and calendar out my periods (which were few and far between). Then last year I started to become regular. Getting my period every month for nearly the entire year. I was hopeful. About 2-3 weeks ago I realized my boobs were aching more than usual and it had been more than a month since my last cycle. Three pregnancy tests later and I was pregnant. I couldn't believe it. I was so excited. This whole time I thought I could never conceive again. I called and made an appt with the Ob/gyn. The appt was this past Monday 7/20. She did an ultrasound and confirmed I was pregnant. We were able to see the gestational sac and the yolk sac. But because Of my PCOS we didn't know how far along I was. She sent me to do bloodwork. As I am making my next appt for 7/27 I felt a heavy flow. I left the office and walked to my car and didn't feel right. I walked back in, went to the bathroom...I was heavily bleeding. Another ultrasound was done and the doctor told me I was miscarrying. I am devastated. I am having a hard time letting go all the plans we had. We were so excited. I had already told my daughter she'd be a big sister...something she has asked for since she could talk! My husband and I ended up telling her it was a false alarm because we thought it'd be better that way. I'm just so sad. We tried for so long and had really given up when I took the pregnancy test. And then I was pregnant and all my hope and desire for a 2nd child came pouring back. And now this. Just feels so cruel.
I'm not sure when the doc wants to see me again or if I'll need a D&C. But my husband and I both want to start trying again. How soon is too soon? I'm still bleeding so I know I have to wait a week or two? Anyone with any advice?

 

[Angel_blues]

My doctor said as soon as I was emotionally ready, go for it. BUT your doctor would be the best person to ask. I don't know how reliable this is but I read that the first ovulatory cycle after a miscarriage is a very good one to catch.

 

[ttcnumber2ky]

Vrobleto- so sorry for your loss.

I think you will find if you do research that dependent on what Dr you talk to, the answer will vary. My Dr told me 2 cycles post mc, I've read others whose Dr said wait 6 cycles, and others who have recommended they can try whenever they're ready like angel_blues. I would probably start by speaking with your Dr to see what they recommend and then really just discussing it with your husband to decide together. Good luck to you!

 

[EverythingXd]

I'm so sorry for your loss Vrobleto You are so right that you are not only grieving for your baby, but the hopes and dreams you had. I hope your dreams will come true for you and your family.

As for when to try again, as others have said, your own medical history can have an impact so you should talk to your doctor. It is also a personal thing as to when you are ready emotionally. For me, trying again quickly is giving me something positive to focus on and my clock is ticking!

You will see on this forum lots of women who conceive again on their next cycle after a miscarriage. Lots of others wait.

The main reason doctors ask you to wait 1 cycle is so they can date a new pregnancy accurately. If your cycle is irregular anyway then this is pretty futile. I also read that you should wait 1 cycle because the lining will not be thick enough to implant on the 1st cycle after MC... if that is the case though, you won't fall pregnant so I don't see any harm in trying anyway.

Good luck x

 

[Vrobleto]

Thank you for your kind words. My biggest relief is knowing I am not alone in this and this forum has definitely helped me see that. I will definitely be talking with my doctor! We want to start as soon as we can but then I fear not ever getting pregnant again because of my PCOS and going through the heartbreak all over again. But this pregnancy definitely made me realize how much I want another baby. For the longest time I convinced myself that my beautiful daughter is enough and why have another and start over again. And though Emilia brings me the biggest joy and is certainly more than I could have ever asked for, there is definitely still a yearning in me for another. I also feel rushed since she is almost 7 and I know from experience (having brothers 8 and 10 years older than me) that being too far apart from a sibling is not ideal.

Might need to start a forum for women with PCOS trying to conceive

 

[EverythingXd]

I think PCOS is pretty common so you will find lots on here that have it. I would imagine there are threads dedicated to trying to conceive with PCOS if you run a search

How does your PCOS affect your cycle? I know about it, but some women it just makes them irregular but still ovulating often (like cycles varying from say 28 - 60 odd days). On the other hand, a close friend of mine has PCOS that means she doesn't get periods from one year to the next. She now has 3 boys (2 are twins) - she had fertility treatment.

I am a "talker" and I've told lots of friends about both of my recent MCs. I was surprised at how many of them said they had also had a missed miscarriage (MMC), they are scarily more common than I had previously thought.

I think trying again after a loss always brings an added fear with it. I'm convinced that I'm really low on good eggs now (I am 40 and had an ovary removed in January due to ovarian ectopic) but I still hold out hope. It is a blessing to have the comfort of a child or more already, but it doesn't stop the yearning for another child x

PS sorry for explaining abbreviations. I assume since you're new that you won't be familiar with many of them!

 

[Vrobleto]

I hadn't even tried. So many threads and have no idea how to do a search. I'm guessing doing it from my laptop vs iphone would be a lot better!

I was diagnosed about 4yrs ago, but I'm pretty sure I've had it for longer. When I was younger I never had a regular 28day cycle. It varied. But I'd always get a cycle. After I had Emilia I began missing cycles. One year I only went through 3-4. I went on bc but that made me sick, even lowered the estrogen level but still made me feel awful. I just stopped taking them. Then all of a sudden...for the past year, I started getting regular monthly cycles. Never on time but still about 36days. I hate to admit I'm not one to constantly go to doctors and didn't even tell my gyno I stopped taking bc. And then all of a sudden my boobs started aching. Like real bad. I never put any thought to not having gotten a cycle since late May. A friend of mine suggested I take a pregnancy test just in case. And boy was I surprised when three tests confirmed I had gotten pregnant. I honestly was in great shock. I could not believe it.

I had had a mc once before. I was 19 or 20. I was dating my husband in college. I had no idea I was even pregnant. I had been taking pills for acne. Ones where the box had warnings not to get pregnant while taking that medication. Although it sounds terribly awful to say this but back then it was a relief. The baby could have been born with physical deformities. I was incredibly young and careless. And as you can tell, I'm also a bit of a talker

I appreciate the abbreviation explanations!!! I tried to decipher some while reading some threads, but some I couldn't.

Has your doctor told you your low on "good" eggs? Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.

 

[EverythingXd]

You will find 'search' if you scroll up to the top - you will find 'user cp' a few lines down, and 'search' is one of the other options to the right of user cp. You can use it on an iPhone but laptop probably easier. You'll probably find relevant threads by searching "TTC with PCOS" or similar.

No, my doctor hasn't said I'm low on good eggs. I haven't asked! I just feel more hormonal since the ectopic but a nurse said she had an ectopic years ago and it does take the body time to get used to producing hormones from just one ovary so it could still be that. Losing an ovary can bring mdnopause forward so this is why I'm worried about it. I've never missed a period and am quite regular with O on around cycle day 12 - 14 when I'm not pregnant / breastfeeding, and I did manage to conceive in April so maybe I'm just over-worrying. Besides, I only need one good egg!

Have you stopped bleeding yet? Usually, you can expect to bleed for a week or so. Then the doctors usually ask you to do a home pregnancy test 2 weeks after MC started to check that your HCG has gone down and test will be negative if all is ok. It took a little over 2 weeks for mine to turn negative, but I was 11+4 when I MC'd and baby measured 8+5 so my HCG would've been quite high. As long as it's negative, I doubt there will be any reason for you to wait to try again other than for dating a new pregnancy. The only other thing is to make sure you wait until you have stopped bleeding because while you are still bleeding / spotting your cervix will be open and you are more at risk of getting an infection.

Hope this helps x

 

[wife1stmum2nd]

Hi, I know exactly how you feel about feeling all your dreams and plans have disappeared. I had a MC in Feb this year and although I was only 6 weeks I had started thinking about all sorts of things in the future and this was hard to deal with and if I'm honest I still feel sad quite often thinking of what could of been, I'm hoping with time this will get easier.
With regards to trying again, my DH & I wanted to start trying again straight away and we discussed this with the Dr who said the only reason they ask you to wait for 1 cycle is because then they know when to date a future pregnancy but theres no other reason but I don't know anything about PCOS so don't know if this would be the same for you. The Dr also said to take a pregnancy test 1 week after bleeding stopped to make sure it was negative so we knew my body had gone back to normal which we did do but we had already been trying for a few days at the time.
All the best to you xx

 

[Vrobleto]

It really helps to chat with women who habe gone through the same. This forum has been such a comfort for me. I can talk about everything with no filter.

I am still bleeding. Not as much as the first two days. I'm now 8days post MC. My dr had me draw blood for hcg quantitative test. I went yesterday to get it done. Today I got a call from the nurse saying my HCG levels are over 2000. I have to go again tomorrow to check levels again. I do not want to be hopeful, but I know that is a high number? I couldn't even say how far along I was when the bleeding started. Not sure what to think at this point. I will have more news by the end of this week. I am hoping I don't need a D&C.

Yup EverythingXd- all it takes is one egg. Think positive and positive things will happen right?!

 

[EverythingXd]

Hi Vrobleto, did you have your hcg level taken again today yet? A level of 2,000 would be seen in a pregnancy of 5 - 6 weeks gestation, but the range is so large it is impossible to tell whether you might avoid a d&c with one reading. I hope it is coming down nicely for you.

I am on CD9 (cycle day 9) of a new cycle so should ovulate in around 4/5 days. I'm all hormonal though, which isn't right for this point in my cycle so I think I'm all messed up still post-MC and would t be surprised if I get an early period again this month. *TMI* we DTD (Did The Deed ) last night because it was my 2nd day of no bleeding after period, and I bled afterwards. I googled it and it seems quite common after a MC so hopefully it doesn't mean anything is wrong.

 

[kazazza]

I don't really have advice, but want you to know how sorry I am.

 

[Vrobleto]

Thank you kazazza 😌

EverythingXd - yup, had another test done today. I should get a call from my ob's office tomorrow. Fingers crossed!

I wish I had a normal cycle. My junk is all wacko
I've read a lot about women experiencing the same "disorder" of their cycle after MC. As long as they keep coming, all is gokd right! Keep DTD Want to hear you've gotten a BFP (yup went and googled most of the acronyms lol)
I've been dry for almost 4 weeks. I spent two weeks knowing I was pregnant and wanted to avoid any deed. And then mc. Still bleeding. Been 9 days now. A bit less every day though. I still pass small clots or tissue. Don't really know the difference. I'll know more tomorrow.

 

[EverythingXd]

Ooh, let me know when you have your results (maybe you have them already?).

I am CD11 today and still getting a little spotting, but I've had what looks like EWCM which is a great sign that I might actually O within my normal window, I'll be delighted if it comes in next 5 days.

 

[Vrobleto]

As of Wedn. Last week my levels were at 1700, so dropping. I am still bleeding, but not a lot. It's a red orange color and only when I wipe. It's been two weeks now. Not sure if I should be worried or not? I habe no fever no cramps or anything like that. I just want to get over this part and move on to my next period so I can start DTD lol.

Yay to normalcy! Please keep me posted

 

[EverythingXd]

Ah that's great that it's dropping I don't think you should be worried yet that you're still bleeding, it does sound like it has tapered off a bit so that's reassuring. I had an infection a week or so after my MC - the bleeding smelled like rotten flesh so I went back to the hospital for a swab. I bled for ages, I'm not sure if it was longer because of the infection but I was still spotting right up until my new AF 4 weeks after my MC started.

As I understand it, your hcg should be zero (or thereabouts) after 3 weeks. Will you be having repeat tests until you get a negative result? x